Chocolat

The Best Thing that ever happened to me

2009-02-22T23:53:00.002+08:00

Meeting Jesus. Without you, I will still be down in the dumps. No where to go, directionless, hopeless and helpless. Because of you I can see the good things in this life in any circumstance. You provide me with everything I need and I am learning to trust You more and more everyday.
I just want to shout at the top of lungs in my little tatami mat room, "I LOVE YOU!"

Defying All Logic-Love

2009-02-03T00:11:00.003+08:00

There are somethings that really puzzle the annoyance out of me. Especially when it comes to something that I should be in control of. Myself. Can we control what we like or even who we like?? Somethings just defy. Like why God loves us so much?? There's no good explanation for that huh. Ever wondered if God ever gets annoyed with Himself for loving us? Especially when most of time we upset him and make Him angry. Maybe I will never figure out why. But one thing for sure, it helped me understand how deep and illogical and CRAZY unbelievable God's love is. Maybe He put this in my heart to understand, what love is truly about. Not about how nice someone is or how loveable someone is. Anyways, because He loved me and showed me what love is about, I can love people in the right way now. I thought I loved people alot, but actually.. I didn't. Maybe I just loved them because they loved me. Because when something unpleasant happened.. I found myself hating. But, now. It doesn't really matter if people return my love. Because I am loved by Him. And there will be people He put in my life to remind me of how much He loves me. I don't have to be loved by everyone. But, most importantly, I need to love people. It's this unreasonable desire to share this goodness that God has given this illogically to me. His heart. If God isn't bothered about why he loves us. Then, I don't have to be this bothered about why I am loving the people who rejected me.

Living waters

2009-01-21T22:31:00.003+08:00

I wonder who still visits this blog? *blows off virtual dust*
Still enjoying blogging over here, I guess only few will see this anyway.
As I dived into the depths of God's thick instructions for life, I wondered what IS living water?
And what does it mean to exchange my needs for this living water?
Well. Urm. Living water flows lor, unlike stagnant stale waters.
Exchanging pool of stagnant water for fresh flowing springs, good deal!

So what is living water? It means a new life for me. Looking beyond my past and what people have labeled me to be. It means hope, God's wonderful plan. Never ending boundless love, always refilled, refreshed. Never thirsting for love.

Stagnant Waters. Yucks. My old hurts, my old thoughts. My unmet needs. Mostly to do with acceptance and love. Unmet. And why is it so difficult to switch with such a good deal?
Because. I am too tied up in the lies I told myself. I have to pick them out one-by-one.

It's nice to be home.

2009-01-10T12:00:00.004+08:00

I can't remember when was the last time I just rested at home on a weekend or holiday. This is nice. ^_^ New Year was spent at my dormkeeper's place, the rest of the new year holidays out shopping or in the lab. It's great to be home!!! And in less than 2 month's I'll be back in Singapore :D Looking forward to meeting people and yet, I know I will miss what's in Japan.

Genesis 2:
2-4 By the seventh day
God had finished his work.
On the seventh day
he rested from all his work.
God blessed the seventh day.
He made it a Holy Day
Because on that day he rested from his work,
all the creating God had done.

This is the story of how it all started,
of Heaven and Earth when they were created.

Something nice

2009-01-01T21:44:00.001+08:00

キマグレン - LIFE
by once_again

5 minutes of fire.

2008-12-15T23:06:00.003+08:00

So, I've been asked to preach for 5 minutes the very next after I return from Tokyo. So I am a wee bit irresponsible and a wee bit lazy. I have so many thoughts flooding my mind. But, today. today. I feel slightly deflated. I keep thinking that this is about me, but it is NOT!!!!!! This is not about me. Praying to God and hearing His reply from His words always pick me up, but I want to see things happen dear God. Just show me that you are here in 3D reality. Help me to remember who You are and what You do. Sometimes, I am so afraid of failing you God, but I should always remember that You are graceful and failing is part of this walk. I may keep failing, but it is going to be OK. Because at the end of the road, You are there to work Your miracles. Thank You for not giving up on this lazy bum. I am less lazy now.

You pick me up when I fall to pieces.
There's no one like You.
You are the super glue that fixes the brokeness
My bestfriend whom I never tire talking to
You guide me with Your firm hand,
You love me so much that you gave everything away
Everything that You held so dearly to You.
Your only son, your throne, your glory.
No one can love me like You do,
no one knows me like You do.
You see all my imperfections and love me anyway.
How can I ever turn my back on You and say You never
existed? And these imperfections, you turn into something beautiful.
And now I am waiting, change seems hard, but like how You provided in the past
I know You'll do it again.

What went wrong??

2008-12-07T23:01:00.002+08:00

Looking back in perspective, (oh how i hate looking back!!!) I still can't understand how things went so wrong. Did I do something unforgivable? Perhaps. In all truth, I felt that I couldn't be myself. And the worse was that, I was obsessed till it was unhealthy. The thoughts kept me awake at night. But, I thank God that I am finally free. Today's sermon made look back and want to move on. And God in all His mercy and grace is going to give me a chance again, I pray won't screw things up. I guess everything is really premature though, all I hear is a whispered promise from God.

2008-11-10T01:31:00.001+08:00

Not written by me, but by a friend. I'm not so eloquent.

'Jesus, are You crazy?'

I saw these words displayed as a piece of art at a friends house a few days ago. Though interesting, the words didn't really strike me until about 48 hours later. Over the course of those 48 hours, I experienced what I'm afraid is a very familiar cycle:

one hour, my heart was so overwhelmed with the glorious beauty of the knowledge of the gospel that I thought it might explode; the next, I was using that glorious grace as license to sin against a holy God. With one breath, I was blessing the God of my salvation, but with the next, cursing the righteousness He's called me to.

As His kindness always does, I found myself led to repentance (quick repentance, thanks to His tender mercies) but as I first approached His throne of grace--disgusted with my repetitive idolatry and harlotry--I couldn't help but wonder, quite seriously, "Jesus, are you crazy?"

Why would you ever offer mercy to your enemies in the first place?
Why would to freely give endless grace to those who hated you?
Why would you give your life for people who would continue to mock you?

Why would you adopt a child, diseased and disfigured by sin,
and through disobedience, foolishness, rebellion, and self-inflicted sickness,
continue to call her your well-beloved daughter?
Why would you choose your betrothed from out of a whore-house,
and though she discards the white dress you dress her in,
runs from the safe house you have built her,
leaves your arms to cling to other cruel lovers,
You repeat your vows to her-- without ceasing you whisper,
“I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.”

Jesus, are you crazy?

Later, I was processing some of this with my friend Aubrey and he put it well: Grace is not reasonable. Justice is reasonable. And substitionary justice is not reasonable. The fact that Christ died for us is not reasonable because unconditional love is not reasonable. It's true that it is reasonable in a sense because in the end God will receive the glory, but it's still a little crazy. Jesus is a little crazy. And I'm glad he is.

So with a deep knowledge of myself as a sickly and rebellious daughter
and as an unfaithful, adulterous wife,
I will daily put on the stark-white garments of mercies that are new every morning,
And though, while I dress myself in the shining righteousness of Jesus,
and as I take my place at His banqueting table and in His loving arms,
I may occasionally pause and nervously wonder, "Jesus, are you crazy?"

Then I will raise my eyes to look into His eyes of blazing fire,
I hear Him continually whisper His vows,
and I will rest, in humility and with immeasurable adoration,
upon His crazy, crazy unconditional love.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8&9

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:6-8

Internationally speaking....

2008-10-24T12:01:00.000+08:00

A real struggle.

2008-10-08T22:55:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, it is difficult to pick yourself up. Especially when people who matter to you hurt you unknowingly or worse, knowingly. And though they hurt you, they still matter, which is probably the worse part. You can't just walk away. So what can I do?? I can't pretend it doesn't upset me. I've done that enough to know that denial just makes it hurt more later.

So I am upset again. And again I remember that God has promised me victory from such things. I am meant to live joyfully, not in permanent gloom. From this I understood how vast was God's love too. How much He has done for us and how it must hurt God so much that we don't understand or care for His sacrifice at all. My wee bit compared to His is nothing at all. If I live in gloom, He will be sad too. For I cannot glorify Him and His sacrifice for me will mean nothing because I am not free. Once again, I choose to believe that I'll be healed from my wounds and be set free.

All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial.. Time to be firm and not take any more nonsense.

Time really flies.

2008-10-08T20:42:00.002+08:00

I talked to a friend today, and realised how time really flies!

Music is beyond words

2008-09-22T22:20:00.002+08:00

There is this Japanese song that I daisuki ( really really like) and I decided to find the translation for it. To my surprise, the lyrics hit too close to home. Perhaps it would've been better if I didn't understand the lyrics. I guess the point is I am drawn to music that match my feelings, even if I don't understand the lyrics. I guess music gives me away.

That Missing Thing That I Didn't Quite Get Until Now.

2008-09-14T20:56:00.004+08:00

This sounds really strange coming from a 10yr old Christian. But, this baka here finally experienced something so amazing. Which is... JOY
All along I have been mistaking happiness for joy. I thought I had it with me, but I didn't. Because when things changed for the worse, they upset me and people who know me well can see that I am sad, angry, annoyed.. In other words, I was on an emotional roller coaster and my emotional health depended very much on the circumstances around me. I often convinced myself that life on earth isn't supposed to happy anyway, so it's alright not to be happy 24/7, "Oh well, this is life. What can I expect?Life's not supposed to be that great after all, if not I won't be looking forward to heaven." I couldn't understand how to be joyful under all these circumstances whereby nothing seems to be working out for me. So I behaved the way I felt, whether I knew it or not.

Then came the turning point. My attitude and character improved as I served as a cell leader in Secell. I learnt how to take care of people, but there were occasions when my ghosts came to haunt me. I became happier, but still I wasn't joyful. I was still on that dratted emo roller coaster when it came to relationships with other people. Career became less important to me, though of course I do want to do well! And now I KNOW what is joy because I am experiencing it now. Because I came to realise that all I NEED is God. The rest is just icing on the cake. Friends, family, money and career. They are just icing. I just need the CAKE. Nothing and nobody can meet my needs. Not my cell leader, not my friends, not my sheep, not my ministry, not anything or anyone. Just God. Knowing that nothing else well make me get off the emo roller coaster, I decided to just be joyful knowing that God is faithful and is constant. Who cares about the rest?? Never changing and when I spend my time and effort on Him, I don't feel tired, but refreshed. By spending time and effort, I mean talking to him and reading His word, doing Bible study and being a living testimony for Christ.

I have lots of time for that now, since I didn't have Internet access at home and when I go to work the first thing I do is to read the Bible. I talk to God throughout the day, because there are few people that I can talk to. Though I have awesome churchmates in Japan, I do not get upset anymore when they are too busy to talk to me. Because, I know I am responsible for my own joy. So, CHOOSE to be joyful in God. He is the only ONE who doesn't disappoint.

2008-08-29T13:13:00.002+08:00

Condom lubricant popular acne cure for Cambodian women
Condom lubricant popular acne cure for Cambodian women
A condom lubricant designed for sex workers and gay men has become a popular acne cure among female Cambodians, women in the capital and local media said Thursday.
Number One Plus, a water-based lubricant produced by health organisation Population Services International (PSI), is an excellent cure for acne, 29-year-old vendor Tep Kemyoeurn told AFP.
"After I used it for three days, all of my acne dried up and went away," she said. "Many people believe in it," she added.
Khen Vanny, 29, from Phnom Penh, told AFP that women of all ages have taken to using the lubricant to get rid of spots.
"It is very effective. Some people don't believe in it but people who do really get a good result," she said, adding: "My youngest sister and my aunt use it too."
Another woman told Khmer-language Kampuchea Thmey newspaper that she had used many kinds of medicine to treat acne but none had worked.
"After that my friends, who work at garment factories in Phnom Penh, advised me to apply the lubricant from Number One Plus condoms on my face every night," she told the paper.
"And just within three to four nights, the acne on my face gradually and then totally disappeared," she added.
A vendor near a factory in the coastal city of Sihanoukville told the newspaper that she sold packets of Number One Plus lubricant for 500 riels (12 cents) to many women every day.
The paper urged experts to conduct research about the phenomenon.
PSI were not immediately available for comment on the apparent cosmetic benefits of their product.

Carrying the Cross

2008-08-28T09:07:00.001+08:00

Question and Answer

Carry Your Cross

Question:

I have a question concerning one of Christ's teachings. I was wondering, what exactly does Christ mean when He says, "Carry your cross" or bear your cross?

Answer:

The answer to your question lies in Luke 9:22-26. Notice first verse 22: "The Son of Man must suffer many things, and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed [crucified on a cross], and be raised the third day." So, first, there is a connection between the cross which Christ urges His disciples to carry (as they follow Him) and the cross on which He was destined to die for the sins of His people. BUT the crosses are not the same.

That's what is wrong with the chorus of the old gospel song, "The Old Rugged Cross." In the verses, particularly the first, the subject is Christ's cross. Then the chorus goes, "So I'll cherish that old rugged cross till my trophies at last I lay down; I will cling to that old rugged cross and exchange it some day for a crown." The chorus refers to the Christian's cross; but they are not the same:
1. Christ's cross is an atoning sacrifice. We could die a thousand deaths and yet not atone for a single sin. We are sinners and therefore can do nothing perfectly. Jesus was the perfectly pure and holy Son of God; therefore His blood did atone for all our sins.
2. Christ's cross called literally for His death. The Christian's cross must be carried faithfully till he dies. But that doesn't necessarily call for the Christian's death.

What connects the two? Our cross is the symbol of our total commitment to be true to Christ, even to death, but we are not commanded to die for Jesus, only to be faithful. For most of us, although we may experience some persecution or mocking because of our confession of trust in Christ, we are not ordinarily called to actual physical martyrdom. In certain situations, however, it could be that bearing our cross might call for us to be martyrs for Jesus. While following Jesus, I could be confronted with a situation where I would be put to death because of my faith in Him. It could be that the only way I could save my life would be to deny Christ and curse His name, but refusing to do so, I would be put to death.

That is what took place in the shooting that took place in Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, just over a year ago. The assassin pointed his gun at a high school girl (I can't remember her name). He asked if she still believed in Jesus. She said yes. Immediately he pulled the trigger. She was faithful unto death! She didn't plan the situation in which she suddenly found herself. The assassins did plan it, but the Bible says "And we know that God works ALL THINGS together for good to those who love Him, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). So, according to this Scripture (and Ephesians 1:11), God's providence brought this girl into a situation in which she had no choice as a follower of Christ but to confess Him and die, or deny Him and live! It is not for us to desire martyrdom; that's in God's hand. It's for us to be faithful unto death.

Now, look at Luke 9:26: "For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, of him the Son of Man will be ashamed when He comes in His own glory, and in His Father's, and of the holy angels." Here we see the most clearly, the relation between Jesus' death on His cross and our bearing our cross for Him. Jesus died all but naked on the cross. Further, "He was despised and rejected of men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him" (Isaiah 53:3). At His cross, to say anything good about the divine sufferer brought shame and reproach. So I believe we can say that our cross equals our willingness to take the shame and reproach from His enemies as a badge of our union with Him as our Savior and Lord.

I suffer from arthritis. It is a burden to me, but not a cross. It has nothing to do with my being a follower (disciple) of Jesus.

Take another example. There are a few real followers of Christ in the US Congress. Now they should stand up and oppose abortion whenever they get the opportunity. If their opponents ask them why they so vigorously oppose abortion, they are temped to find non-religious reasons, when in reality their reasons are that God made mankind in His own image, and to wantonly take human life is murder because the Commandment says "You shall not murder"! Now if he were running for re-election and his opponent charged him with "dragging religion into the woman's 'right' to choose," he might lose a lot of votes. Better to find secular reasons for opposing abortion. BUT, wouldn't he be less faithful to his Lord by "hiding his light under a bushel"? The girl in Columbine High School didn't have to think before she answered!

Let's now look at Luke: 9:23: "If anyone desires to come after Me [to be my disciple], let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me." Two things stand out: (1) To deny myself means to refuse to let MY will be the controlling pattern of my life. If Christ is now my Lord, then His will is my command! (2) We are to do this DAILY. As you must know, our lives are a continuing fabric of decisions. God does not make decisions for us; we must make our own decisions. So to take up the cross of the reproach of Christ daily means that, no matter what people think of us, we must make it our day-to-day habit of conforming our choices to Christ's will as we know it from His word. Self denial, as explained above, should be the constant of our lives.

Finally, verses 24 & 25: "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what profit is it to a man if he gain the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?" Matthew 16:26 (in his parallel account of these verses) adds: "Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?" Really, cross-bearing for a Christian is not always reproachful, but it is always sacrificial. That is, we need to sacrifice our sinful desires in favor of doing what Jesus our Lord would have us to do.

One more thing: None of us will do this perfectly. God knows this, and so should we. At times we will slip and give way to our own sinful nature. That's why daily repentance is called for. But what God requires in us is an undivided heart. The overall desire of our hearts, and the burden of our prayers, must always be, "Not my will, but Thine be done!

In summary, the Christian's cross is one of doing the will of God no matter what. Living to please our Lord must be uppermost in our minds, just as being obedient to the Father and going to Calvary was uppermost in our Lord's mind. Christ's suffering was redemptive, while ours is not (we are sinners, while he was and is the sinless Son of God), but it should not be surprising that, as we deny ourselves and follow the One who suffered such abuse from the world, we ourselves experience some suffering because of our association with Him.

http://www.opc.org/qa.html?question_id=140

2008-07-16T18:25:00.001+08:00

2008-07-14T01:13:00.002+08:00

This is the very first SIM music video I watched. Thought I did share the good stuff :D as Germ did.

2008-07-09T01:01:00.003+08:00

I keep seeing rats in the neighborhood, scuttling across my path and freaking me out. They're huge I tell you, nothing like hamsters. I wonder if Japan has rats? Probably more. Which reminds me of the bubonic plague, which reminds that I have to read more about such stuff. Maybe I'll work with rats in the lab? Haven't got much time left here.

Been trying to meet up everyone at least once before leaving, it's harder now that most of my friends are working. No more carefree student days! The same can be said for me the moment I arrive in the lab. Everyone is exhausted on the weekdays and have even lesser time to recuperate on the weekends.

I will miss those carefree days. Short of the last semester and exam period, the rest of uni has been pretty idyllic. Everyone's going their own way, fulfilling their destinies. What lies ahead? It's all in God's hands. His firm and secure hands and no one can snatch me away.

2008-07-06T01:03:00.002+08:00

Healer

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You’re my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You’re my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands

If you have heard of this film, book called, "The Secret", there is something fundamentally fishy with it. The principal behind it is, that we think what we will be because the universe welcomes it. E.g. If we think we will be healed then we will be healed. What's fundamentally odd is, where does the power to heal come from then? I just want to complete the picture. We don't have the power, we know it. We didn't create the world, we didn't create the universe. The power comes from a higher being, no? Hence, a demonstration here in believing in higher powers. That God can heal and He heals! Believe in things of substance. Keep believing in Jesus if you already do, and if you haven't I hope one day you'll experience for yourself how awesome believing in Him can be. All things are possible in Christ!

Thanksgiving

2008-06-06T03:02:00.004+08:00

After 4 years, I made it. Thank you God, thank you to everyone who made this possible. Without you, nothing could have been. Family, friends, colleagues for past few months and people who have in some way or other been there along the way. It is done.

2008-06-01T01:04:00.000+08:00

Oh forgive me. I couldn't resist not putting this. HAHAHAHA....

2008-05-31T01:54:00.002+08:00

A depressed dog.

Ruff was discovered with a fishball sized lump on her ear this Sunday. She finally got the lump operated on Wednesday. It has been :s eversince. I feel depressed looking at her. Look how sad she looks in this picture. Not to mention it's been difficult looking after her. She stinks btw, all thanks to the wet wound after the operation. And while unwrapping the bandages yesterday, she flapped her ears real hard to get rid of all the stuff that oozed out of her wound after the op, and guess where all that gunk landed? On me and the floor. Bleah.

10 more days of this. I know we can make it. Right Ruff?

2008-05-23T00:47:00.002+08:00

David Bromberg's song "Kaatskill Serenade" tells the story of Rip Van Winkle from the first-person perspective. The chorus is:

Where are the men that I used to sport with?

What has become of my beautiful town?

Wolf, my old friend, you don't even know me.

This must be the end; my house has tumbled down.

The last few months has been Rip Van Winkle. Instead of literally sleeping, life has stopped in all its work. Disconnected.

2008-05-14T04:06:00.001+08:00

This is what I've been up to :D My new bestfriend *muacks*

2008-05-07T00:38:00.002+08:00

Erm. Yea guess I'm still in Yr 1.

2008-04-18T00:20:00.002+08:00

Not exactly back from the dead. Taking some time off to mess with this blog :D Time's running out and I'm still procrastinating. Shucks.

It happened.

2008-01-05T22:18:00.000+08:00

Really upset. My phone was first lost at the science center and kept by some dishonest creep, which ruined the day for Candice too. I knew something like this would happen one day because I'm so careless. Plus my phone is NEW. Arrrrgh. I've misplaced my umbrella and pencil case within the last 2 weeks too. What is happening to me? Geez. I've never lost things continuously, guess I must have been rather distracted. *tears hair out*

Lost all my contacts :( I'm going to get a new SIM card ASAP. So if I can't recognize your call or SMS, please don't be too upset.

Beauty and the Geek.

2007-12-14T21:16:00.000+08:00

I am the Geek and I'm proud of it!!! *pllbt*

I feel geeky. Can geekiness be considered as feeling? I've been chilling out with the books, the computer and the games. Going back to school after the exams ended, reading journals next. Looking up on universities and research stuff. The geek gravitates between school, home and church. So I think I'm a godly geek? Erm. I think I need more emphasis on the GODLY. I wished I could have gone for the camp. But, I couldn't. Not even one evening. I get bits and pieces that transpired there and God seemed to have been really busy there. Perhaps I haven't been actively seeking God. Ashamed to say that many times I feel that God is the One who reaches out to me, the wayward bespectacled sheep. Maybe God wants to be found, He is waiting for me to open my eyes, put on those glasses and see what He's been doing. He wants to cure me of my deafness to His voice, that the noise of this world has caused. So much to be done. So much to say. So much to rectify. Yet, I feel as though I've haven't got a voice.

Blogs.

2007-12-08T00:08:00.000+08:00

Had a discussion with my friends about blogs today, we all love visiting people's blogs in our free time, entertaining ourselves with so and so's life, love life, etc.. Some people put up their life stories on their blogs and geez, their lives do seem like a soap opera. It's their blog, they're free to do what they want to do, but I wonder if they have any idea what kind of Internet traffic they are generating. I guess not. So, I came to the conclusion that whatever I post up here had better be neutral and non-gossip fodder. Haha. And. I've decided to blog only when I really have a point to make.
Considering that I've kinda disappeared, not really though, I still post little short snippets that don't really say much. I can only say that I have been really busy. On the other hand, I feel like I have not accomplished much. There wasn't a break after the exams, lessons started the very next day! This course has cured me of any desire to be an entrepreneur, at least for now. Living, breathing, eating, sleeping and talking entrepreneurship for the whole week! Educating this financial dummy here about stocks, shares and marketing. Frankly, it was TOO much. I'm totally brain dead now.
Aside the pain, there were some fringe benefits :D The best place to go on a holiday is Bandung. Fellow suffering BS ppl, should understand why. Hehe. It sells American brands like GAP, Banana Republic and more at goodness knows what fraction of a price! That's coz all the factories are there and apparently shrewd money-making factory owners have opened up factory outlets selling the excess and rejected goods at a fraction of the price! Hohohoho. Do I foresee a shopping spree soon?
I used to think that doing business was very risky, apparently not so. When the risk has been calculated correctly, it is actually not that bad. The difficulty lies in the many variable factors . I think it's crazy. I'm much happier being a researcher. Calculating risks seem worse than huddling in the lab. If I had to look at a spreadsheet all day, consider competitors tactics, Porter's 5 forces, etc... I rather go into a coma. I salute all business ppl out there. Hat's off!

Aside all that business about business (heh), here's 2 Aquafresh ads by the talented Wongfu ppl.

2007-11-27T21:11:00.000+08:00

Exams, the best time to hibernate. Sleep. Eat. Study. *Yawn*

2007-11-25T23:55:00.000+08:00

2007-11-05T16:36:00.000+08:00

What's painful and occurs twice a year for most undergrads?

Ans: The exams are here again :)My last series of papers as an undergraduate. Life after this is a huge "?" . My final year project seems like a big mystery to me, although I already know what I'll be working with. It's going to be exciting. Before the fun stuff, the boring stuff happens first. Exams are a pain. *Groan* Despite telling myself to start early for revision every semester, I always find myself procrastinating and studying at the very last minute. What's the difference this time? I'm really unsure of what I know or what I have to read. I'm relying on God's grace again, as always. The amount of stuff that has to be memorized and vomited out feels inhuman.

These are the days that I'll be battling it out:

20th Nov - Cell Biology

23rd Nov - Muscle Biology

27th Nov - Immunology

28th Nov - Structural Biology

30th - Immunomics

Having a hard time convincing myself to do my best. I know I'll regret if I don't though. Mugmugmugmugmug. My eyes are closing despite how hard I will them to stay open. Nothing seems to be going into this empty head of mine. Still. I will trust God. That's all that really matters.

2007-10-19T23:01:00.000+08:00

Switchfoot: Let That Be Enough

This song means alot to me. And the answer is God :) Everytime I fall down, I am a step closer to You. It hurts, but I know You'll be there to comfort me. You sent Your angels and I thank You for them. When I asked You to mould me 8 years ago, I certainly wasn't expecting this and I know there will be more to come. My sandcastles are falling apart, but Your love is enough.

2007-10-17T20:22:00.000+08:00

Are YOU excited?

2007-10-13T00:49:00.000+08:00

Someday, I would like to see the breath-taking Northern Lights dance across the Arctic Circle and take many beautiful pictures.
Any takers who wanna go in a couple of years too?

2007-10-07T00:39:00.000+08:00

Some good things that have happened lately:

The bacteria have decided to be good and start overproducing purple protein! Yay. Nice dark purple protein :) Thanks to them I got a payrise. Hahaha. And I get to do more stuff in the lab.

Eliz taught me how to play something on the keyboard :) Germ got me a guitar, but I've yet to really play with it.

Hiphop dancing has provided a pretty good outlet for excess energy and a perk me up weekly event.

Other than that, I really have to buck up on my homework. Lagging faaaaaarr behind. No more slacking.

2007-09-28T02:57:00.000+08:00

This song wormed into my head and refused to get out. Result: Walking home with a stupid grin. :)

2007-09-20T18:24:00.000+08:00

Chocolate and Slavery

The sinister story behind chocolate
Steve Chalke
September 18, 2007

CHOCOLATE is regarded as a treat, a sweet luxury often given as a gift. But that is only part of its story. The rest is more sinister. Two hundred years after the British Empire abolished the slave trade, nearly half the world's chocolate is made from cocoa grown in Ivory Coast, West Africa, where tens of thousands of children are forced to work on plantations as slaves.

A 2002 study estimated that at least 284,000 children were trapped in forced labour in the West African cocoa industry, the majority of these — some 200,000 — were to be found in Ivory Coast. Even the most conservative estimates, including those by the chocolate companies themselves, concede that the number of chocolate slaves is at least 12,000.

These children are forced to apply pesticides without protective clothing and to work for up to 12 hours a day on the plantations for little or no pay. Their toil helps the giant chocolate makers produce the chocolate we find on the shelves of our stores.

Parliamentarian and social justice crusader William Wilberforce, whose life-long crusade resulted in the abolition of the slave trade — which then formed a critical part of the economic foundations of the British Empire — would be horrified. A recent feature film, Amazing Grace, heralds Wilberforce's crusade to free the slaves, yet the tragedy is that more people are ensnared in slavery today than in the entire 400 years of the trans-Atlantic slave trade.

Human trafficking generates $A37 billion annually and enslaves at least 12 million around the globe. Some estimates even put the number of people enslaved as high as 27 million. And the epicentre of today's slave trade is in Australia's backyard — South-East Asia.

The tragic nature of this industry is evident when you realise that the average age of a girl locked in sexual slavery in South-East Asia is 12 or 13.

However complex this trade in people, it is inescapable that there is a strong and foundational link between poverty and modern-day slavery. People who are poor are more vulnerable. We can't fight slavery without fighting poverty.

Overseas aid is critical to developing better public justice systems but it is also important in providing livelihoods for emancipated slaves.

According to the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, people trafficking is the world's fastest-growing crime, already bigger than the international drug trade and second only to the illegal buying and selling of arms.

But action is being taken. Stop The Traffik, the organisation I founded three years ago, now has more than 600 member organisations in 60 countries around the globe determined to raise awareness of the problem and to demand action at all levels to bring it to an end. One of the most powerful tools we have at our disposal is as consumers. In 2000, the chief executives of the major chocolate makers were hauled before the US Senate and a bill was proposed that would require the chocolate industry to certify all their chocolate as "slave-free".

The cocoa industry successfully lobbied against this, arguing that the supply chain for cocoa was complex, with middlemen buying the beans and mixing them before selling them on to conglomerate buyers.

But such major companies control the market and they can determine under what conditions they buy their cocoa beans. Unless the industry can guarantee that our chocolate is not made from beans picked by trafficked children, then we will never make progress. Industry must be able to tell people which farms beans are from and must guarantee no trafficked labour.

Consumers for their part should buy chocolate only from those companies that give this guarantee. It is a practical way we can all contribute to today's crusade to end modern-day slavery.

Human trafficking is a global problem that requires a global response. At the end of his life William Wilberforce referred to the battle against slavery as "unfinished business". Today, working together, we can complete the task.

Steve Chalke is founder of the global Stop The Traffik campaign. Go to: http://www.stopthetraffik.org.au/

An extremely painful thought: If boycotting chocolate can end the slavery. Yea, I will. But, can it?

2007-09-13T22:49:00.000+08:00

There was an old lady feeding squirrels in the park in Savannah and we snapped pics of the squirrels while they were in a frantic rush for bread crumbs.

How I miss the benches under the trees back in Tech. In Singapore, there are no squirrels scampering across the field from 1 tree to another. There are only cats. :s

2007-09-04T23:37:00.000+08:00

Dearest, most esteemed parents have left for their 2nd honeymoon. Not even sure if my parents EVER had a honeymoon. They were really poor when they got married. I'm left at home with Ruffy. It's just the both of us. If I'm hungry I may just cook her. Heh. (Like real) It's really quiet at home :S I like noise. So I'm making noise at home. TV, radio, etc... If not it's pin-drop silence.

Anyway, I present : The Cross

Something tells me I don't want to be like Fido Dido here. Though many times I ask God the very same question.

2007-08-31T02:17:00.000+08:00

I survived! 2 sleep deprived nights preparing powerpoint slides for 2 consecutive days of presentation. I'm getting used to talking on the stage. Not forgetting the graded Immunology tutorial that didn't make sense in the beginning. The worse is probably over for now, until the exams roll round the corner.

Time flew exceptionally quickly this year, and before I know it, I'll be out of NTU and into the Biopolis. Is there more to life than this? Feeling really restless, really unproductive, not just in terms of work, but in God's kingdom. How I long to go out there and proclaim the good news with no reservations.But, noooo.... One must always speak with properly peppered words. What wisdom is it to speak like a fool? I am fool because I talk like one.

I really admire Travis, for giving it all to God. I miss them lots. All the bible studies, crusade meetings, prayer meetings, the evangelizing, the parties, movie outings, roadtrips...

The crusaders.

2007-08-25T01:59:00.000+08:00

Went to watch... 881. Anyway, the song played when the credits was rolling is really nice :)

2007-08-21T00:32:00.000+08:00

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

Dear God,

Grant me strength. This is so suffocating, choking the life out of me. *puke*

2007-08-12T00:36:00.000+08:00

"Fun game": tagged by eliz

Rules of the game: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end, you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks.

1.Before putting on braces, my 2 front teeth were so obvious that people thought I was smiling when I wasn't. Sometimes, people will actually ask me what am I smiling about when I don't close my mouth completely. :D

2. I've contemplated getting a scooter license so that I can get my very own cream coloured vespa scooter. But, I think I shouldn't. I'm already dangerous enough on a bicycle :S

3. The last thing you can imagine is Dawn running around the jungle in camouflage being GI Jane. After my A's, I applied for the SAF women's scholarship which required me to do exactly that. I made it all the way to the interview, 12 army officers against lil' ole me. Talk about a "live" firing session. Guess they couldn't imagine me carrying a rifle either, that explains why I'm still here. Haha.

4. I own a burgeoning wardrobe of clothes, in which I only wear maybe about 1/3 of the clothing in it. I always find some excuse to keep my clothes no matter how old, small they are.

5. Super bad memory for card games, game rules, jokes and music theory. I've been taught how to play the piano, the cello, the recorder (everyone has lor) and guitar. But, what do I STILL know how to play? I mastered the first 3 instruments, meaning I could play complete pieces on them. The guitar can't be considered because I've yet to play a complete piece on it. Ask me to play now and I can't play ANYTHING. I think I exasperated my piano teacher. You can tell me the same riddle 2 weeks later and I won't be able to remember the answer. Fun right?

6. Read me like an open book. I am lousy at hiding my emotions. Enuff said.

7. I jiggle, wiggle and pirouette in the privacy of my own home. I jiggle, wiggle and swing in dance classes. Yes, I dance. (Well, used to, no chance now.) Surprise, surprise. Though I'm not good at it, but at least it's better than my attempts at mastering an instrument.

8. Disclaimer: I've got sweaty palms and feet. Don't say I didn't warn you. Which makes my shoes smell at times, especially when I wear them for too long.

9. I've been told I snore. Loudly.

10. Listen to Alternative rock Franz Ferdinand, Indie Rock music, Mayday, though I hardly seem like the person to. More of a rock person than a pop person. If it makes sense to you. I also adore the polar opposite of rock music, jazz and easy listening tunes.

The 6 people I pick are: Lichang, Ereen, Geraldine, Christine, Marilyn and Evangeline.

Haha. Finally I answered the questions eh. Not as difficult as I thought.

2007-08-10T22:08:00.000+08:00

A bird landed on my shoulder in an air-conditioned SBS bus.

?!?!?!?!?!!?

Don't ask me how the bird got into the bus and flew to the upper deck of the double-decker bus, but it did. The poor thing was trapped and flew smack into the windows in failed attempts to get out of the bus. It made a few girls scream and passengers vacate half the deck. It made me scream as it flew into me, but I could only sit in my seat as the stairway was clogged with students it had frightened. Finally, a brave soul, walked to the front of the bus, caught it and held tight onto the indignantly squawking bird. Thank God the pane right behind the bus could be opened slightly and the poor creature was let out where it belongs.

What can I say. 1 bird vs a deck (-1, the brave guy who caught the bird) of frightened passengers.

2007-08-06T22:45:00.000+08:00

I've been insanely busy even before school started. Lagging behind in my emails and updating this blog. So, yes school started Again. It's the last of the familiar humdrum and strangely, I know I will miss it. Especially Candice and Jac. I would say things will be different this semester as my mind is occupied by different matters. What used to mean alot, mean less now. Otherwise, my thoughtlife is still pretty much tormented by doubts and inadequacy. Which makes me cling on tight to Philippians 4:8 " Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Been failing miserably at it though, unpleasant thoughts chase me into my sleep, spinning disturbing dreams.

I thought this was the end, maybe it's only the beginning. The beginning of freedom long overdue.

2007-07-22T01:51:00.000+08:00

Mr Snowman in a fantasy world of his own.

2007-07-19T23:40:00.000+08:00

When was the last time you ate durian from its shell?

2007-07-12T01:10:00.000+08:00

Something that was as ordinary as meeting Faye for lunch today turned out to be the biggest highlight of the week.

A guy came up to us and asked for help in filling out a survey form and Faye started conversation with him, asking him why he was doing this survey. Somehow, later she asked him if anyone had shared the gospel with him and he said yes. However, he wasn't ready to accept the gospel and wanted to let nature take its course, if there was a God, He would send a sign for him to accept Him, no? But, Faye probed him further. By asking him questions about heaven and hell and where did he think he was going to go after that? As for letting nature take its course and signs, I think Faye talking to him out of the blue about Salvation is enough of a sign. Amazingly, the Holy Spirit must have been working on his heart for quite sometime because he accepted Christ readily. Here was this guy thinking that it would just be another ordinary day and walks up to 2 girls to complete surveys and he ends up walking away with eternal life. Ain't it an awesome deal?

It takes purpose to share the gospel. If Faye hadn't been direct by going to the point about the Gospel and be persistent enough to push through all the discomfort, I think the guy wouldn't have been saved. Tis a miracle! Imagine saving a soul everytime I eat lunch, but of course it is not up to me. It is all the Holy Spirit's doing for softening hearts. But, we have to do our part too. Many times, I find that I haven't been persistent enough when it comes to sharing the gospel.

We don't know when we are going to die, if I told you that Christ will save you and allow you to go to heaven despite your sins, would you take it? Because time is running out.

What the heck are you doing Dawn?

2007-07-03T23:20:00.000+08:00

Ah haha.. Yes. Changed the skin again. Shalom pointed out to me that it's the same as Ereen's. Thought I should be more original. Hehe. So here's a more summer vacation theme. Since it's summer back home all year round, this should be a non-issue.

Oh yes, where was I? Saw Frances off at the airport because she was going to HK to work. A whole lot of us went to see her off, probably one of the largest farewell parties I've ever seen. I pray that God will watch over her and keep her. It's not easy being overseas, having to settle down all over again and getting used to the environment. Especially when there is a language barrier.

Finally celebrated Sheena's birthday at Tong Shui and Bakerzin. Realised that we're not really a photo-taking bunch. Hence, the lack of photos with them. Guess I'll remember to bring my camera the next time I go out with them. Burst out laughing when I realised that Teng bought the same bag for Sheena. But, Sheena definitely had the better bag, my bag's rubbery! Hers is leather. But at least, the birthday girl liked it. Had a really great time catching up with them on their lives and talking rubbish. Haha. I think Teng will not tell us anymore stuff because we kept teasing her :P

Yummy Dark Choc something. This is not even mine! Bleah

It' s another week of hustle and bustle, except I get to spend more time at home this week. Which is good! Really need to spend some time packing, unpacking and sorting out junk. Looking forward to meeting more people! Miss them lots.

Fickle, fickle

2007-06-27T01:13:00.000+08:00

Change of skin. Again! I guess I got irritated with the phrase on the previous skin, " cause feelings mean nothing". I felt kinda disturbed everytime I look at it. So it's GONE. For good. Muahahaha.
Came back late again today. Went to catch Fantastic 4 with Candice, Corinne and Germ. As usual, I arrived late from work. The number of things to do increases everyday. *sweat* Need an extra pair of hands.

All I wanna do....

2007-06-25T00:20:00.000+08:00

All I wanna do

is NOTHING.

Absolutely nothing. Just hang around at home and REST. Watch the clouds go by and ponder, seek God about what to do and how to deal in many aspects. Organize my scattered thoughts. My life is so disorganized now! Can't stand it. My room is a reflection of my life and currently it is filled with clutter. My mum has amazingly converted my room into a store room while I was away.

Here's what the week has been like. Work, work, work, work and Work.

Mon: Went to Takashimaya for my acne riddled face. Came out looking like a pinched tomato and boy did it hurt :(

Tues: Fiona's 21st birthday at the Vilage (Heeren)

Wed: Glady's farewell at Marche (Vivocity)

Thurs: Dinner with Yingz at JE

Fri: Shopping for birthday presents with Germ, Yingz and Faye came over to my place at 11plus pm.... Yingz stayed over and Faye came to collect her luggage. Really hope to meet up with her after she's back from her mission trip to Santiago.

Sat: Bathed my smeeeeellly dog. Headed down to church for leader's meeting, shopped around for more presents with Karen, OCX, Dan and then to Roanna's 21st birthday.

Sun: Churchie church. Dinner with Karen, OCX, Joel (x2), Shalom and Samuel. Germ and Joel dropped by and stayed around till 12, looking at my photos from the trip and videos on youtube. It's Germ's fault that I'm starting to like Crazy Frog because it looks hilarious. Esp when germ imitates it.

The coming week.. is equally bad. I wish I had time to jog, but I don't. Bumped into my friend (who was jogging) on my way home earlier and he said I should jog asap because... he could see my tummy!!!! No thanks to his honesty. Well, what he said was true. Strangely, I don't feel that affected. My tummy reminds me of happy days eating Reese Peanut Butter Cups. It's going away anyway, due to the starvation during work.

2007-06-20T00:47:00.000+08:00

Here I promised photos.
http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=924&l=998c4&amp;amp;id=227800168
Guess I'm too unmotivated to blog about my trip in words. So this is my photo blog part 1 for the trip. While we were still in Atlanta.
I have so many things to blog about that I don't know where to start. Thanks for reading my blog though, the purpose of blogging is so that you (Yes you!) can read it.
Like Sheena said, blog about Teng and her coming to pick me up at the airport. I was really surprised by you both! Both of you cheered me up :) I'm sorry that I had to leave so soon though. I guess I should develop the habit of taking more photos, so that I have more to remember things by.
As expected, I've been out alot catching up with people that I have not seen for the past 5 mths. Hung out with Cherie for a couple of days, before she flew back to Vancouver. Did I tell you I looooveee my dearest cuzzies? They are my darlings.
Feel really blessed to have so many angels in disguise around me, for picking me up when I fall apart and standing by my side.
I'm still quite alive despite all the busy-ness. Started work a week ago and I'm glad to hide in the lab all day long. Can't fathom how I used to be able to stand the heat and humidity. My occupation is to grow bacteria and keep those lil' bags happy. When they are happy they will produce my favourite protein. If not, I think my prof will be more than unhappy. I have wonderful colleagues too :) However, it doesn't mean that I can't wait to get off work and get a life. It's probably my most enjoyable job so far, but I still prefer studying. At least, you get hols as a student, no?

Who is Oguri Shun??! (Cher and Me at HK Cafe) Credits: Lenggy.

I'll be back (soon)

2007-06-01T14:51:00.000+08:00

I will miss Atlanta. it has already grown on me. Haha. Only few more hours to fly and I'm still awake, it's gonna be more than 24hrs of sleeping, eating, sitting, stoning and reflecting upon what I've been up to for the past 5 months. Somethings are best left here and some I'm going to bring home, for example, cooking! Hehe. I starting to type gibberish... So, I guess I'll make this short. I'm on my way back home. Home sweet home Singapore. (not Alabama) And I'll be posting pictures of my 1 mth long roadtrip round the States, once I get enough motivation. (Hint: Need motivation) Or you could refer to Caleb's blog for highlights of the trip. Hasta la vista :) I'll see you guys back in Singapore soon!

2am in Las Vegas

2007-05-14T17:40:00.000+08:00

It's been 10days since I left Tech. Been to New York, Niagara Falls and Toronto. Talk about speed travelling. Really tired now, considering it's close to 6am in the morning to me, but only 2.45am in Las Vegas. I have only went back 3 hrs back in time. Arrrgh. Yep, but I'm well and alive in case you are wondering where I've disappeared to. Will be heading next to Los Angeles, San Diego and San Francisco. Then I'll be back on the 3rd of June!! In the meantime, I doubt I'll be able to blog at all. Because free wireless here is scarce. And I've got no time to blog either. I promise pictures when I'm back in Sg :)

Exams are finally over!

2007-05-04T13:58:00.000+08:00

Yep. That's all I have the energy to type to for now. I'm glad that the exams are over, a huge load off my mind. Been spending more time with friends whom I'm not going meet sometime soon in the future, no thanks to the distance that separates 2 continents. Lots of stuff left to be done.
In case you are wondering, Caleb is safe and sound with me and has settled in quite comfortably.

A time to rejoice, a time to weep.

2007-04-21T06:27:00.000+08:00

The killings on Monday at VT has shocked the entire US. School is no longer a safe place. I can't help but wonder what goes on in the mind of Cho Seung-Hui the guy who meticulously thought out the whole killing spree and how alike I was to his victims. It's easy for me to picture the scene in my eye. A guy who suddenly walks into the classroom and showers it with bullets and the next moment your friends and probably yourself are dead. This reminds me of what life is about and what is worth living for. Definitely not grades, why would grades matter when you are dead? I couldn't remain apathetic to the killings that are happening right under my nose, maybe I would be less affected in Singapore as I cannot really identify with the scene. But, now that I am studying in US, it's easy to see how such a tragedy can happen and how traumatic it is.

Spent the week in reflection and prayer for the community in Virginia Tech and for God's mercy on the killer's soul. How misguided he was. I pray that God' glory and love will be evident in VT. What Man meant for evil, God will turn it for good. He will turn winter into spring, He will make something good out of all this suffering.

Other than that, I have been studying and working on my homework. 1 more week to the finals :S I need God's strength to pull me through all of this. I don't see how I'm going to survive without His help. Seriously.

Easter with the Shekarabis

2007-04-14T13:47:00.000+08:00

Spent Easter over at Andrea's home. I learnt how to cook some authentic American food and got to know her family and friends. Her parents are really cool people and her Mum is really humourous. I love the Shekarabis!! Thanks for adopting me.

Pool sharks
I missed home too, reminds me of how Mum will buy hot cross buns for Gd Friday and Easter. Next year we'll bake them, won't we Mum? I wish we cooked more at home.
Missed the steak and cake today, but went for prayer meeting today. Steven, our ever gracious host, fed us with cheese dip with nacho chips and wheat choc chip cookies. I was stuffed to the brim. No wonder I'm growing horizontally. I'm starting to enjoy praying corporately :)

A big misunderstanding and ugly accusations

2007-04-10T05:06:00.000+08:00

It is disappointing that my parents think so little of me. No thanks to dad for all the accusations and no, I won't be like Juliana because it's not like that at all. Things are not what you assume it to be. I can't force people to adhere to my travel plans. We're all splitting up into smaller groups anyway. If what I've said initially caused you both to worry, I'm really sorry.

No longer bound by law.

2007-04-05T01:31:00.000+08:00

Something about a recent Bible study hit me really hard. We are free from the Law, as mentioned in Galatians 5. So are we free to do whatsoever we wish if we accept Christ? Not really. Why? Because I am compelled to obey the Law because I love God. Perhaps the best way to illustrate this would be me cleaning the house because my mum threatens to take away my allowance if I don't VS me cleaning the house because I love my mum. Same end result, but when I obey my mum because I love her, it'll make me feel happy and free, not bound, not forced to do something I don't want to. I am really overjoyed and relieved having this freedom, because it's no longer a chore to follow what God says. If I tried to follow God's rules, eg: Love your brother as yourself, on my own, without accepting help from the Holy Spirit, without love for God, I will feel that I'm being coerced into doing it. Perhaps, that's what I felt before. If we love God and His commands, we will not feel that we're forced to obey and be fearful of punishments if we don't do it. Instead, we will follow it joyfully and experience relief. Haven't we ever felt really disturbed, frustrated at doing something that we are forced to do? The relief I'm speaking of is being free of feeling this way.

The thought that I am free in Christ, turns any rotten day into a good one :)

No words can express my gratitude for Your love

2007-04-01T13:33:00.000+08:00

The testimony shared by a fellow student at today's tea session in Tech struck a chord with me. How often have I tried to fill the emptiness within me with people's affections, approval and so forth? I once was obsessesed with trying to earn someone's love and it only left me broken. Now, I try to earn approval from my parents or lecturers. The amusing thing is gaining all these things won't be enough anyway. I didn't know I had put idols before God. Like Leah, I tried to earn another person's love by doing all that I thought could get me his love. I realise how wrong I have went and how unhappy it made me. In the end, I was willing to settle for something less and I did. But, I thank God that He didn't allow me to settle for less. Things didn't last and fell apart. Things wouldn't have went wrong if my eyes were on God, fell into the trap of idolising someone. Thank You for setting me free God. It's easy to fall into the trap and not realise it. Which is why I need to come back to God so frequently. It's just a fine line away from falling.

Off to the hospital.

2007-03-29T00:27:00.000+08:00

They are gonna drain my eye :( The gd ole doc thinks its neccessary. Should've seen my face fall when she said that. I would have laughed if I weren't the one whose eye is gonna get poked.

Back to the land of cluelessness.

2007-03-26T05:39:00.000+08:00

Yaaaarggh. I can't seem to get the program up and running. Dawn and computers don't mix. Please don't even ask me why I'm taking so many programming modules this sem. I don't really have much choice. Praying hard that God will give me the wisdom to get things up and running, if not be humble enough to seek HELP!!!! I'm giving myself till tonight. Guess if I get stuck then I'll have to look for the TA. Oh and guess what? I have an exam coming Thurs on equations that I do not recognize at all. Save me God.
Things are out of my control, but I'm not feeling panicky at all. I pray that God will see my family through this and change my Dad's perspective on working. Thank God that it won't affect me immediately and that I have some means to look after myself now. Graduating in 1 yr's time. Really hope to go into grad sch. Although the allowance is only sufficient for me to support the family a little and not enough for saving or an extravagant lifestyle, I guess I'll live with it for now. I'm biding my time for the long haul ahead. While my friends are probably gonna go for jobs that earn big bucks, I am waiting for God to open doors for me.
Feel that I am learning to get over my fear of asking people for help. I don't like to trouble people and this has something to do with my pride. But, I've been asking and getting alot of help from lotsa people lately. Especially Germ. She's been a blessing to me. She hangs around even when I'm not fit for company, went through bad patches and she's always been around to give me support, even now. I LOVE you so much germy!!!! God bless your dear heart.

Chance of a lifetime

2007-03-23T14:21:00.000+08:00

It's been a meaningful Spring Break. Well, at least the time spent in Fort Lauderdale, Miami. I'm finally back "home". Felt a little wistful when all my friends were saying how much they looked forward to going home to their friends and family, I'm not too bad myself either I would say.

The first thing I did when I got back was to turn on my lappie and call Mom.

I got to know the lovely people in crusade better :) Roomed with Laura, Katie and Andrea. They are such darlings and so are the rest. I must admit there were times when I felt odd, but it was wonderful to be accepted even when you are different.

All dressed up @ South Beach. Clothes courtesy of Laura, Katie and Andrea :)

I would like to say that this trip has kinda changed my perspective on evangelising. I am not as fearful of sharing the gospel with people anymore. Because I am simply stating a fact. And why should I water down the fact that Jesus died on the cross for our sins so that we can have a relationship with God? Please don't be angry with me, I am not discounting other religions. But consider why I am stating this as a fact, I cannot fathom why Jesus will die for me, because I simply don't deserve it, but he did. There will be no one else who will love me and the rest of mankind as much as Jesus does and so I can't hide this fact. It'll be selfish of me to keep this a secret.

Evangelising to the students of University of Miami does that to you. Sandhya and I shared the gospel with a hippie. This is the first time I've ever been up-close-and-personal with someone who believes in Universal Love and all that New Age stuff... Talking to her was interesting. And she was a really nice person, but abit strange though. Even gave me numbers to contact her friends over here in Atlanta. Which I doubt I will contact. It was Sandhya's first time doing street-E and well I wasn't really that experienced either. I had my doubts at first, but after listening to Micheal share his experiences and prayin' on the way UM, I guess we felt better and more prepared.

To sum it up, I guess people here are more willing to listen compared to the people in Sg. Or maybe I was less bold in Sg?

Partners in Evangelising! I wish had Sandhya's spunk. The girl's a chilli padi.
More pics click here: One, Two

Irate Dawn.

2007-03-16T20:27:00.000+08:00

Glad I've survived this week :) Going for my exam in about 1 plus hrs time and I'll be free! Free to enjoy my Spring Break until Thurs. Lotsa stuff to clear after I'm back, can't bum around watching movies until the break ends. Will be heading to Miami, Fort Lauderdale tomorrow! Whee! It's gonna be a 13 hr drive from here to there. Woah. And I'm still not sure who I'm riding with. Hmmm... I'll get my ride eventually.

I was pretty irate with my friends. It's the whole thing about being nice and how people oughta know their limits. And not to do everything that they're told to do without thinking.

Murphy's Law

2007-03-13T01:09:00.000+08:00

Feel as though everything that can go wrong has went wrong on me. In case you don't know, I lost 800 USD thanks to the robbing ATM. It'll take 45 days for the money to be returned to my account? Comforted by friends who showed concern though. Be it prayers, offers to lend me money ...
I don't know why eversince then, my mood has been spiraling downwards. Starting to miss home. I haven't talked to my parents for days because I haven't been able to call them when they're awake. I must talk to my parents soon and sleep more.

A sty in my eye.

2007-03-07T07:24:00.000+08:00

I hate getting sty in my eye. Woke up on Sun morning with one, the night b4 I slept my eye already felt prickly. Now it feels painful, swollen and itchy. Visited the Doctor and its weird that he only gave me oral medication, nothing to clean my eyes with. So tempted to buy eye wash lotion.. But I'm too lazy to walk to the supermarket so far away... Stys are a pain.
Having D gps tonight and I steamed some baos for the girls to try. My tau sar bao tastes so different from the one in Sg lah. For a start the tau sar seems different. And the baos are flat. Oh well. I miss good baos especially the one from the pau shop in Northpoint.
The medication makes me very sleepy... Feel asleep in both lectures I attended today :( Had a pop quiz after one of the lectures and well.. I hope I do well. Sigh.
Cannot-scratch-my-eye no matter how itchy it is.. Arrrrgggh.

College Tour.

2007-03-04T08:54:00.000+08:00

Hmm I don't have pics to post this weekend. Haha. Please don't kill me. I just felt weird taking out my cam this weekend. Because I didn't exactly go sight-seeing. Left for Athens and went to Athens, the college town of University of Georgia, Athens. Whereby more than half of the inhabitants of the town are college kids and clubs and pubs fill 4 Streets of Downtown. Reminds me of the club that Buffy the Vampire Slayer goes to. lol.
Got invited to an interesting event held at UGA which is not meant for GT students. But, there were no hiccups though, fitted perfectly into the college crowd without suspicion. This event has free food, free movies and free custom-made souvenirs :) I got some souvenirs which was really cool :) Anne was so sweet to give me her wristband so that I could get the goodies too.
Stayed over at their place after that and the 5 of us played cards till wee hrs in the morning. Learnt how to play Vietnamese version of Dai Dee. Hehe. Anyone wanna learn? Actually slept at 5 this morning!! And woke up at 9 plus. Just reached back at about 7pm-ish. Coz after lunch we headed to Emory another university in Atlanta to watch Wen Eu's friend perform in a Christian drama thingy. Although there were technical errors and stuff, they performed really well. I can never not be amazed by what Jesus has done for us. He came down to die in our place. I so don't deserve Him dying for me. I want to love Him more.
Without love I will only be a resounding gong. Hollow and empty, no substance at all. I pray that He will teach me how to love others unconditionally. Coz deeds without love mean nothing. Zilch.

Weekends are so precious...

2007-03-02T06:55:00.000+08:00

Another weekend rolling round again :D Oh well. Tests and homework aside, I've been applying for more internships. The early bird catches the worm you see? And I really want to practice what I have learnt and get paid for it at the same time.
This weekend I'll be heading for Athens, a college town an hr away from Atlanta. While the rest, except for one other friend, will be heading for Smoky Mountains. I am too broke to go to Smoky Mountains. Must save money for end of sem break. Sheesh. According to my guidebook, it seems worth visiting, since I'm a mere hr away. It's really nice of Wen Eu to bring me there and we'll be putting up at his friend's place. Which makes me feel kinda bad to trouble 2 people. Oh well... Must start thinking of ways I can say thanks to Wen Eu and his friend. What should I do? Hmmm... ... ....

About Spring Break, my friends' reactions were rather neutral. No worries then.

I kinda enjoy this solitude. I don't mind being alone, not that I mind company either. But, I'm fine alone. Helps to me to hear God better. School has been hectic, I just thank God for being here with me. There are so many occasions that He has saved me from hiccups. Well, I believe He brought me here for a purpose and I don't want to disappoint Him. Giving it my best shot be it school, being an encouragement, a testimony... blah blah blah.

Last weekend's pics of Dim Sum @ Chinatown and Georgia Aquarium
http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=596&l=f90fe&amp;amp;amp;amp;id=227800168

This is going to be exciting!

2007-02-25T13:32:00.000+08:00

I've just made a decision that will shock my Sg friends. I have paid in full 175USD for my Spring Break trip to Miami with the crusaders. It wasn't a decision made on impulse. I prayed about it. I simply don't feel the draw towards Disneyland as much as I use to. Although I've wanted to visit it since I was 3, when Dad bought me Mickey Mouse from Cali. Disneyland, themeparks, meaningless sightseeing VS serving God in a different capacity, albeit not much sightseeing. Which would you choose? My rationale is that God will bless me so much more than I can ever anticipate. I can do the sightseeing after the semester ends. And somehow doing something for God sounds much more exciting than going to fantasyland. I like my fellow exchange buddies, but I feel like breaking away from them sometimes. I know my role among them and I feel I need to recharge. I can't keep being salty when I feel like I'm running out of flavour sometimes. It's not easy to encourage people to go to church and continuously live life the way Jesus would be pleased with. It's bloody difficult.
I'm breaking away. I'm spending one week with a bunch of people who are almost strangers. And I abandon my Spring Break in Your hands. Pray that God will use me and the rest of the crusaders greatly.

Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year

2007-02-24T05:33:00.000+08:00

They do not have holidays for Chinese New Year over here. How sad. They don't know what they're missing out on. And thanks to them I've got no hols either. Anyway school will not close down even if there's a snowstorm. Because it will cost them millions to close down for just one day. That's GT for you.

Guess what are the beads for?

These beads are from Mardi Gras, my friends brought them back for me when they went for their weekend trip to New Orleans. These beads are thrown from the floats to the crowd below and according to my friends they threw em real hard! Ow. What are the beads for? Erm.. Alright. If you want someone to show u some any part of their body, you gotta tell them the part you wanna see and if the person flashes you have to throw em the beads. Sleazy eh?

Spent Chinese New Year cooking most of the time and eating. Lol. My greatest achievement is making Yu Sheng from the scratch. Plum sauce and all. With the help of my friends of course. Sad to say, I didn't take any photos during the process.

Vday was just busy. Stayed in school till 7.30pm that day working on a project. But at 4pm my friends came over pass me a flower. Awww. So sweeet.

More photos click here :)

Another roadtrip, another hole in my pocket.

2007-02-14T10:22:00.000+08:00

Went to Savannah over the weekend and I luuurve the place!!!! Wish I could make it my permanent residence, weeeell kind of. Lots of rustic charm.
http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=547&l=0d981&id=227800168

Dear Jesus, this Valentine's Day, my heart belongs to You. And I want it to be so every Vday! Yay

A typical day...

2007-02-09T13:27:00.000+08:00

Overslept for the 3rd time this week. Overslept everyday except for MOnday... Arrgh what's wrong with me? Actually, I know what's wrong. Can't do anything about it, so can only force myself to get out of bed. Headed to school for the HRM exam... It'll be fine. I think. I wrote as much as I could. Hands ached after that.
Followed by lunch and studying for the quiz for the next day. I swear I have quizzes like everyday!!! Gdness. God save me. Let it snow or ice the tutors in or something, I need a break already. Haha.
Headed back home after school and started on my fried snickers bars immediately. I didn't take any photos, coz they simply looked ugly. I don't know why the batter refuses to stay on the chocolate! Why? I don't get it either. Is it the fat-free milk, or is it the flour? Arrrgh I don't know. I'll just have to finish frying all the bars with the remaining batter. Yep, took my ugly snicker bars over to Wen Eu's place for dinner and my B&J ice cream. Weeell, at least the bars tasted good. They could have tasted better.. I sooo miss Fried MArs Bars.. We had curry bee hoon. Haha. Abit bland because the curry was frozen, but it was alright, since I wasn't feeling all that well anyway. Sick food. Haha.
Went to watch the short movies produced by GT students in school after dinner, it was fun watching the short clips. Except that I couldn't get some of them. The winning film Fanya Kaplan was really piang piang ( superb!), about the attempted assasination of Lenin. They spoke Russian! Impressed and their filming skills really good. The funniest film went to lecture crashers. 2 students who crash lectures and do outrageous stuff like ordering pizza in the middle of lecture?! And other crazier stuff. Nuff said.
I'm back in my room mugging for my quiz tomorrow. *yawn*

Snowboarding, exams and being in my own world.

2007-02-05T06:38:00.000+08:00

Went snowboarding in the moutains last weekend and was it thrilling fun! Though I ended up on my butt half the time, I'm happy to say that I have kinda gotten the hang of it. Chance of lifetime. Why doesn't singapore SNOW??! People in the tropics are seriously missing out alot of fun.

Scary ski lift behind Bev and me.
http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=485&l=6899d&id=227800168
http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=486&l=791bd&id=227800168

Agnes went snowball-throwing-happy and ended up the target of all the people she threw snowballs at. Lol. It was good, clean, wet fun. Haha.
Wanted to go to New Orleans this coming weekend, but I thought I should just give it a miss due to my tight budget. Annnd.. I'm wondering if it's good for me to go there at all. I'm not going there to paartie, but to check out the voodoo hoodoo cemetries and haunted houses. Yea, sounds wrong right? Yep, guess I shouldn't test God. Didn't feel any peace about going, although I really wanted to go. But, not anymore I guess.

Going to watch Swan Lake this coming Friday at the Fox theatre and the tics are cheap, only 10 bucks :) But, I think I'll probably spend on food again. Sigh. HAte the exchange rate it's not working to my advantage.

2 tests this week! No more updates until I've got more time.

I'm back!

2007-01-26T06:41:00.000+08:00

Heh. Disappeared for a week. Oh well as promised I am posting more pics of our pancake session and whatever else was snapped. The pancakes tasted interesting. Yes. I can only describe it as interesting, the batter was off. Yea. :s

Click below for photos:
http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=468&l=322b6&id=227800168

I am tired. tired tired tired. Hate the rumours going around. Annoying.

School is insane...

2007-01-19T11:01:00.000+08:00

Weekends are for playing and weekdays are for mugging. NOT partying. Feel that I've been having too many dinner parties. Didn't get much work done. Actually just returned from 1 dinner party... What constitutes a dinner party? Homecooked food and 10 other people. Yup. I swear I am growing fat!!

I have 3 quizzes next week and 2 assignments remaining and it seems like I'm going to be out for the whole weekend. Stress. Life in GT doesn't allow you to slack like in NTU. Last minute cramming in NTU is the norm, but GT and the frequent quizzes won't allow you to do so. SO much for the AMerican system, they're aren't such slackers after all. Sad. I wanna play...
I am stressed on an exchange programme?! WHat's this man...

Making pancakes from the mix or from the scratch on Sat morning for breakfast. Will take some pictures of the whole chaotic process I guess. Haha.

Wild Weekend.

2007-01-17T10:52:00.000+08:00

I drove this weekend. It's an achievement that I could drive a car around an empty parking lot without crashing into anything and not scaring the passengers in the car. I'll never forget Dylan screaming while driving car... Hahahaha. Super scary. Yay. At least I know the basics.

Went to stone mountain and premier shopping outlets for cheap stuff and good shopping over the weekend. No more playing. Got lots to do. So here are my photos. Enjoy!

Tim and his daughters.

What's that?

Click below for more photos!

http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=432&l=eb423&id=227800168

http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=440&l=5fdac&id=227800168

1st week as GT student.

2007-01-11T12:29:00.000+08:00

Everything is falling to apart. The sink in my apartment was choked, the flush is funny and the fridge broke down and that's just at "home". Went to print stuff in school to discover that my account is not properly connected yesterday and today there was a network error. In total, I have wasted many hours trying to solve these glitches. I used to getting glitches, but frankly I am very ANNOYED.

*breath*

My apartmentmates are fine. 3 Singaporeans and 1 american. The Singaporeans dominate! And... A bunch of us always head down to my place for dinner. Feel quite bad for our American apartment mate actually. But, we're nice people, I always make sure that the kitchen stays clean. Heard horror stories from the guys though... About living-in girlfriends. Americans live up to their ideals about liberalism. They are really liberal.Sharing the same bathroom? Too liberal. Eew. Alright I am here for immersion, so culture shock is expected.

Anyway, more photos.

http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=430&l=ba654&id=227800168

Settling down

2007-01-05T12:45:00.000+08:00

I've disappeared for close to a week eversince I boarded the plane headed for Atlanta. Finally, I got internet access in my room. For the first few days the apartment wasn't ready and we had to stay in the youth hostel. 10 people shared 1 room. It is an experience that I hope I won't get to try again. Visited a few interesting places here for the past few days, school starts next week.

Coca Cola and Krispy Kreme. Getting fat.

http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=409&l=ec762&id=227800168

http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=410&l=498ac&id=227800168

In case you wonder who I'm with, I'm with 24 other people from NTU and 2 from NUS. Number of people attending the same lectures varies from module to module. That's not important though. Thank God that I have a some people to cook with and hang out with aside from lessons. However, they are all Singaporeans for now. Hope to know some locals here.

Eversince I stepped out of the house, I haven't had enough rest. I really hope to get some sleep now and go to church on Sunday. Miss spending more time with God, it's even more difficult to spend time with Him now as there are so many things to do, but I pray that God will give me the time and energy to enter into His presence. I need Him so much.

Pack, pack, pack.. Ack..

2006-12-29T04:37:00.000+08:00

My backpack and suitcase has NO more space. Goodness. How can there be NO space? I have only packed rather little things. Oh no. Must figure a way out. It's 4.39am and I'm still packing. Better get used to this.

Took my own sweet time to check the results today. Didn't feel like checking it because I screwed up my papers. But. God never fails to amaze. The results I saw was quite unbelievable considering that 30 plus marks were deducted after every post-mortem of the exam paper done by comparing against the notes. I am in awe God. I thought I did get Cs, but the lowest grade was B. I'm no straight A student, if I were, it'll be unfair to those who started mugging 2-3 weeks before the exams. I started really late this sem, to the point that I gave up on the later papers, cramming only the day before. So, I give a BIG thank you to God above, coz this sem's results are especially important to me as they make up my whole yr's grades. Grades from the exchange are not counted. So actually, it's pointless to score As in Georgia. Meaning that I can slack. Muahahaha.

Yea right. Think God will be happy if I slack? Definitely not. I will continue to work hard, but maybe He has other stuff for me to work on, not so much on the grade grinding? What matters is putting God first. The results are a good testimony. Though honestly, I haven't been putting God first as much as I'd like.

I am not leaving Yishun today, unless I really have to. Went out with some people for the past 2 days. Guess I'm more or less ready to leave, said my farewells. Please DON'T watch Borat. Yucck.. It's disappointing in my opinion, didn't laugh very much. There's a good reason why it is R21. I don't think I'm suited to watch R21 shows. Traumatised. Errrk.

Last day in Singapore. Sleepless in Singapore. Starring: Dawn and her faithful laptop (Hopefully it remains faithful in US and doesn't quit on Dawn)

Leaving again.

2006-12-26T00:48:00.000+08:00

I'm back from Taiwan! Thought I did blog a long post about Taiwan, but I don't have the time nor energy to do it. Maybe next time when I have more time on my hands. For now, I feel like blogging about my impending departure to US and here are the photos from Taiwan! I love that place man, love to go there in June after coming back from US. Haha. Managed to do the captions for some photos.

http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=383&l=b03ce&id=227800168
http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=382&l=dd45d&id=227800168

I'm starting to miss people even though I haven't left. It's kinda difficult to say goodbye. So, I haven't told some people that I'm leaving, lest they ask me too many questions. In case you I failed to tell you, I'm leaving coming Sat.

Been wondering what has God called me to do there, if I have been walking in His will and if going for this exchange is a mistake, becoz I must admit that at times things don't seem right. However, in general things are going well. I'm pretty hyped up about going, but I wonder if I'll get homesick and lost. Pray that He will give me the courage and to see things from His perspective. I'm going there to grow. Heh. Not that I won't grow in Singapore and Daniel had said at least twice that I'll be missing out on what's going to happen in Secell. And since I made my choice, I'll go and make the most out of it and bless the people.

I'll be attaching myself to a Jewish prof and he's been really nice to correspond with me via email even before I'm there. Staying with 2 americans and a fellow ntu mate in the same apartment and I just learnt how to cook porridge today! Bought sambal sauce to marinate fish also. Yummmmy.....

I just hope to meet as many people as I can before leaving. Time is running out... And I am determined to leave light-hearted, not in tears.

Taiwan!

2006-12-18T02:00:00.000+08:00

Leaving for Taiwan today. It's gonna be 4 days straight of pigging out and shopping! Whee!! Fun, fun ,fun :D

Absent.

2006-12-09T00:41:00.000+08:00

I'm at a loss of what to do because there just too many things to be done. I really have no idea where to start. Alright, I shall attempt to cook my first dish tomorrow. Ho hum, flip through the cook book and see what I conjure up from the frying pan. Hopefully dad and I will live through lunch that I'm so determined to prepare tomorrow.

Went to Glady's birthday party, she's leaving for Murdock next year to become a vet! I'm happy for her though, her dreams are coming true :) Half of my JC classmates turned up, mostly guys though. It's been 2 years since I last saw some of them and they haven't seem to have changed at all, especially the guys. Lol. Still the same old same old. Can't believe it's been this long since we've graduated from college.
I'm getting increasingly tired as the days pass. Wonder if things will get better after youth camp?

It's wonderful to spend the day home tomorrow. Help me to see things the way you want me to see them God.

Breath. A little.

2006-12-03T22:40:00.000+08:00

Muahahaha. The exams are finally O-V-E-R. Though I must say the last paper was quite disappointing. My fault this time, I couldn't reformat my brain anymore. Yes. I felt like a storage device during the exams. Erase and store, erase and store. Finally. My brain is blissfully empty.

I feel like a changed person after every sem. Maybe that's uni life or life in general when you are 20 and above. Or perhaps this is the time of your life when the most drastic changes take place. You become the care-giver instead of being cared for, I can foresee my future role and I'm already slowly sinking into it. The difficulty level is only going to go up and up and up.

Lots of things to be done, the holidays only bring about another kind of flurry. Especially during the Dec holidays.Youth camp. Friends. Shopping. Christmas. Taiwan. Impending departure. Farewells.

No time to breathe. Wish I could spend one idyllic day doing absolutely nothing. Those days are gone. Ha. So many things I want to do. Scrapping, baking ginger snaps, vivocity and more... Ok. Fine I still haven't gotten within 10 feet of that place. But I will.

Arghgh... Sick of studying.

2006-11-25T13:58:00.000+08:00

Went back to school to get my jabs and checkup done. Was jabbed 3 times... ouch. Paid $118 to get jabbed.. double ouch. Thank God no jabs on the butt. Haha. Hopefully, I won't need the chickenpox and hep B vaccines. The tetanus jab is a real powerful jab man, my muscle feels real sore now. Can only lift my right arm during worship tomorrow liao. I think the nurse was an expert in drawing blood and injections too, barely felt any pain, until after the jab.
Hate. injections.
Come to think of it I've had worse. Once I was hospitalized and was jabbed on the butt everyday while I was there and it wasn't a short hospital stay.
The past 2 weeks has been pure agonzing mugging, not much choice as there were some lectures I have not even read through before. This semester is even more packed than the last one, normally I would have at least read all them once before the exams. Sinking feeling in my gut... ... 2 more papers to go and both are evening papers. I always feel sleepy during evening papers, especially in the afternoon when I'm supposed to be revising before the paper. God help us all... Hopefully I won't do too badly, scared that I may get kicked out of the exchange programme if I do badly. Then all that money spent and pain I endured will go down the drain... Urgh. Please don't let it happen.
I have forgotten what Orchard Rd looks like. Haven't been there in ages... Feels like ages to me, though it's probably only about 1 month plus. Have no idea what vivocity looks like either, though I would really like to catch a movie there. By the time I'm done, I think the Dolous (this missionary ship that's 90 plus, 100? years old) would have sailed away, or already sailed away. Even my parents have been to vivocity. I am becoming a Mountain Tortoise. Sigh.

Where have I been???

2006-11-05T23:07:00.000+08:00

Haven't been updating for quite awhile, been dealing unsuccessfully with these things below...
Yup... The exams are round the corner... This time I am TOTALLY unprepared, thanks to Heesie and his jolly lab reports. No time to study!!! Gah. Seriously need the grace of God to study the right things as there are just too many irrelevant stuff in my notes. Haven't read all of them.*sweat* Normally by this time, I would have at least read them once. Please please please pray for me... ...Yup. Things have been happening at home also. Sigh.
Anyway, I had a weird dream. I dreamt I was boarding a flight. I entered the departure gate without checking in to get my air ticket and as a result I couldn't board the flight. The strangest thing was, I overloaded my hand carry luggage because I was carrying a heavy coat to Thailand. The flight attendant at the boarding gallery even volunteered to take the coat from me so I can board the plane and I adamantly said, "NO!" Coz the coat was ex. (Don't ask me how I know) Carrying a heavy coat to Thailand is insane enough already. And when they found that I did not have my boarding pass, they didn't allow me onboard. And I woke up while panicing I couldn't get onto the flight.

21 yrs and 2 days old.

2006-10-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

The 21st has came and passed without much hoo hah. Was too preoccupied to think about celebrating on the actual day, had a respite on Sat evening during the last dinner with Candice, Jac and Charlene. Hehe, actually coerced Candice and Jac into horror flick, Silk. Candice was hiding her face behind her handbag, she probably only watched 1/4 of the show. Sigh. Hahaha. Jac didn't find it too disturbing though. The chilli crab pasta at Creation is simply superb! I HAVE to eat it a few more times before leaving Sg. I MUST. Unfortunately I got no pics again. My camera was out of batt this time round.
Other than that, the whole weekend was spent in church. Starting from Friday evening. Feel kinda drained. I have resolved that I should stay back after school to study in the resource room and keep my weekends free in the event that something comes up... ... Anything can happen.
Won't say that nothing happened in church, but I rather not blog about it. The most striking thing that I've heard during service today was, " All battles belong to God. So are you on His side?" It's comforting to know that God is the one Who's fighting, not me, so I just have to try my best and stay on the right side of the fence. AKA studying when I should. One of the battles that I'll be facing will be the impending exams. However, there are battles which I wonder belong to God. I guess if they are not battles for me, then He will end the struggle by closing the door once and for all. This has happened several times, with alot of grief on my part.
Still struggling with thoughts and feelings everyday, I feel out of place easily, but I don't feel too bothered by it anymore. Coz, I'm not the only one that feels this way. I can be in room full of people, but I am alone. (Still happens.) Strangely, some people in the room are feeling the same way too, but refuse to tear down the walls they built around themselves and complain no one cares, no one bothers when they don't let others in. So, I can only say that I'm lonely because I choose to be. By putting on a stony face and looking as welcoming as an ice cube it's no wonder to be alone. I'm not saying that only smiley faces matter (but it sure helps), it's about being open. I'm not the most open book around, but I sure am trying.

I lost my 21st birthday dinner photos... sob!!

2006-10-17T21:22:00.000+08:00

Got a feeling you all are going to kill me or go, "Hai, wasted." My camera really self-deleted all the photos! Darn. Anyways, to sum up what I have lost in words.
Had dinner with Germ and Jas at Fish & Co. Took alot of silly photographs while waiting for Jas and a table. All gone. Sigh. Then they sabohed me and the video clip was lost. If you want to know what the saboh is go celebrate your birthday at Fish & Co to find out. Yupz. Not telling :p
Went for steamboat the next day with Na and Tengz. All lost. Boo Hoo. Was looking forward to uploading the pics. :(
Karen, OCX and Yingz got me a really useful gift. A web cam! Yea! Can video conference with people back home next year :D
Thanks for doting on me anyway you dear darlings, I feel like a princess! Hahahaha....

Ms Whiny Pok

2006-10-14T00:39:00.000+08:00

This week has been energy draining. I fall dead asleep the moment my head touches the pillow every single night. I feel sapped of all my energy and really have no clue where I spent all my time. Been a good girl and been staying home after school this week, so why am I so tired? hmmm? Perhaps it's because of the unmentionable mthly thingy. Perhaps it's because of piling, piling and piling amount of work to be cleared. I DON'T wanna do anything anymore. ARRRRRGH. Since I can't recall how or where I spent my time, maybe I've been abducted by aliens, coz it sure feels like it. Not that I've ever been abducted before. Zzzzzzz....... Ok. End of whining.
Let's see.. On Monday, I went out to watch a movie with germ. Some brainless, plotless flick that only requires you to chew on your knuckles and hide behind fingers when some character is going to be gruesomely murdered by the blood bathing countess of bathory. Heh. Yea.. The movie is called Staying alive. No lasting trauma though. Unlike some horror flicks that make your imagination run wild in the middle of the night, while you are in the loo, in the lift alone or whatever...
Helped Shalom with her stuff on Tues night. Her mum made luo han guo! Yay! Just what I really really really needed. Coz my throat was dying on me again. I wonder if I'll become mute one day?? I keep getting throat infections so often. It's not normal. :S And I finally went to the skin centre to rescue my skin. Ended up with antibiotics and creams. Hope they'll work.... Coz I can't take it anymore. Mum is driving me nuts by probing into my pimples. Yeow. Please please please go away, so that people will STOP staring at my face. Especially Mum. Argh.
My prof wanted to talk to me so that he could write me a testimonial for my application to GIP scholarship.. And so I went to his office. Anticipating difficult interview type questions. In the end, I think he talked more than I did. Hahaha...Had a really great time talking to him, never had a teacher who was willing to take time out to get to know me. We chatted for 2 hours and went for dinner. He gave me quite alot of advice and it's interesting to know more about the profs too. He's so grandfatherly :D I guess I'm really impressed that my prof being an acclaimed scientist is concerned about us little shrimps who are no where near to being a scientist. He's got tons of assignments to mark, research papers to edit and etc... But, he took time out to talk to me. Wow. I'm impressed. If I ever reach where he is, I'll remember to do that for someone else too.
Another cousin of mine is leaving Singapore to work in Michigan, somewhere in the US. Went for his farewell party and met up with the rest of the family. Cher, Nick, Ah ee!! I really miss the Tan family.
Everything's changing. Though I wish somethings didn't.

Not so big oooooh....

2006-10-08T15:25:00.000+08:00

The long awaited dinner finally happened yesterday, the JC clique finally reunited. Thanks to moi. Nah, thanks for squeezing time out although there's hardly time to come out, especially YL. NUS people are so much more busier than us. I know you all will hate me, coz I only have one so-called mid term paper which is all mcqs. But, I will have many more assignments to do and all of them are individual work. In a way, it's a good thing as individual work somehow means less hassle.
We went out for dinner at Big 'O'. Quite disappointing as the price was rather exorbitant for such small portions. Ah, what to do? Big 'O' is only famous for their cakes ba. I have learnt my lesson. At least the cakes weren't disappointing. :D

4 happy girls and 3 yummy cakes!

Found it funny (haha) that yl, wy and jx were trying so hard to pretend that they weren't choosing a bracelet for me. First, found it weird how come Yl suddenly wanted to buy a bracelet, then there was all that no so subtle whispering and evasive talking. Hahahaha. Still, I love the bracelet they got for me. It's so giraffee!! Hahahaha. And the card is identical to the birthday card my uni friends gave me on my 18th birthday. My friends all think alike. Heh heh. Funny funny.

Pressie from my dearies!
More pics @
http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=183&id=227800168&l=f2b86

It's all in this grey-jelly like thing we call a brain.

2006-10-07T01:08:00.000+08:00

Been trying to memorise this verse, " Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12: 1-2.

And as I was memorising, I wondered how could my mind be transformed?? I read this book, "Phantoms in the Brain". Apparently, it was found that people's minds could literally change, by some sort of unexplainable occurence. As stated in the book "seizures" or repeated electrical bursts that open "new" channels permanently. Due to these "new" pathways for the transmission of electrical impulses in the brain, it was found that spiritual people responded more to spiritually related words, pictures, etc.. And their response to sex and violence decreased. Strange huh?

It convinces me that God is truly the One at work to transform the way we think, feel, etc... Where else can these mysterious life-changing electrical sparks come from? Some things are just unexplainable.

It never rains but pours.

2006-09-30T22:10:00.000+08:00

It's rather sad that my 3 month old Zen player has spoilt. The FM radio has NO reception even when the player is in open field. Sigh. 2-3 weeks without my player, how am I gonna live without any music??!! Well, I could do without the FM radio, but why shortchange myself when I've got 1 yr warrenty, after all i bought the player over ipod because it has radio and voice recorder. So.. Yea..A little pain for a good cause.
But I am sad.... No music... :'(
Starting to look at winter clothes too. Took this picture in the winter clothes shop. Found it quite cute. Hehe. The hat can keep my ears warm.

Played host to Shalom's friends on Sunday, it was fun getting to know new people. Janice said that I look 15... Hahahaha. If only. Hope that they'll drop by again to visit soon. Oh well, school starts again. At least I've finished typing my CV by cutting, pasting and adding new information. Wonder what Bose will write about me... He's a really nice prof though, not all profs will write a testimonial for you.

We finally went for Nokia Starlight Cinema!! Was it romantic. Haha. But, the movie? Not. We went on horror night, the movie on Tuesday was Darkwater (English version). The ghost looked rather human in our opinion, not like the Jap movie ghosts. Some parts were rather scary, even though we were sitting in an open field. Hey! It was dark alright? Haha. Could hardly see what we were eating. Each of us contributed to the potluck. Ereen was the best! She got us pizza! Hahaha. Tim and Isaiah brought curry and sardine puffs respectively. There was kueh, samosas and more.. I got cheesy curry chicken and calamari from fish and chippy express, but by the time we started munching they were all soggy.. :( Not that nice anymore. Sharon came but she had to leave early though.

Out there in the field.
More photos @
http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=172&id=227800168&l=41e80

Other than that... I've been climbing the hill everyday to the office to settle my application to GT... Very good exercise. Not that I did want to in this horrible haze. Stepped out of amtech after ESL meeting today and I felt like I was in some fog infested place, but the fog smelt burnt of course and gave me a sore throat. Sigh.. What's going in Indonesia?! I wish they would stop burning trees. Can't wait for the smog to go away. Wonder if I'll leave before the smog or will the smog leave first? Hopefully, the 2nd option happens.

Big spender.

2006-09-29T00:33:00.000+08:00

So many things to do!!! Aaaaaah!!! But, I'm not accomplishing much. Blogging is one way to escape. :P
Went down to Chinatown to look for good travel deals to Hong Kong today with Gie and Yammie. After going to a couple of agencies in the same building the flat rate for HK is around 600++ .... Which is ex. So, we didn't book tickets for HK. Instead, we booked tickets for Taiwan! Which also amounted to 625. Oh man, I feel so guilty. Parents aren't exactly happy. Taiwan seems like a better deal as the hotel rooms are relatively cheaper and we get more value for money. Yea... Still... Ouch. Just went to Bangkok not very long ago... Probably spent close to 600 also... Yikes. Wonder how much I'll spend this time??? The main point of going there is to get some winter wear, which I maybe able to find in Taiwan in that season? Not forgetting that I still have to get tickets, that'll cost 2000+ to fly to Atlanta in Jan. Hai. Really. Broke. My 21st birthday is coming, anyone care to buy me an airticket? Hehe..
Still, I am very EXCITED to go to Taipei!!!! Hahahahahahahaha... Shilin here I come! Can't wait for Dec to come around. I'll be doing quite alot travelling for the next 1/4 of the year. So cool! Taiwan, US and Canada. Think my nightmare will come after my exchange, no more travelling until I settle down in a stable job. Which hopefully, by God's grace, be in a research lab. I sure can hope, can I?
Was sending an email to a prof just now, was wondering where my CV was and stumbled on some old personal statements I've written. Found them seriously cheesy. I'm comforted that my writing now is probably less chessy and more brief. No wonder Germ can't stand me sometimes, coz she hates cheese.
1 practical, 2 tutorials, 1 assignment and countless readings to do... Tell me where to start...

Maybe unattached and unwanted this Dec.

2006-09-24T21:40:00.000+08:00

Yet to be attached to a lab this Dec holidays, so all scientists out there, I'm up for grabs! I'll make your gels and run them, make buffers for free!!! In return for working experience in the lab and to catch a glimpse at your interesting experiments. Ok.. I really wish to go to the lab this Dec before school starts again.
Oh no. I can't really recall what I've been doing this week. This is how busy I am. Ok.. I went for dance and my classmates except for Boon all flew my aeroplane. Almost died doing the scissors...How I miss them.
On Friday, went for ESL and surprised Mel at the MRT station. Haha. OCX was funny, flapping out infront of Mel like that.. Haha.
Sat was Secell's 1st ML!! And we used the new church building in Amtech. It's nicely renovated, from an empty warehouse to 3 halls and 6 rooms. Much bigger than what we used to have.
Sun. Church and dinner with the family. We (Geraldine, Cheryl, Karen and me) trooped to Huijun's house for lunch after service. Her mum and aunt were very nice, very hospitable!! Quite embarrassed coz we went over at the last minute, however there was more than enough food! Huijun's house has a really nice view and her block of apartments isn't the run-of-the-mill HDB flats. Very different. Dad treated Uncle Steven for dinner at the Sze Chuan restaurant at Seletar Hills.. Really spicy... No complaints about the durian pudding though :D

In some kind of mood.

2006-09-19T22:04:00.000+08:00

This poem by James Fenton kinda appealed to me, this isn't my work (disclaimer!)

Nothing

I take a jewel from a junk shop tray,
And wish I had a love to buy it for.
Nothing I choose will make you turn my way,
Nothing I give you will make you love me more

I know that I’ve embarrassed you too long,
And I’m ashamed to linger at your door.
Whatever I embark on will be wrong,
Nothing I do will make you love me more.

I cannot work. I cannot read or write.
How can I frame a letter to implore.
Eloquence is a lie. The truth is trite,
Nothing I say will make you love me more.

So I replace the jewel in the junk shop tray
And laughingly pretend I’m far too poor.
Nothing I give, nothing I do or say,
Nothing I am will make you love me more.

Ok.. More stuff...
The Heart Of The Matter by Don Henley
I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined...
People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out,
I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
ForgivenessEven if, even if you don't love me anymore
There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
ForgivenessEven if, even if you don't love me anymore
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgivenessForgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

Stories, it's all there in the stories

2006-09-17T02:15:00.000+08:00

Graduated from Lindy 2! Haha. Apparently, Lindy 3 is going to be more of variation and improvisations that will largely depend on me, rather then being taught basic rigid steps. Sounds so artsy fartsy... But, that's how it is. Improvisation is definitely fun-ner considering that we already know the basics. Which also means I can choose not to go for lessons every week. At the moment, I think I still can go for lessons, but once October rolls by.... I can kiss lindy hop good bye. :'( Wonder if GT has lindy hop?
Finally watched Forbidden City on Friday, Jas bought the 2nd cheapest tics, which weren't cheap at all.... As expected, the stage was still kinda small...
Itsy bitsy props.
Couldn't see any of their faces on stage, was trying to spot my dance instructor on stage. I guess she was there, coz I heard her voice. I'm really happieee that I finally got to watch the musical, although I have the soundtrack, but watching it is a whole different story. I can really feel the emotions (anger, joy, despair, etc..) behind each song and piece the whole story together. Could kinda piece the story together by listening to the soundtrack, but there were a few missing parts, so watching the real thing gives it new meaning. The SSO was fantastic! It wouldn't have been as nice without them playing. Went over to Jazz @ South bridge after a dinner at Mc's... Yea. Mc's... Heh. Some expats were jamming and boy were they good! The saxaphone and bass took turns to play solo. They best part is.... thay played impromtu. So cool. Enjoyed listening to them play, definite ear candy.
And. I am still sick. My throat is dying. Went to the doc's, got more medicine today and turned up for Candice's Bday dinner. HAha. :p Was raining heavily today, instead of steamboat, it became buffet. Proceeded to chill at Giraffe's.. Been chilling out too much man... Which reminds me... What am I gonna do for my 21st??? I am a lazy pok.

Singapore Dreaming

2006-09-14T00:10:00.000+08:00

Courtesy of Jason Tay, we (Karen, Daniel, Phillip, Arjun, Isaiah, Matz and I) got free tics to attend the gala premier for the local movie, "Singapore Dreaming". Thought it was gonna be another Jack Neo-type kind of show. But, nope it was better than I expected. Guess because the producer wasn't Jack Neo this time round? Heheh. Woffles Woo (infamous plastic surgeon), Woo Yen Yen and Colin Goh. This proves that being a doctor doesn't stop you from doing other stuff also. I mean heck, I've got a rocker lecturer who jammed at the same club as U2.
Well.. Anyway, the plot was, pretty run-of-the-mill, about 5Cs... But, seriously what else is the general population interested in other than the 5Cs??? Perhaps this explains why our plots can only go this far. Kinda identified with 2 characters. (What to do? I'm a typical Singaporean wat. Maybe not exactly that general. ) The elder sister and the guy's girlfriend. I guess I'm the sort of person who will give up everything for someone she loves. Even if it means getting hurt in the end. I guess she had suspicions that her boyfriend was stringing her along, but I guess when you really love someone you just want to give the person your best. You choose to practice selective vision even if you know that person does you wrong. Anyways, I thank God that I haven't met anyone as horrible as that guy in the movie. Yep, that guy was really horrible to the point of cruelty.

Colin Goh, Woo Yen Yen & Woffles Woo @ the
end of the show.

Feeling weaker everyday

2006-09-09T00:31:00.000+08:00

It hasn't been an idyllic week. There's a mountain of work and I really don't know where to start this time. It's the 5th of week of school and I've yet to attend 1 plant lecture this sem. This is VERY bad. I did wake up in time, but felt that my day was going to be so long that I fell right back into bed again. Lately, I keep feeling that the day just goes on and on, activities keep lining up right one after another, there's never an end to anything.
I came down with fever on Tuesday night and the aches kept me up the whole night. Started hallucinating that I was in neurobio tute and the prof was asking me questions. Could remember the chim questions and how I couldn't answer them and how the prof was spewing out all the ans. Neurobio is making me neurotic. Keep missing the 8.30am lessons because I feel so tired.
It's only the 5th week!!!! I've never been this messed up in uni before. Guess it's a 3rd year thingy. I've been warned by my friends anyway, just couldn't imagine that things will be this bad.
Many people, events and circumstances bog me down. I feel pressured and tied down. Other than God, there doesn't seem to be anyplace or person that I really want to run to now. I can't seem to find solace anywhere. Being in school reminds me of certain things, being with certain people remind of other things... The best part is, I feel that I'm not close enough to Him. No time to talk to Him because I'm too busy doing other stuff.
Can't say the whole week was one big doozy. There were happier stuff too! Must say that Thursday was the best day, today isn't that bad too. Went for dance (love dancing) and met the snackies later to chill out at cozy canopy. Stocked with lotsa snacks for lects now! Haha And Matz gave each of us a personalized door hanger. Snackies rule!!!! Today because of the company and dinner :) Yummy toast.
I left the cashcard with 10++ dollars in the photocopier machine again. 2nd time this has happened.... Heartache...

Snackies @ Cozy Canopy

Can't tell the difference between night and day

2006-09-02T22:43:00.000+08:00

Woo. I've slept 8 hrs after coming back from cycling and I'm wide awake now. Feels as though I'm suffering from jet lag. It'll be cool f I could lay my hands on some melatonin now and the only way is to extract it from some other human brain. Hehehe.. Ok.. I sound mad.
Buttaches. Strangely, my legs aren't hurting.
I've been busy, busy, busy, busy...... Not even going for tuition tomorrow because I need to rest and settle my own work. Which I doubt can ever be finished, yet they must be. Really glad that Wy is willing to take over my classes, hope my kids won't scare her off. Though I will have less to spend.. I think it's worth it. I need to rest. Speculating with Candice and Angie if we could go to Hong Kong during the Christmas break, hopefully we will be able to get a job in the lab that will finance this little shopping getaway. Haven't really told mum about my intentions because I've just travelled to Bangkok like a month ago, don't think she'll be very pleased to know about me travelling again.
I guess my emotions are more settled now, but occasionally it goes off the kilter when I remember things or when unbidden thoughts float across. Despite everything, I miss the old days. Nobody can ever replace anybody I suppose. Feeling rather helpless over the internal struggle to forgive and forget versus hanging on to the hurt.
Last cell lunch tomorrow, Matz's cell is evolving. I really hope one day I can be as close to my cell members just as we've been as close.

2006-08-30T15:24:00.000+08:00

http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=89&l=06ed1&id=227800168

The link above leads to the photos taken during the field trip.

I'm so sleepy and completely full. Hahaha. I'm a big fat pig. Gained back all the weight I lost, I guess Bangkok and snacking in school really helped.
The field trip was a pretty mild trek up Bukit Timah hill, look at the pics to know what we were up to. Pictures can speak a thousand words. Saw things from the plant biologist's viewpoint and suddenly the nature reserve doesn't seem so boring anymore, if only my prof could speak louder. He's really soft spoken. Though he talked quite alot, I could only catch snatches of what he was saying. Kinda wasted.
Candice, Jac and I rewarded ourselves by going for a heavy lunch after the trek at Waffletown. Luuurve the waffles man, fresh waffles and whipped cream, so sinful. Guess I was half-asleep throughout the whole thing. Still got tutes to complete for tomorrow... *yawn*
Oh yea, I guess the fact that it's raining now after lunch isn't helping very much. Haha.