Fragile

Whatever I am going to post is just a random rambling produced by my overheated brain.
The world is full of lonely people and I admit that I am often part of this crowd. Can't be surrounded by people 24/7 and even if it were so, being in a crowd can be lonely too. So what do we do to keep these shadowy feelings at bay? We occupy ourselves with work, the companionship of other people, etc... But, somehow in some twisted way, we still feel lonely. I'm not saying that work and relationships are unimportant, but can they alone make the emptiness go away??
Tried burying myself in work to assuage these feelings and given no work to do, I'll probably get a mental breakdown. Then again, when I have work I procrastinate. (Which gives you a good idea of this crappy entry.) Studying for exams can be the most hermitical thing you can do. People are forced to isolate themselves, unless they can resist the temptation of chatting and get down to the serious business of studying. Can't go shopping, can't go watch movies, can't go do anything. I suppose this semester I've been less hermitical during this period of revision. Perhaps just more lazy.
At this moment, I don't feel that empty. I don't know if it's because there are many lonely people out there or because I know Someone loves me for being me. Sometimes, it gets a little confusing.
It's the exams and all my friends are busy mugging, most of them are not the type who can study in groups. So, that really puts a crimp on my social life. I could go back to school and look for my friends, but somehow I am too lazy to move my butt to Boon Lay. It is ridiculously far.... ... Companionship or no companionship, I can't make myself go all the way there.
Books for company and notes to talk to.

Counting the days to absolute freedom!!

I have finally tasted Royce chocolate coated potato chips and finished the entire box with a few other people. (Almost didn't want to share with anyone. Ha)
Exams are coming and somehow I am numbed to it. Yes, I feel the urgency to study, but somehow I'm not panicking as usual. I'm cool dude. Being cool about exams is a strange reaction from me. I guess I'm more obsessesed with how to remember all the info and answer the questions. I suppose now I can tell you all about malaria and tuberculosis now. Malaria is spreaded by FEMALE Anopheles mosquito and you can get infected with tuberculosis without showing any symptoms until the day you die. HAHAHAHA...... I can even tell you stuff at the molecular level. But let's not discuss anymore before I drive you poor readers nuts.
Had my 1st French oral. I sounded like... J'aime---beaucoup--- la natation--- I practically spoke word by word, no intonation whatsoever. The examiner seemed pretty pleased with us though... ... She kept going, "Tres bien!" Alor, it's a good thing after all. Je ne suis pas libre, parce que j'ai etudie pour les examens. My French is Fried. (Sorry abt the lame pun, I couldn't resist.)
Hope to go on a short getaway. Somewhere idle.. With lotsa sand, salt water and breezy coconut trees. I should just go to sleep now.

Time doesn't wait.

So little time, so many chapters... I wonder if it's humanly possible to cram everything within 2 weeks or less... ... Make that 1 and a half thick textbooks and piles of paper. If only my brain worked like my stomach. Then I'll probably get diarrhoea.
Weekend was pretty good, caught a movie, had high tea and went out to study with Wy.I really love eating wee tiny cakes!! They look so cute :D Kind of regret not taking photos of them. Had fun studying with Wy, I love her camera phone!! The pictures are so much sharper and of course make us look much better. Haha.









Sleeping at Bk?? Check out the messy hair.











Me and Wy. Stuff we do when we get bored of studying. Looking gd :)














One word: toothy.
Kind of tired today. Insufficient sleep. My fault.
Met up with Jas and Jun on Friday for steamboat. I was glad that we still could have such a good time going out despite being so dislocated from each others lives. I really enjoyed cooking squid for my "mums". Hahaha. Remembered what Yl said about friends. It's wonderful that we still can meet up, but when we don't due to circumstances will the friendship just die? I suppose it depends. Depends on the circumstance and how we feel towards each other. In the case of Jas, I will always remember her as one of my greatest pals and her sense of sarcastic humour that never fails to throw me into laughing fits. Hope we really will go kayaking after my exams.
To be friends, both must agree to being friends.

Happy Birthday to me!!

Turned 20 yesterday and I would like to thank all my dearests for wishing me, "Happy Birthday!"

Day 1 of feasting
Met Na and Teng on Monday and we ate at Lemongrass, after which we walked around awhile for the food to go down.

Day 2 of feasting
Had a sumptious lunch in school with Wy, mixed grill.
Ate at NYDC with Yingz. Was bloated at the end of dinner.A surprise was planned at the end of dinner. I am so blur!!! (Or greedy?) I was too busy admiring the cakes at secret recipe to notice Karen behind me and OCX hiding behind his backpack!!! Hahaha... They treated me to delicious chocolate cakes and finished it with everyone's help.*Yum!*

Day3 of festing (The day itself)
Lost count of the happy birthdays sung in one day :p
Went to Fish & Co with corrinne, charlene, candice and jac. 2 seafod platters for 2 almost killed all of us.

This is one birthday whereby I've eaten the most!!! And I've still got more to eat today and tomorrow... Not to mention that I'll be pretty broke by next week. Well, once a year! I don't get to feast like that all the time. Food is one of the greatest joys on Earth :p

Because I am your friend...

I try to listen to every word you say
Stand by your side even in the pouring rain
Know you like the back of my hand
We shared our joy and pain

Every year, I know you better
Sometimes marveling at the change
Made some mistakes
Argued a little
But I know at the end of the day,
my cares for you will remain

Wondered sometimes
if anyone felt the same.
You were there
before I even called for help
You knew me so well.

When I lost hope, You were there.

Whee! The past few days have passed like the whirlwind. Things have been happening, some not so pleasant ones like losing my stuff due to my scatterbrains. But almost all of the not so plesant things pale in comparison to.... the reply the exchange programmme office gave me. They finally replied, when I've lost all hope (as you can see from my previous entries), to say that my school recommended me to go to.... .....












Georgia Tech in Atlanta!!!!!!!!!!
He gave me more than I expected. Here's a virtual tour of the campus and you'll know what I mean when I feel so blessed... http://www.gatech.edu/vtour
I didn't know anything about this place before I went to the website and it wasn't my 1st choice, but this place is just as awesome! Thank you sooo much God!!!!! And the dear people who were there to listen to me grumble.. Now, you'll hear less grumbling. Hahahahaha..

It's time.

Schoolwork has been getting increasingly tougher. French is becoming an unmanageable mess... Qu'est-ce que tu faire Dawn?? Help... Wonder if the examiner will laugh to death when he/she hears me speak? It's confirmed that we'll have oral and a test. It's unfair that the previous batch who took French didn't have so many tests!!Many projects and readings to complete too. ARgh. All the tests will be on my day. Wonderful! Whee! I'll probably do well since it's my birthday. (What kind of skewed logic is that?!)

Sorry ma cherie (if you read this). I am not selected for the exchange programme. :'( I am not informed about anything. I'll try again next semester and this time I'll be SERIOUS.

There's no school this Friday!! Yea yea yea!!! I wanna go watch corpse bride. Fine, I like morbid looking animations. In general, I like animations. Big (old?) kid at heart.

Go Dawn go! You need to start mugging. Dean's list? (Yea right. It's for egg-heads with straight As and I'm not eggy enough, like my friends.) Muahahaha.
Darn. Micheal Buble's concert was yesterday... And I didn't get to go again. I'm too poor to buy the tickets. (nothing new) I'll happy even to get seats right at the back. I feel like the Little Match girl? No. Cinderella? No. Know any other fairytale that characters live in poverty? Doesn't matter, I'll never belong in a fairytale. Nondescript.

Premature Bday Celebrations

Shirley and Me

The night falls. Pops caught this funny looking shot.

Feels weird that I celebrated my birthday today. The big day is still 11 days away I think. And if I'm not wrong I'll have 2 tests on that day. What a wonderful birthday. *sarcasm* Enjoyed eating at Al Dente Trattoria, pop's treat. The meal really burnt a big hole in his wallet :p The steak was Mmmm delicious really tender caused you cooked it yourself on the hot stone. Really fresh steak, not like the kind whereby you fight with until it flies onto another person's plate.

Blogspot down.

I'm blogging from photobucket. Somehow, blogspot doesn't open properly and I can't type anything since there's no box. Ah well, went for cell lunch at Carl's junior today. SUper Huge servings. I'm glad that I shared with Sharon because to finish a meal all by yourself is a feat. Still, the rest of my wonderful cell peeps managed! Haha. Drinks are refillable... Makes me full to think about it. Celebrated Matz and Joel's birthday, albeit there was some confusion. I am really sorry that I couldn't get Matz' present in time... ... :(

Catch phrase of the day: Crippled prawn. (Lame sia) *Doinks* I didn't come up with this. Believe me.

Went shopping yesterday, allowing retail therapy to do its wonders. It feels so good to be able to go shopping for once. To have the money and afford to buy the things you want. :D

Haven't been in the state of mind to type long entries.. Hope this entry is enough.

 

Take a break. Pay attention to God.

I can hear a mother screaming at her child from the next block. She's loud! Or maybe I have good hearing. It's irritating... Pity, even the radio can't drown out her voice. I suppose this is happening in my mind too. I keep tuning into thoughts that I want to drown out. I have many many many things to do, many many many people to talk to, but all I can think about is what I refuse to think about. Somethings that I heard got stuck in my brain and I don't know how to get them out. I doubt I can get them out by myself.
Have to remember that only one thing matters. G-O-D.
I thank god that I have other things to keep me busy, I cannot imagine what will happen if I'm left to my own devices. Drowning myself in work again. Escapism?

Normalcy

We have just finished the 6th CLEAR session. I have just been notified by our camp IC this year, Dan, that I'll be one of the group leaders this year along with Gail and Cyrus. I really don't know if I'm up to this. Ah hahaha.... And I know before I know it I'll be at camp doing the unthinkable. I'm both excited and scared. Excited because it's going to be different! Perhaps more scared than excited though. Some of the fears that I have are... I can't relate to the younger ones, I have never been a group leader nor assistant group leader in a camp before. I feel that camp leaders need to be spontaneous and currently I don't feel very spontaneous... Due to some personal stuff. Hope that the dark clouds would have blown over by then. If not.. Hai. Life goes on and I'll still have to do my job as a group leader.
As for CLEAR... I still can't really see myself as true blue, full fledged cell leader. Then again God works in mysterious ways. I'm sure He'll provide me with the experience, maturity and other misc skills that I'll need to cope with being a cell leader.
Been a good girl. Doing very little work at home. Currently, I have to play "musical chairs" for this project. I have to pick a paper on a first come first serve basis and I have to pick the right paper. Better still, I can't change my mind after submitting my choice. Hope no one will pick the paper that I'm going to pick. Stress ah! If only the prof will let us do the same paper, then it won't be so stressful... And because everyone is doing a different paper, we can't discuss!!! This is such a tragedy. *Rolls eyes*

Overflowing

Frustrated with myself. Felt that I wasn't putting in my best for today's paper. My mind wasn't there. But, after handing up the paper, I regretted that I allowed myself to be distracted. It jolted me out of my thoughts. I need to put my heart back into my school work. My heart hasn't really been in it eversince the beginning of the semester. All I think about is the holidays... ... Anyway, it's over. I don't have the energy to mope over it.
Sometimes I feel limited or get drained very easily. Some people are able to stay cheery most of the time, why can't I be like that?? To me, I feel that there's no point in pretending to be happy when I'm not. But, I know I want to walk with a bounce in my step, being contented with I have. I just know that I have to trust God for that and change my attitude towards situations. Frankly, I feel tired of being mopey and looking as if the world owes me something. No matter what happens, I will recover from it and find my joy in God. Because He never fails.

MAF.. What moon?

Went to celebrate MAF at Lydia's place yesterday with SETT people. I was clueless that we were going to her place to celebrate, last minute surprise. Lydia was really kind to provide us with umlimited food and drinks. There was too much food that snacks we brought there were unopened. Really love the baked cuttlefish strips!! Yummy. Then we went to the nearby playground and razed it to the ground. Nah. Hogwash. We merely dripped wax all over it and waxed some leaves and insects. MAF seems to bring out a sadistic nature in all of us. Burn baby burn! Didn't really get to see any moon though. Loved the lantern my group made. Jon can really come up with gd storylines to explain the theme of our lantern. I am impressed. Haha.

Taking my mind off a few matters... Irritated with myself. 连我也觉得自己好烦。

Waiting.

I'm waiting for answers. I keep asking questions. Helplessness.

My one week break's ending. Not looking forward to going back to school... ... *Deep breaths*

Be with me.

Went out the entire day today, haven't been very productive since Saturday. Have to start getting off my butt and DO something!
Went to Kbox with Wy, had mucho fun. Discovered that I have a talent for singing Chinese opera. Haha. We kept singing yuan dian until we could get it right, meaning not going too off-key and singing in time with the music. Haha. Finally got it right after the 5th time? Hahaha. Haven't sang like this for a long time. Then we tried to get some work done, but ended up yakking and catching up as we haven't met for a very very long time. Since someone is busy dating. :p And somehow, when I'm free she isn't and when she isn't I am. So there, we finally met up.
Met my uni family to celebrate Candice's birthday. Watched Be with me.

It's much better than I expected it to be. It talks about love and loss. I really admire Theresa, the protagonist in the movie and also in reality for her courage and trust in God. Imagine being shut away from the world around you. Can't see nor hear. Living alone. Losing the chance to have someone who loves you because he passes away.
Then there's also the Fat Man. Your uneducated kind soul who just wants to express his feelings for the woman of his dreams. Though I really think he was scary stalking her like that, he seems happy and watching her from a distance. The only time you see him losing his temper is when he fails to express himself because he cannot find the words. And the stuff he binges on... Makes me want to swear off stewed pork for now. I get the vibe that the scriptwriter feels that it would be kinder to end Fat man's life.
Sam and Jackie. The lesbian couple. Betrayal, loss and suicide. Got to be cruel sometimes to be kind? It is painful to see how people can let you down in the worse way.
Lastly, the father who struggles to get out of depression after the death of his wife and he finds a model in Theresa.

Anyway back to me. I wish things could be simpler or that I would stop complicating things for myself. I don't know if I am right or wrong. I don't want to become bitter.

Emotionally drained

For once I'm feeling deflated.
Like a sad balloon. Burnt out. Don't even feel angry.
Hurt. Confused. Broken. But I have to face the world.

One week break.

It's nothing new that I've been busy for the whole of last week. Completing reports, assignments, tutorials and giving tuition. I am too exhausted to blog! Anyway, the coming week of break is only good for catching up with my readings and studying for the test I have on the 1st day of school. Which I promise to finish. Haven't been studying much for the past 2 weeks. Hope my grades will not suffer. Sleep hasn't been wonderful either, find myself being unable to sleep for more than 8 hours... ... Terrible.
Had a false alarm that GIP results were out, because so far I've only heard the mass comm people getting accepted. Emailed the office to make sure that they hadn't forgotten about my application and lo and behold they said the results will be out next week. I really really really realllllllllllly hope I can go. A few personal reasons and the main reason being that I really want to see what kind of research they get up to in the labs of washington uni. Definitely on a much larger scale than what they have in NTU.
Feel sorry for kids who have started mugging at such a tender age...Due to parents who keep forcing their children to go for additional tuition classes. Seriously think that children should be allowed to take a break, instead of studying everyday for the hols. It's not healthy and doesn't really aid in absorption when their minds are elsewhere.
Took a break yesterday, met Germ to watch The Maid, ate gelato at venezia and went to this super sleazy pub, lounge? We didn't do much, just shared a glass of red wine. Still wondering how come we ended up there... ... I know the last place visited sounds very O-U-T.

I'm back, but for how long??

Haven't been blogging, haven't been on msn. Eversince my last entry I've only been coming on-line to download my notes, homework or do research on that $%$%*&*!! stem cell paper. Had a test today and I left the lecture theatre feeling really stupid. I could answer the questions. I KNOW how to do the questions and I lost 17 marks. Why? Because I couldn't keep my cool. I started panicking because I kept looking at the time. I hate myself. Feel like a big dumb dumb. Hope I still can pass, this test has 15% weightage...
Been waking up super early for the week due to some changes in the timetable. I can actually wake up automatically with out the help of the alarm clock now, an obvious sign of stress. I must remain sane, I must keep my cool. *chants*
It's Teacher's day today, didn't get to go back anywhere because of a full day in school. Taking a break from studying and doing work, haven't exactly been relaxing. Maybe the most relaxing thing I did thus far was to go to California Fitness Club to exercise. Free membership for 1 month! Whee. All thanks to Sheena. They have free lessons street jazz dancing, yoga, etc.. And not forgetting the sauna and spa. Must go there before my pass expires. Felt like a mountain tortoise there, we were ooh and aahing over the facilities or maybe it was just me :p Schwinn cycling next time! It burns 300 calories in 30 minutes.
Caught a movie last Sunday too. It's probably the most violent and profane "art film" I ever watched: Perth. Mere words cannot describe how disturbed I am after watching the show. It was the first time I ever watched a man pummel a woman. Usually the farthest extent would be slaps and shoves, but really pummeling the woman? What kind of "man" is that? Realised that I am pretty numbed to violence, maybe it's because of all the bloody arcade and computer games I've played. House of the dead, etc... Not forgetting that blood and gore doesn't faze me. Closet sadist.
Hanging in there till the 1 week break comes in 2 weeks' time. Feeling sore about my stupidity :'(

Bring it on!!!

I am officially buried under the amount of work I have. I don't know where to start!! Currently, I am slacking off from my tutorial to blog. Haha. This semester's work is becoming so alien. Not helping that I took French. Anyway, just finished French dictation today. They were all short questions. Eg: Tu connais un homme politique? Oui, je connais LKY.
Dawn est jolie! Oui? Haha. Just agree with that sentence. :p Feel so thick skinned.
Trying hard to balance my time, when I feel stressed all I feel like doing is anything but work or work related. I am so sick of looking at cells and receptors on them. Like I care. *plbbt* Unfortunately, we all know that it is not true. I truly care about our darling cells that coexist together to give us a wonderful, functional body. Sigh...
I think I should stop slacking and go back to staring at the notes and killing more of my brain cells to answer the tute questions. I tried so hard and got so far, nothing matters anymore. HAHAHAHA.

God's will.

Is a pretty distressing subject to me. Why? I'm not sure if what I heard is really God's voice or my background noise of my desires covering His voice. Lately, it has been quite clear that I should wait upon the Lord and have faith that His will works for the good for those who love Him. There so many issues around me and in my life that require so much trust in God that He will set everything right. Life seems so unfair.
There also things that I need to be honest about and set things right once and for all. No matter how painful it maybe to settle it. I have to learn to love unselfishly. Though it may make me unhappy, it will make someone else happier. I want to bring joy into people's lives, but many times I find myself hindered by my fears. Fear of not being the kind of person they want to interact with, fear of being rejected and many more... My fears are so irrelevant, but they real too.
Today is Ruffy's bath day (my dog) and I'm on duty. Sigh... Hate bathing that doggie of mine.. Wet dogs are best not provoked.

Swollen and painful.

Seen the doctor on Sunday evening, supposed to be fine by now, but no. Apparently, I have some allergy to the antiboitics. Took 3 days for it to take effect--Swollen and painful lips. Just feel like tearing my entire mouth and throat out if it stops the pain. Had 6 solid hours of French tutorials this week, but I still can't really speak to save myself. Haha.
Speaking of which, I went for my interview today. I felt it was bad... I thought I was prepared, but they asked me questions that caught me off my guard.
Prof T (he's french) : Why should the university give you a loan to go?
Me: (Thinks abit) It will be an enriching experience, let me have a more well-rounded education and allow me more insight to the university's 5 Nobel prize laureates.
AHHH... Sound so lame... That more or less sums up the entire interview. Experience how lessons are taught overseas and to see what they have establish over there that makes them so famous... Doinks. Major decrease in self-confidence. Must have confidence in God.
I should've impressed Prof T with my lousy French. Nah, I think he'll be more depressed than impressed after hearing me say, " Je parle francaise ample."
Don't want to think, don't want to think. Thoughts running amok.

Backaches and Fever

Feeling sick now.. Having fever. Having visitors over at my house now and I feel really bad that I can't talk to them. Feel like I'm burning up inside. I suppose I'll offer the little girl my sweets. :p I don't feel sleepy, but just want to rest my achy bones. I don't understand why I'm sick... ... Pray that I'll be better after a good sleep tonight. Lots to handle tomorrow.

The world is my classroom..

I am really happieee!!! * Jumps up to hug her mother* Got called up for an interview for Global Immersion Program. I hope I don't screw things up... Really hope I get to go! Applied for it since last month and the wait for them to call me up was almost unbearable. Felt like I was sitting on eggs. I chose to go to US, India, Switzerland and France (actually, that's all the countries they offered). Hopefully, I'll get to go to University of Washington, in Seattle. Clasp my hands together and pray fervently. Reason for wanting to go on exchange is to see the world out of Asia or at least experience a radically different culture. I feel that KL, Taiwan, Hong Kong is still not as unfamiliar as India, France or Switzerland. Somehow, I feel that I won't be too shocked by the people in the States. With all the American sitcoms and shows they screen here. However, I have never really interacted with Americans up close and personal. So yea, I guess I'll still be in for a culture shock. I suppose it's the kind of shock that I welcome. Please oh please oh please, let me get throught the stringent interview... ... Have to, no, MUST focus on impressing the interviwers.
Next Thursday, 9.45am. Wish me all the best! *inhales and exhales*

Still warming up... & Bon fete nationales!

It's already the 3rd week and I still cannot adapt to the mountian of readings that I have to complete. Not forgetting the assignments.. Headache. Been getting slight dizzy spells, probably due to the lack of exercise? Feel that my heart pumps harder and faster than it used to. Don't know what's wrong. Serves me right.
Watched Charlie and Chocolate Factory, the chocolate lake with its waterfall reminded me of, strangely, Milo. I'm sure many people have read the book before, but I have never read this particular book by Roald Dahl. I quite like Witches and Matilda. Liked the movie for its fantasy, the accurate portrayal of super spoilt brats and Willy Wonka's sarcastic wit. But, song and dance after each kid disappeared was redundant, it's too much. The song lyrics were pretty silly, but I like! Felt it was rather inventive. Haha. I think the guy who acted as the "what-do-you-call-it?" (small dwarf-like men) should have been paid alot, he was practically present in every scene. The best musical-movie I watched by far is Moulin Rouge, really wanted to watch Chicago though. Watched it with Leb, he didn't like it. He felt it was too absurd and silly, whereas I liked it for it's silliness. It helped regain a little of my child-like wonderment. Ah well, each to their own. *plbbt- sticks tongue out* But, it's a bummer to pay so much for a show you didn't enjoy. So, yea, I understand.
Stuck at home today, trying to complete my readings... *yawn*The family has disappeared since this morning. Sometimes, it feels as if I live alone. When I'm around, nobody is. When I'm not, someone will be at home. I suppose I'm used to being alone. Everybody's off to their own activities. Dad's at IKEA and mum's at my aunt's place. I have no idea why Dad's at IKEA all by himself, I never trusted his taste in things. Hope he doesn't buy something ugly back. :p Happy to be alone at home, getting some peace and quiet with my textbooks, notes and dog. All that is missing is cold weather, a fireplace, a rocking chair and some hot cocoa.

Procastination maketh an ass out of me.

Getting really frustrated by the subject combination for applying to INSTEP( Don't ask me what it means, it's the acronym for the exchange program). Couldn't find matching modules to take. May not be applying for INSTEP after all because the deadline is so near and I have not prepared anything. Apply next semester? Think it'll be better that way. Wanted to go pester Julian Lescar for help, but realised that I don't even know how to ask him which area I need help in. Having to balance schoolwork with the lengthy application is not helping at all.
With the start of this semester, it's back to the delicate balance of having a life and clearing my work. Feeling suffocated already. Shall not procrastinate. MUST clear work! Won't say that school has been boring, on the contrary I've been too busy to be bored. Alright, I almost fell asleep for a few lectures. But, a student's got to do what a student got to do righto? My primary duty is to keep awake during lectures. Yawn...
Quote of the day: Short is pretty. ( Not quoted by me.) Yes, No?
Rubbish. Haha.
Played with bacteria during lab and managed to get out of the lab with no purple or red stains. Klutzy me did not upset any dye to tie-dye my lab coat. Come to think of it, it's actually quite cool to have a purple or pink lab coat, no? Argh... Lab report. Wish it would write itself.

What will I give to be in a better situation?

The reason why I enjoy watching movies so much is because they transport me into an ideal world where the good guys triumph and the bad guys lose. Where losers end up winning. Whereby my troubles suddenly seem insignificant compared to the crisis the faced in the plot. I've just watched The Island and Wedding Crashers this week. Both were good.
The Island was thought provoking, delving into the ethics of cloning. Although the movie was highly far from reality, but the essence of it is real. We can clone humans, just that we are not so adept at it yet. Yes, yet. Sacrificing one human to save another's life. How ethical is that? Isn't it tantamount to murder?
Wedding Crashers was crude... Had alot of dirty humour, dealing with certain parts of the anatomy. However, it was still funny. I just didn't find extreme ( I mean seriously extreme) dirty jokes funny, I can only say they were gross! Jx won tickets to the movie, she's always winning movie tickets and I benefit as her friend! Free movies! Haha.
Enough with self-delusion. In reality, I feel tired. Things have been happening this week, bad things. Received a not very pleasant e-mail, that caused me to feel guilty. Because, it was indeed my fault. It proved that I am not such a trustworthy person after all, I didn't do anything when things were still within my control. Secondly, there's imminent trouble approaching. Rest will be going to sleep and never waking up, dreaming a pleasant dream. Weary of life at 20? This is abit too soon, isn't it?

School is in full swing!

I had my first full day. Meaning with tutorials and lab starting this week. I got lab tomorrow, which means I have to crawl out of bed at 6.30am... Who in the right mind gets up this early?? I have became lazier upon graduation from NJ. Almost felt like dozing off at the last lecture I had for the day, as a result I didn't catch somethings that the lecturer was saying. It all sounded like droning to me. Only the textbook can save me now. Independent learning does pay off, especially if you can't catch everything during lectures. I wonder if it's useful to record down lectures on tape? Can listen to them if I get insomnia again. Haha. Oh well.. Worth a try. Sick of going, "Huh? What did he say? Did you all catch anything?" Well, we're all comatose. The deaf leading the deaf.
I have kind of given up on eating lunch in NTU. Just asked Jac to help me buy sandwiches to eat at school. They opened up a cafe at my school alright, but which student can afford to eat there on a daily basis? Might as well don't even open it, since the food is expensive and not tasty either. Open another canteen!!! Besides that, I've been immersed in the world of nerves, bacteria and biostatistics. 3 months of vacation is simply not done.

Still alive.

Had fun at French tutorial. French 101: Je (jeeer) m'appelle (mapal) Dawn. Je (jeeer) suis (sui) Singapourenne (Singa-poo-yearn). Try asking me next time when you meet me if have difficulty pronouncing, I'm laughing myself silly trying to pronounce already. It's difficult, but fun. Don't even get started on the conjugates... *faint*
Anyway, I'm a horrible person? I just wonder when some of my friends upset me when I don't deserve such ill-treatment. Don't be mistakened I've got great friends, but I suppose I am in such a state because it's somehow my own fault. Just want to say that I'm not omnipotent, but I try my best to be a good friend. It's just so difficult to not expect anything in return. I'm starting to think it's impossible.

3 day week and a fantastic timetable! Whee!

School has officially started, but not my labs and tutorials. Which explains why I don't have to attend school today and tomorrow!! Hahaha. But, I still have tutorials to complete... :'( At least no lab reports to write yet. Still, I have a 11page reading to do about stem cells and answer the questions given. The article is definitely not reader friendly. I can't even understand the overview!! I can't understand what they did to the poor lab mice. It's written in an unfathomable language. Argh. Have about 4 weeks to finish it... Help.
Spent all morning trying to log in to STARS. Finally got through at 2pm, after 4 hours of not-stop trying. I really thank God for the current timetable. It's great! I'm taking French... Wonder if it will be easier to understand than the article that I have to read. Lessons are nicely packed with no large empty breaks. So, I can end school at 4.30 to 5.30pm. It's pretty good :D
Welcome back to the grind. *sweats*

Horrible Timetable... ...

Actually, my timetable was pretty good. Until they didn't give me the GE I wanted. Now, I have 2 days that end at 7.30pm... One of them has a 5 hours break in between. What am I going to do?? Yeah, I can do my work. But, I absolutely detest having to wait that long! 5 whole hours. It's ridiculous. Should I drop it? Then again, I heard that next semester things will get worse. Which is not a good time to pick up a GE. Really at a loss.

Headache...

New sunglasses...

I have a headache after speed marking the worksheets. Ouch. Treated myself to a delicious chocolate cupcake from toast after work today hoping that it will alleviate the irritating headache...
Met mum in Orchard after work, since she wanted to get out of Yishun so desperately. Window shopped while waiting for her, did not find anything that fit. Yikes. What do you think of my sunglasses? Haha. My mum thinks that they are cool. I just think that they look funny on me.

Topography

Promised to play tour guide today and I did, didn't get to shop with Wy after all. She suddenly had to go to Malaysia with her family. Met Jh and we went in search for the tutorial rooms and lecture theatres. In return, he treated me to lunch :) Before we left NTU, we dropped by my previous Hall. Charlene, Corinne and Candice ( 3 Cs) were there today because of the freshmen Hall camp, but didn't see Jac. Haven't seen Jac for the whole holiday... ... Didn't go for camp last year and strangely I have no regrets. I am very happy to have befriended the 3 Cs and Jac.
Finally took a photo with my roomie. :) Hope to post them up soon.
Felt pretty detached today, because I was some sort of distracted. Don't know if I'm overreacting.

A small hiccup.

I am not sure what subjects I'm registered for. Uh oh. I know what core subjects are registered, but I'm clueless about the GE and PE. I applied for 2 GEs and 1 PE. Don't know which one I got, because the system doesn't show it. I'm in suspense. Honestly, I really don't know if I should just take French for the sake of going to Switzerland. I think not.. I can't force myself to learn French that quickly in 6 months and lessons are conducted in French... ... So, I really will die if I go there. Choir, Malay, Forensic Science. Which one did I get?
School's reopening. Playing tour guide for a friend tomorrow. Hopefully I haven't forgotten how to get around school. Haha. 3 months is long, feel strange going back to school.
Finished reading HBP yesterday, really didn't like the ending. But, I suppose the death and departure of those close to Harry Potter marks the slow transition of Harry's maturity and independence. Sort of reflects reality doesn't it? As we grow older, the people around us come and go. There are some people whom you did like to stay with forever, but there's no such thing as forever. A lifetime perhaps. I wonder what will happen to Draco Malfoy?? Will he turn to the light side? I love misunderstood villians!! Muahahaha.

Rejected again.

Although it is not possible to study Medicine anymore, miracles can happen. However, miracles are not happening. I got rejected by UWA saying that my ISAT scores weren't good enough.. What rubbish.. I scored 100% in one section and close 90% in the other. Which is already higher than the average Tom, Dick or Harry. What's not yours will not be yours. Even with the grades, I don't have the $$. I am licked God. I know it is somewhere that You seriously don't want me to go. Then where?? I really don't know anymore. Shall I just shut myself away in some god-forsaken research lab? Ok, who knows I may discover some cure.
Then You make in me charge of so many things involving MONEY. I always do something MONEY- related. Makes me start wondering why I didn't take accountancy. That word just evokes so much emotion in my family. Just that mere word mentioned, and arguments, cold wars and fights can start in this household. Yes, this is the kind of family I live in. We aren't money-minded people, but circumstances have forced us to be mercenary and calculative. I just HATE that word. I don't believe that MONEY is evil, but it's the attitude we have towards it. You know what? Maybe I don't care anymore. I save what I can and spend on what I must or should.
Have yet to collect my Harry Potter... Sigh. Will do it first thing in the morning tomorrow!!

Chick Flicks and Chicks.

Argh.. I think I am turning girly-girl. Well, went over to Leng's for to watch Sisterhood Of The Travelling Pants and 13 going on 30. 2 chick flicks in a day is enough to melt my brain. Well, such movies just have a tendency to make you turn into mush and encourage wishful thinking? Haha. Moral of the stories (yes, plural): There's always a guy waiting for you at the end of the rainbow. Well, Sisterhood was interesting it also deals with family and life. 12 year old girl who died of Leukemia and a broken family. So, it wasn't all brainless romance... Oh well, I don't watch chick flicks all the time anyway. Watching them all the time will kill me. No massive doses please. Hung aroung Leng's place surfed the Net together, looked at some ridiculous flashmovies... ... Some of which were too lame for me to understand.
Met Na and Rx at Sembawang to go to Teng's. We ordered pizza!!! Yummy :) Basically an all girl's night-in. Watched TV while wolfing down the food and yakking all at the same time. Proof that girls can multi-task. Really had fun just talking rubbish, serious stuff and commenting about the TV shows. Mostly, girly-stuff. But, it was fun!! Must have more of such dinners :)
Well... Sometimes I hate being female. Some biological reasons.

Rainy Sunday and Departure Monday

Went blading with Teng and Rx on Sunday. It was definitely not our day... Some bird decided to pass motion on my haversack. The bus that was supposed to go to East Coast got diverted to another bus stop that could not be located. So, we spent half an hour waiting for the non-existent bus. The worse of all, was the sudden downpour only after we rented our blades. It stopped for awhile for us to blade and suddenly poured again. Left us all drenched. However, it was fun!! We bladed on the cyclist's path and realised how different it was from skating in the rink. We fell and had a good laugh at what happened. We also saw a rainbow bubble sitting on a cloud.








Sent both Mel and Cheryl off yesterday. Will miss the both of them. Everyone seems to be going Australia.. Rx will be leaving this Friday. Hope that school will be enjoyable :) I really hope that one day I'll have a chance to go overseas for a studying stint too. Instead of staying for a few days in a foreign country as a tourist, it will be really fun to actually live there long enough to really discover the country instead of just seeing the superficial side of the country. Maybe that might make me love Singapore even more.

Love-Ly Drama Queen

I don't know why I should be so upset over small things. Maybe I am not upset over the thing, but the people involved in it. Relax silly goose. Nothing really matters, since everything is out of my control. Everything's in His hands. Do I sound resigned? I could be. Feel that my best is never good enough, that I live more by grace than faith. Sometimes, I also feel as though no human being on Earth really cares. Oh Boo Hoo! What a tragedy! I know that's not true, but I doubt the truth. Honestly, this belief stems from self-centeredness. Which is why I'm pretty disgusted with my attitude. On the other hand, it also could be the fact that everyone is to a certain degree self-centred. Which is why, I am not the only person who tends to feel the same way. Everybody is just preoccupied with themselves and I am preoccupied with MY problems, MY feelings, MY etc... ... Is this healthy? What's self-love and what's being self-centered? I don't know how to differentiate between the two. You do things that are the best for yourself = self-love and you do things that are best for yourself not caring whether it affects other people postively or negatively = self-centered? Maybe I should have taken Philosophy in NUS instead, with all the crap I can come up with.
Watched F4 yesterday. ( No, not the Taiwan boyband! Fantastic 4!) Honestly, I was abit lost. But, alright managed to piece everything together after awhile. I seriously think too much. Maybe I should just get my brains removed. Tralala. Ate stinky beancurd also... ... Urgh. Died. I came back in spirit to blog. ( No, I'm still quite alive, I just had my brains removed. Explains the rubbish above.) Ok, I like the crispiness, the bite. But, NOT the smell and taste. Smells as though you haven't brushed your teeth for days. Oh well, I'm not alone in this. That's what matters. Hahaha. Tired. *eyelids drooping*

London Bombings

No Singaporeans were harmed during the bombings. Wonder which part of Europe Jx and her boyfriend is in now? Hopefully not London, since the situation there seems chaotic. It's freaking scary planting bombs at what 5 to 6 subway stations and 2 double deckers. Really hope that they are not in London.
If it's our MRT stations being bombed... Almost happened though. Quite nearby to boot. Realised that people will not make a big outburst of things that almost happened, but never did. Only when something happens and people die, then there will be alot of news. Perhaps it's also because there's no news to report when nothing happens. The media cashes in when there's sensational news. Take the 911 incident for instance. I'm pretty sure they made a quick buck when people grabbed all newspapers and magazines off the rack. I think that its neither right nor wrong for the media to cash in on bad news. They are reporting facts and giving the public what they want. However, this only extends to 'real news' not gossip columns.
I am guilty of reading gossip columns sometimes. But, is it ethical for a publishing company to cash in on someone's private life? Pitiful sods.
Sorry about the GPish entry! Haha.

Enjoying life thus far.

Sporting events of the day: HK drama serial marathon and swimming.
It was nostalgic watching the drama serial aired on Channel 8 four years ago. Couldn't believe that time has passed so quickly. Trying to pace myself, not too watch too many VCDs in one sitting. Who knew watching drama serials can be a sport? Haha. Sign me up for the Olympics! I am just so tempted to keep watching, watching and watching. After all, changing discs isn't much of a chore.
Took time off from TV marathon to swim. I swam 10 laps! Amazing. Considering the fact that I am not as fit as I used to be 1 year and few months ago. However, I was the slowest in the pool. People finished swimming 1 lap and I was still halfway to 3/4way through the lap. Plus, I got a head start. I just couldn't help noticing. Jia you Dawn! I really need it. No speed at all.
Quite sad that I've got work tomorrow.. Can't bum around at home. I love being a bum :) It's so addictive. Like drama serials. Once you start, you can't stop.

IOC at City Hall.

Went out, ate alot of sweet stuff. Overloaded on sugar. Better start exercising tomorrow! Just detest the feeling of lethargy sinking in making you feel like a lump of lard. Better slack away when I still can and get my exchange program application done soon. Seriously, the form is a chore to fill in. It's super long-winded... But, for the sake of a new environment. I'll do it. Soon.
Will be doing a VCD marathon tomorrow :p (Thank Leb for the VCDs) Welcome to a slacker's life!!! Hahaha. Perhaps start clearing my room the week before school starts. Don't you just envy me?
Slacking aside. I quite regret not buying the T-shirt I saw at Bugis last week with Candice. It wasn't expensive, but somehow I just wasn't inclined to buy it then. When I went back today, it's gone. *Poof*
Moral of the story: Don't ever drag things on for too long. They will not wait for you to make up your mind. Can be applied to many things in life. Carpe Diem: Seize the moment.
People say that I appear to more laid back these days. Don't look as burnt out as I was back in JC. Perhaps this has got to do with all the letting go I've been doing for the past few months. I am a girl without a long term goal, the future is a big ? mark. Medicine has really closed its doors on me. I'll just keep knocking and wait for the door to open. After all, "stubborn" is my middle name. Or, if you want to put it nicely, determined.

Overtime.

Had a pretty hectic day, deposited my pay cheque today. Grabbed lunch before going to work. Had a craving for fried chicken, therefore I went to eat at KFC. Was sitting alone in the crowded fast food restaurant, just wanted to eat as quickly as possible and get out of there. I don't know if it sounds strange, but food isn't as tasty when you eat alone. I have less enthusiasm to eat when alone. But, when I'm hungry I don't really care anymore. Or I switch on the TV for company. That's what I do when I have to eat alone at home. Do I sound like I have some kind of pyschotic disorder? Worked till 8 plus today because I had to tutor Chloe in Chinese. Chloe is one of the younger kids at the centre. Very endearing little girl :) She looks like a doll! Normally I don't do such things, but my colleague, Cindy, had to leave earlier today. So, she left Chloe with me. I was abit lost in the beginning though. Thank God that things went ok. Reached home at 9 plus for dinner... Strangely, I didn't feel hungry at all.
Just feel like I can go on working non-stop. Suddenly just want to drown myself in work and forget that the rest of the world exists. That is highly possible when the semester starts. What's the next milestone in my life? Graduation? Everything seems cliche. Suddenly, I just feel so jaded and cynical.

Hip Hip Hooray! More tests.. Believe it or not.

You are happy, driven, and status conscious. You want everyone to know how successful you are. Very logical, you see life as a game of strategy. A bit of a loner, you prefer to depend on yourself. You always keep your cool and your composure. You are a born leader and business person.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

You Are Rocky Road Ice Cream Unpredictable and wild, you know how to have fun. You're also a trendsetter who takes risks with new things. You know about the latest and greatest - and may have invented it. You are most compatible with vanilla ice cream. What Flavor Ice Cream Are You? You Are a Visionary Soul You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connect to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul What Kind of Soul Are You? You Are From the Moon You can vibe with the steady rhythms of the Moon. You're in touch with your emotions and intuition. You possess a great, unmatched imagination - and an infinite memory. Ultra-sensitive, you feel at home anywhere (or with anyone). A total healer, you light the way in the dark for many. What Planet Are You From? You Belong in 1962 1962 If you scored... 1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in! 1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too. 1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all! 1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day. 1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good! What Year Do You Belong In? Your EQ is 140 50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar. What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)? You Are Strawberry Pocky Your attitude: fresh and sweet Comforting, yet quirky ... quietly hyper You always see both sides to everything What Flavor Pocky Are You? You Are a Drama Princess (or Prince) (You are more dramatic than 40% of the population.) You're not over the top dramatic, but you have your moments. You know how to steal the spotlight... And how to act out to get your way. People around you know that you're good for a laugh. But at times, your drama gets a bit too much for everyone. Tone it down a tad, and you'll still be the center of attention. Are You a Drama Queen (or King)? You Are A Good Friend You're always willing to listen Or lend a shoulder to cry on You're there through thick and thin Many people consider you their "best friend"! What Kind of Friend Are You? You Are Socks! Cozy and warm... but easily lost. You make a good puppet. What Crappy Gift Are You? Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator. What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have? You Are Not Scary Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet? How scary are you? How Your Attitude Ranks Your Attitude is Better than 50% of the Population If you scored... 80-100: You've got a winner attitude. You're always optimistic and cheery. Your personality will get you far in life. 60-79: You have a good attitude. While a realist, you do see the positive side of most things. People love to be around you. 40 - 59: You have a positive attitude... somtimes. You prefer to see the world through clear glasses, not rose colored ones. 20 - 39: You have an average attitude. You take the good and bad in life as they come. Though sometimes you could use a little more good. 0-19: You have a negative attitude. You tend to see the dark side of every situation. Free ice cream? No thanks, it will just make you fat! How's Your Attitude? Your Dominant Thinking Style: Exploring You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name. You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs. An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles. You show people how to question their models of the world. Your Secondary Thinking Style: Visioning You are very insightful and tend to make decisions based on your insights. You focus on how things should be - even if you haven't worked out the details. An idealist, thinking of the future helps you guide your path. You tend to give others long-term direction and momentum. What's Your Thinking Style? I think some of the results are pretty inaccurate. The crux of the problem lies in the sort of questions they ask. Too vague? Anyway, it's all done in the name of f-u-n. Went out with Jas and Germ to eat at Fish & Co and watched Batman Begins. Food was definitely good, better still was the unlimited refills of mango-carrot for $4. Alas, we spent alot on dinner. Watching a movie today is also costly... But, we don't get to go out with Jas often. Last met her during the November holidays last year. Batman Begins exceeded my expectations, albeit some scenes were meant to be scary more than funny/silly. It has a dark, gothic feel. ( Well, bats. Whaddya expect?) Over spending again.. God help me with my faith pledge.

Chocs for thought.

4 Changes that sets u apart from unbelievers.
1. Attitude towards your circumstances.
Meaning: Willing to have faith that God is in control even when things are bad. Really bad.
2. Strong Character
Meaning: One that will hold fast to God? Not give up easily.
3. Concentration
Meaning: Focusing on God's purpose for our lives.
4. Confidence
Meaning: The "thing" that gives you the surety to do something.
I suppose I really lack 2, 3. I tend to veer off course frequently and that is because I have a weak character. Sometimes, I tend to struggle with 1,4 too. I suppose life hasn't always been kind to everyone. Doubts just creep into your head. Pray, pray and pray... I just reflect badly on Jesus don't I? I try my best not to reflect badly on God... Yet, I have to be honest at the same time. Some people just appear to be happy even though they are hurting inside. I don't know how they do it. I'm an open book, I don't really try to hide what I'm feeling. Though I'm capable to doing so, but it's just too tiring to do that, no?
Sermon was about moving and giving. It tied up with the faith pledge. Honestly, I can't even promise $120 as my money does not belong to me. I am really going by faith after all the events that have happened recently. But, I should be able to if nothing goes wrong. I feel that I give too little to God.. Everything seems to be about self-gratification. When will I stop living for myself?? Then life will have more meaning won't it?
I just thank God for all the people in my life. Though I get majorly upset and pissed off with them at times, they still are wonderful in their own unique way. Just wondering, how far would you go out of your way to help someone? How much would you sacrifice? And why would you sacrifice that much? Very often, I tend to ask people to make sacrifices for me. Just because I think I deserve it. Things just don't work this way.

I need the loo... ...

Did not sleep well yesterday night. Kept going to the loo during odd hours because of a mild case of food poisoning from the eating or drinking too much yoghurty stuff? I have a weak stomach that I admit. Hope Candice does not share the same problem. But, I'm fine now. Dinner went well, without the need to purge immediately after eating and no tummyache.
Accompanied Mum to get her beads from Chinatown AGAIN. I am becoming an Ah Ma. Sigh. Well, at least dinner's on her :) And boy was dinner scrumptious! Had birdnest almond eggtart. Interesting.

I am tourist in my own country

How can we claim to be Singaporeans when we haven't tried everything in Singapore? How can we be called locals when we feel so foreign in our country? That's exactly what I felt today. I went to Little India with Candice and felt as if I have stepped into another country. A mix in between Malaysia and India? That's what it felt like to us. Anyway, today is a weekday, so the place wasn't very crowded. Therefore, no "aromatherapy", ok? They do have the real thing though, aromatherapy spa, eyebrow threading, etc... Both of us were quite tempted to go up for a eyebrow threading session, but were worried about the pricing. So we did not risk it. (Imagine halfthreaded eyebrows if we refused to pay) Had authentic indian cuisine. People around us ate with their hands, but we requested for cutlery :p As expected we were the only Chinese eating in the restaurant. Food was really cheap!! Both of us only spent $11.10 on food. The waiter even asked if I wanted more rice, when I finished the mountain of rice served... ...

Mountain of Rice.

We went walking around and finally found Mustafa's Centre at the heart of Little India. Anyway, it makes me feel claustrophobic. The whole building is packed to the brim and they sell everything in bulk! 6 sticks of lipstick, 6 cans of deodorant at unbelievably low prices. Seems catered for the Indians who buy everything back to India. We didn't buy anything anyway. Strangest fact is the supermarket is on the top floor, above 2 levels of expensive jewellery. I mean hello? You look up to see the supermarket, while you are shopping for jewellery in a place that looks like Tiffany? Strange. The whole place is just disorganized.

We just kept getting lost. In Little India, the cars move pretty hapharzardly too. So, yup I did get my taste of India. I was quite sad that the fly fell into the mango lassi we were drinking. Stupid fly. None of us dared to touch the mango lassi after it fell in. Yucks.

Candice n Colonial House

I wanted to take more pics.. But, I was afraid of fierce shopkeepers shouting at me. It happened to before. Believe me. Little India rocks!

Over Indulging..

Haven't been up to much since I last blogged. Went to work on Monday, went out on both Tuesday and Wednesday. All my friends arrived late. As a result, the books I borrowed from Orchard library on Tuesday while waiting for Yl came in handy. 15min, 20min and 30min... I seem to have acquired the bad habit too. I mean why would I want to turn up on time and wait? Like any normal person I really hate waiting. I am not going to turn up on time next time.
The holidays have unknowingly slipped away, only have 1 month left. Really hope to do something before school starts, just feel like quitting my job and bum around. But, I can't do that :( I am currently still broke, inspite of having received my monthly allowance. Planning how to preserve my $$. I have the knack of making money disappear, if you have trouble doing that, please contact me. Or maybe, I have very little to begin with. Therefore, it is very easy for me to do that trick.
About over indulging, I think I really had too much chocolatey stuff. Ate mud-pie. Drank chocolate mocktail. My face is having an eruption of pimples now. Ow. I have to cut down on the sweet stuff. Please do NOT tempt me anymore. I have absolutely no self-control when it comes to the sweet, chocolatey and sugary. I crave for good pasta too.. Just ate that on Tues and I'm craving it again. Especially the one from Coffee Club Express. It has crayfish! Argh.
I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!
Just for fun ppl, just for fun...

Baptism Sunday

I am really happy for Algene that he publicly proclaimed his acceptance of Christ at East Coast today. He has been a very spontaneous brother, easy to talk to and easy-going. It is really encouraging to see Algene grow spritually. Really need to see more people growing. Went in search of flowers all over Yishun Central this morning and all the florists were closed!! In the end, I went to Cold Storage. Thank God that they sold decent looking flowers :) Well, it definitely was worth the effort.
And so we went to the beach...
After everyone left, we went down to Maxwell market to grab a bite. I ate super oily oyster omelette... I think I'll probably die from heart attack if I continue to eat this way. Gotta go jog, swim, anything! Thought could go rollerblading, but didn't come to pass. Sky appeared a little threatening and no one was keen on going blading or cycling today. :(
Walked to City Hall, explored a little of Marina Sq. Somehow, just wasn't in the mood to look around in the shops.
Leb had sharp eyes and he noticed the leaflet for Corrinne May's upcoming concert, if he hadn't spotted it I don't think I would have noticed. Hope to get my hands on the tickets soon!! Quite affordable.

I'm Energizer Bunny!

Woke up extremely early today.. (To me) At 8.20am. Rushed to work without eating breakfast, thank God that I reached punctually. A little voice told me to alight at Dhoby Gaut instead of Clarke Quay (where I usually alight) and walk to work. As a result, I managed to reach in time. Enjoy my present job more than selling bags at Citylink.. I just kept marking till my fingers felt like they were going to cramp and my back was protesting against my lack of standing and walking. I quite like my new colleagues, but there's some communication problem as I am ashamed to say that my English is not up to the scratch. :( Or rather, she's not local and doesn't have many local friends. So she doesn't understand the local lingo. Otherwise, she's really nice to talk to.
Made it early to Novena Square to meet fellow cellmates for dinner. Bumped into Vanessa first, followed by Gail and Roanna. Started to wonder where were fellow cellmates. Thankfully, I didn't have to wait for too long before Timothy and Algene arrived. Followed by Lichang and Sharon. Really glad they all could make it. Dinner was a good time for catching up :)
Went for service. Today's sermon was a continuation or expository on what we did for CLEAR. During worship, I kept telling God that I really want to mean the things that we sang to him. But, I found it difficult. God definitely loves me more than I love Him. Then during the sermon.. David kept saying that we shouldn't belittle ourselves.. Am I doing that? All I know that most people can't accept me for being myself. Quiet, unassuming, quiet, seemingly boring and quiet. I have many insecurities. Trusting God really requires effort, just like willing yourself to fall during trust fall. Or bungee jumping, trusting that the rope won't snap. It was also strange that I was ministering to others other than being ministered to. Though I didn't do much, just supported those who were being prayed for and provided tissue paper, I felt like crying too. Strangely during worship, I was already like that. Kept asking God to let me learn to love Him and make Him the focus of my life. Which is a mammoth task.
Went out for supper after service. Though we were not supposed to :p As to set an example for the younger ones. But, what they don't know can't hurt them right? Hm.. Maybe I shouldn't mention where we went to. (Rated M18) Food wise.. Ate icecream and rodeo wings! Yummy Teriyaki and Salsa sauce. I think I would have loved to join the others for supper.. But, somehow just didn't. Well, but things weren't bad on our side either. Took NR1 home for the 1st time.. Reached home at 12 plus? Now, I know how to go home after the MRT and the rest of the buses have gone to zzzz. I must STOP whining and complaining. I have to find myself, fast!

iPod Shuffle

My lappie's mobile now! Well, at least at home. Have upgraded to 1500kbps and got a free wireless modem annnd an iPod shuffle!! Haha. I'm quite happy with it though, except it has no FM radio. I don't need games or calender or those extra stuff. But, and FM radio would be so nice. Ah well, it's free so I'm not complaining. I can't afford any mp3 player in the first place. So long to my discman.
Went out with my uni friends to watch Mr&Mrs Smith. We were quite rushed, had to queue for the movie that started at 7.25pm when I reached Lido at 7.20pm... So, we got front seat rows. In the end, we made it in at 7.40pm. Thanks to the long advertisements, we didn't miss anything. Quite unbelievable that they can get married without really knowing their spouses at all. Pretty abrupt ending too. But, overall it was a comedy. Also watched Alot Like Love recently. Somehow think that the storyline has more punch than Mr&Mrs Smith, it makes more sense. Though it is just a chick flick. Went to Far East Plaza after that to grab a bite (late dinner and Subway cookies are yummy!), but my roomie had to leave earlier. Hope we'll be able to meet up more often! Time is such an important commodity.


Shuyan, Corrinne and Candice.

Me and Geo
Charlene Charlene.. Didn't get a chance to take photo with you again! :(

Couldn't resist.. How Sinful are you??

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 40%

Envy: 20%

Gluttony: 20%

Pride: 20%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 14%

You will get bugs, because you're too lazy to shoo them off. And then you'll die.

How Sinful Are You?

Hm.. Quite accurate. I am LAZY. Haha. I remember discussing with Jac last sem to come up with our own wrist bands with the 7 deadly sins on them. Now I finally know all 7. Saw this on Corinne's blog. Funny way to die too, don't you think? I will blog more until someone sends me our narcisstic photos. Haha. Anyway, we the narcissists met at 11.20am. I was late! Which almost never happens when I meet Cheryl. Sorry about that... Hmph. Quite irritated with myself. We met when the sun was up and parted when the sun went down. Which meant that we spent 10hrs together and I didn't feel even feel that tired.Physically yes , but only physically. We better do more of such things before my other half has to go to Melbourne. :(

Try dunking your digital cam in water.

There's this guy who accidently dropped his digital cam in the pond and tried to rescue it as best as he could. His camera was totally submerged in water and not water resistant at all, so H2O totally invaded the camera. He dried his camera out and after that his camera was never the same again.. Here's what I mean by never the same again...


Just normal flowers on the porch looks like a vincent van gogh

These are normal white coffee mugs.

Hm.. Well, if you are skeptical like me, think that he used some photoshop program to edit the pics? Well.. Maybe not. A damaged camera can do the above. But isn't it cool? According to him the pictures always change auras/colours even with the same objects and lighting. Haha.. But I'm not risking my digital camera.

i-am-bored

Your Brain is 73.33% Female, 26.67% Male

Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Riiight. I'm confirmed female. No doubt about that.

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

Is that true??? Do I really seem that painstaking and fussy? Eh, actually I'm quite 'shui bian' one. 'Shui bian', but not loose with my morals, so don't take it the wrong way. :) Hm.. I'm quite impulsive. Actually. Haha.

You Are 15 Years Old

15 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Really?! Quite unbelievable, so I'm that childish eh? Well.. Anyway, I think it's a pretty inaccurate gauge. Go check it out yourself.

All in all. I went for an interview today and got the job. I suppose my main worry is being able to teach kids that are so much younger (lower pri). I'm scared. Mainly, I'm afraid of scaring them and what if they climb over my head? I don't want to scold them. :( Well, but they seem quite well-behaved so... *Crosses fingers* I have never tried teaching anyone so young. I'm the only spoiled brat in the family and when was the last time I really played with a 7 year old?? When I was in Pri 6?? I was in the "buddy system" in school then. Come to think of it, it was really cute. We took them for recess, read with them, etc... Really brings back fond memories. I still remember one of my buddies, Fiona. I wonder how she is? I guess I have really lost touch. Feeling ancient. Haha. Think postive, think positive!!!

Trying to prepare for my "sermon" for CLEAR tomorrow. I have the material already.. The problem is presenting it.

Complexities

Youth Service was a blast today! Really thank God that everything went smoothly. It's so easy to forget that God has a big hand in it when things are well. We tend to assume that we are responsible for everything going well. But, when things don't, who do we blame? Anyway, no hiccups today. Hope things will become even better though. Amen to that.
I really don't have enough of God's presence in my life.. I am still haunted by many unspeakable things in my dismal existence. I wish I could stop being such a whiny little idiot, but it's such an insurmountable task. How much do I really trust God to do something?? I really wonder. I suppose I am living a pretty confused existence. I am stuck in my career, finances and a particular relationship that I don't want to talk about. God help!!! Perhaps I just refuse to see things from God's perspective, I just want things to go the way I want things to go.. And that's S-I-N. Let me define sin. It's when we want to go our own way, when we know it's not what God meant for us to do. I told God that my motives for my career are for Him, for His kingdom, but noo.. He chooses to put me somewhere else, which I still cannot understand. In one word, I am uncontented/ discontented?? I must stop being so proud... When it has never been about me at all.

Vatican City & Youth Service

Went out with Cheryl and hung out at her neighbourhood (Orchard) . Not your regular neighbourhood I did say. Haha. Walked around and she did most of the shopping. I bought a DVD -- The Last Emperor. It's a classic and it was only 10 bucks.. So might as well buy, right? Have been looking out many years for the copies of it in the 1st place. Dear girl just came back from HK and is leaving for Monash soon. Congrats! Hope to spend more time with her before she flies away again.
Accompanied mother to Chinatown to buy wire and beads for her hobby again. After that, we walked to Empress Place to look at the Vatican City exhibit. But, there was no exhibition yet! Because blur me mistakened the date of the exhibition and it starts only tomorrow. Looks like I will just go back there next Friday. I really love looking at renaissance art pieces. They are really beautiful.
Tomorrow's the start of the Youth Service. It's been a long time since I ever attended youth services. Can't wait for tomorrow! Surely we will do things with our own unique style. Some changes in my timetable also, as youth services are on Sat evenings. Meaning that Sundays are free... God bless us all, pray for Your hand to be in this and that we will present to You a pleasing sacrifice. A little stressed because I am going to learn the mechanics of handling the offering money and I haven't come up with my sermon for the next CLEAR session... Well, I do roughly have a topic in mind though.

On the prowl for another job...

It's quite sad that my fellow peers are all going holidaying, while I am little too financially embarassed to do so. Let's just say I'm close to bankruptcy now, but I suppose with a new job I should be able to live a little more comfortably. Had some disagreements with my parents yesterday. Dad acts as if it's none of his business. I shall not comment about my parents. Let's just say I am fed up of being broke all the time. Did some job hunting on-line just now.. Let's just wait for the results to come out.
Went out yesterday, (yes I know I spend money) watched Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, went to J8, etc... Ate dinner alone outdoors for the fun of it. Chicken sandwich and green tea. Well, Hitchhiker's is quite plotless. After watching it you'll probably go, "Huh? So what is the show actually about?" Otherwise, it had quite alot wisecracks interspersed in the movie. I figured that it was just about Mr Average Joe finding the love of his life and the meaning of life. Yada Yada. I really liked the stolen spaceship in the movie though, it changes it's passengers into "things" to fit into it's theme.. Say if spaceship turns into a flower, it's passengers turns into plants too. Hm... There was this kitchen device that cooks up whatever delicacy you desire and a gun that causes the other person to see things from your perspective when you shoot them with it. Talk about brainwashing. I wish I had this gun. ARgh. I would just shoot my parents.

Rollerblading has never been this easy!

Remembered that my 1st attempt at rollerblading was many years ago. I was with Dad at East Coast and also recalled him grumbling that I'll never make it. I guess I couldn't let myself go and make those gliding motions. It also took me an hour to finally get up on my feet to balance on the blades. Felt quite frustrated at the end of it all, maybe slightly happy that I managed to balance on the blades.
2nd attempt did not take place too long ago, but... It was still a fluke. I still couldn't let go and "glide", tortured my feet by dragging them and doing the treadmill. Think my friend got quite fed up too... Despite all the tips and support, I still couldn't do it! Still have a scar on my leg to remind me of what happened. Though it seems to grow smaller gradually. :)
3rd attempt (today!) went with Na and Tengz. At first, I couldn't glide too. But, being at the beginner's rink really helped alot. Plus, tips from Na and kind people around us. Slowly practiced getting the correct motions by blading a few metres at a time. Or holding on to the railings. Really proud to say that after 2hrs, we could "glide" on wheels and start feeling the wind. Teng was good! She got it and it's her 1st time! As for me, I'm slowly learning how to break. Can manage, but can't do immediate breaking.
Really thank God that we didn't injure ourselves and for having a great time! Never felt that rollerblading could be so effortless, being able to move smoothly and all. Looks like I'll try to go more often. Heh Heh. Who's up for more? *Grinz* I have finally let loose!! Woo hoo! It's a little breakthrough.
Makes me wonder if I could have even bigger breakthroughs in life? There are just some problems that exist and haunt you, but you are just too tired to confront them. Somethings you just can't handle alone. These are times when only God can do something.
Especially when we compare with others, we tend to compare with people who are better than us. I'm guilty of it too. We forget to be contented with the things we have. Often I have thought that people are too blind to see the good things they have and seem to dismiss these good things easily. Many times I feel like screaming, " Try living my life if you think yours is so bad!", to these people who think that they are so unfortunate. Maybe to others I seem to live a pretty charmed life. It's all in the perspective... But, to me other people seem to be having a much better time. Honestly, my life isn't that bad. Have to be contented. We can't have it all. Maybe you may have something that I don't, but I may have something that you desire. Vice versa. Nothing's perfect.

Got out of the slump.

Been eating alot lately.. Feel like a pig. That's why I just settled on Sushi for lunch today and WILL go swimming later. Won't be working today or for the whole of next week either because they want to train new staff for another kiosk that's opening. Finally stopped doing $0 sales. Was really impressed by this 'tai tai' who bought 2 Japanese handphone pouches from me, each worth 28.50. A tiny bag that costs that much... (and it's not even branded) Maybe I'll spend that sort of money if I have it.
Most Singaporeans have terrible handphone manners . I suppose it's true. We talk loudly on our phones, adjust our ring tones to the maximum level and sms when in the company of others. I suppose sometimes I'm guilty of talking loudly and smsing. 1. The background's too noisy! 2. Some smses just require immediate attention. But, I do get slightly irritated when my friends start sms marathons when I am with them. It just feels as if the sms is much more entertaining than a real live person's company. Feels quite insulting.

Ended work an hr earlier.

I think I'll start off with a sour note today. Business was so bad that my boss asked me to close an hr earlier today. I'm really having many self-doubts. I know it isn't really my fault that people just don't like that particular bag enough or something. I really tried!! Argh. Never mind.
Was supposed to meet Huimin at Clementi, but didn't go in the end because I left my handphone at home. Only realised that when the train was at Sembawang... Hai. Stupid. So, I went home and called her to apologize..Thank God she was still at home. Whew.
Went for porridge buffet, porridge was gd, but the "liao" was too salty. What to do? I think we took too much. (Someone disagrees. Haha) Quite worth it, but don't try the steamed fish. Urgh. I couldn't take the fishy taste. Walked around somemore till it was time to go separate ways.
Work.was.ok.Except for the sales part and people telling me, "I'll think about it." Meaning I don't think I like it enough to buy it. Happy that I had a gd lunch, but cancelled out by things that upsetted little ole' me today. Feeling neutral.

Day 1

Very happy that Teng worked today! Finally got someone that I'm familiar with who's around today :) But, I left at 5pm. While Teng had to work till 9pm :( There was also $0 sales during my shift today :( That's the 2nd time already...It was quiet today, but by the time I was willing to give discounts there were no genuine buyers left. Feel like an idiot. I want to look for another job... ... One that will allow me to continue to work even when school starts. Too bad Esplanade didn't want me.
Met Leng at J8 to help her with her project. Thought it was going to be an easy task... But, I've never felt so tired walking around J8 before! We walked around non-stop for almost 2 hrs, snapping away on the Ixus 5.0, dodging salespeople who tell us not to take pictures only after we have taken it (Lame) and figuring out the complex layout of J8. Believe me, the layout of J8 IS complex. Try drawing it out. I guess we got a little crazy after that.. We actually got a minor laughing fit. I can't remember what strange things I said, Leng does I think. I think I'll be avoiding J8 for the rest of this week.

Rest.

Isn't she cute. Looks like the statue.

Just finished watching Sprited Away on DVD. I regret not watching it in the movies when it came out. It's even better than Howl's Moving Castle! I'm not exactly fanatic over anime, but the use of colours in was beautiful. The story's mainly about Chihiro's parents being turned into pigs because they ate food not meant for them, Chihiro trying to rescue them and finding her forgotten friend Haku, who helps her on her mission, and a strong friendship between the both of them. It's a pretty long movie.. Think it was close to 2hrs...
Besides that, I played Theme hospital for most of the day. Better slack when I can, since I'll working till Friday. Sheesh. It has been a fairly relaxing day :) Nothing eventful though. Wished I had something to look forward to.

Everything In Its time

Been busy for the past few days. Occupied by work and other activities leaving me to tired to blog. To sum things up, I went to Kbox again with Cheryl. Unfortunately, she lost her voice. Hmph.. Sad. She seriously sings like Stephanie Sun. :p ( Won't she be happy to see this.) Worked from Wed to Sat (today), only rememembered I was totally zonked out after work on Thurs. Fri evening after work, I went to U Sq to look Wy, since it was too late to go to Lishan's place to visit her and baby Jodie. Baby Jodie is so cute!!! Saw pics from Gail's camera :) Went to CLEAR after that..
Sat- Met Mum and went shopping with her after work!Can't really remember when was the last time we really took time out to just go shopping. Usually, it's just a 1/2 hr walk after dinner. It's really great going out with Mum, because she pays for everything. Hehe. Bought her a pair of adidas shoes for her Bday. Aren't I a nice daughter? Haha.

Mummy's new shoes

I suppose my interest for Medicine will remain even though I can't go to Med Sch. Who knows? Maybe I will one day, maybe I won't. But, I trust God that he didn't give me this 'liking' for nothing. Maybe I'll have some breakthrough in research that will save many lives? However, I tend to forget His purpose for putting me in this particular place. Oh well, God knows best. There are just some things we will never understand and have to trust Him completely. He's God He knows what's His doing.