http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=89&l=06ed1&id=227800168

The link above leads to the photos taken during the field trip.

I'm so sleepy and completely full. Hahaha. I'm a big fat pig. Gained back all the weight I lost, I guess Bangkok and snacking in school really helped.
The field trip was a pretty mild trek up Bukit Timah hill, look at the pics to know what we were up to. Pictures can speak a thousand words. Saw things from the plant biologist's viewpoint and suddenly the nature reserve doesn't seem so boring anymore, if only my prof could speak louder. He's really soft spoken. Though he talked quite alot, I could only catch snatches of what he was saying. Kinda wasted.
Candice, Jac and I rewarded ourselves by going for a heavy lunch after the trek at Waffletown. Luuurve the waffles man, fresh waffles and whipped cream, so sinful. Guess I was half-asleep throughout the whole thing. Still got tutes to complete for tomorrow... *yawn*
Oh yea, I guess the fact that it's raining now after lunch isn't helping very much. Haha.

Feelings ain't enough, but God is.

Won't deny that I've been hurt, angry, sad and bitter. I'm just not very nice to be with when I feel this way. It's like as if I'm PMSing permanently. I've been asked for how long can I stay this way? I don't know how long, but what else is there for me to do? It's a lousy feeling.
Which brings to the point, why am I not applying anything that I've learnt from the Bible now???? Is there anyway I can see things from a whole new perspective? Well, only if I stop being angry and choose to see things from God's viewpoint. I can choose to believe that I am not ______ enough, I can choose to blame myself... (Which is all I have been doing.)I want to stop being bitter, but I don't know how to. Which in the meantime, I hope I won't do anything that I'll regret doing or saying later. Praying is all I can do now.

Depressing matters aside, school's been crazy.. Insufficient sleep for me. Not productive. Just doing tutes alone is all I can manage to do, which means I haven't been doing my readings. Bought the textbooks for decorative purposes.
Sorry dear readers, I still sound depressing right? Haha. I promise to be less depressing. Read on!

Going to Bukit Timah Hill for my lab.. Hmm.. This sounds fun though. Pick leaves up? Dear God, please let it not rain, k? Heh, university students going on a field trip to Bukit Timah. Haha. Looking forward to lunch after lab though, good food galore round the area. I'm glad that I have equally yau qwee friends Hahaha.

Tired.

You know when you are really tired when you don't want to do anything anymore. You feel disconnected from everyone and you try so hard to stay connected. You are there, yet you are not. Slowly, people realise that you are not there at all and all they have is an empty shell that pretends to be you.
I'm sorry for being this way. I'm sorry if I let anyone down. I'd really love to be enthusiastic and chirpy, but at the moment I'm weighed down. I'd really love to share your burden, but I can't focus very well.
It seems like a crime to infect people with sadness. Which is why I feel really bad that I carry my burden everywhere, the atmosphere becomes gloomy with whoever I'm with. I really try to lighten up, but I'm too upset to stay bubbly for long. If I haven't been too gloomy around you that's good, but my fuel is running low.
I need joy. I need laughter. I need love. I need rest. I need peace. I need a way out. I need acceptance. I need to stop blaming myself. I need God.

Another day has come and gone away.

Went to extract the 2nd tooth today, mouth is literally in a bloody mess again. Wondering why the bleeding hasn't stopped? Didn't catch a nap the last time and it stopped even faster. Thought napping and keeping still will help it to clot faster. Woke up with a patch of blood on my pillow. Eeeew. Thinking back, I was much more drama about the 1st tooth, for well, being the 1st tooth I guess. Didn't talk much about being scared this time either, perhaps I had too much on my mind to worry about it. Also partly, there isn't really anyone to whine to anymore who will bother give me the extra attention. :p I'm whiny. Haha. Things are so different now. Don't know why things turned out this way and I wish they didn't. Still coming to terms things that have happened lately, inexplicably a little moody, etc.. It's rather interesting to know that I still feel the same way towards him, not very unexpected though. Seems so complicatedly simple. I've already taken my own stand, will keep to it and not compromise for something less. It was a mistake to accept, knowing that things weren't exactly that simple, being all too eager to take a shortcut and ended up unhappy, making things worse. It's rather tempting to take something hard and bonk it over my head. Ok, shall stop playing the blame game. Not talking about something more, but fundamental communication, there are some issues that need to be worked out not just discussed. At the moment, doubt anyone is really up to it. Things happen, leave them and communication breaks down, feel like I'm worlds apart, because of whatever that has happened.

Other than that.. I've got 3 tutes due tomorrow and have yet to do even 1!!! How dead am I?? Hmm.. You can't blame me actually, I only had the lectures yesterday and I spent the whole of yesterday evening trying to match my subjects for the next semester in Georgia. Which I miserably failed at doing. Ended up writing emails to the profs over there. Hope they'll reply. If not I'm seriously in a fix. There is a serious lack of time. The girl's gotta rest also.

Yesterday was nothing short of a series of unfortunate events, my shirt tore and my birks snapped consecutively... Thank God nothing went wrong with my skirt. Though it almost got stained...

Mummy and I

You probably think I'm mad for blogging this. But, out of some kind of odd inspiration, I just wanna say I really love my Mum. Though she's not the most understanding person on Earth and always tells me to do something about my face, I know she really cares about me. She's always there when I need her.(well provided she can answer) She lets me fall down on my own and yet is there to pick me up when I need it. Cheers Mummy, though I highly doubt you even know about the existence of my blog. Haha.

Mummy and me
(probably look like that in 30 plus years...)

Metanoia

Metanoia
The following excerpts from Father Paul's Homilies explores the many subtleties of this Greek word. Metanoia, a Greek word meaning a change of mind. A radical revision and transformation of our whole mental process. That change of mind is something whereby God takes center place in our consciousness, in our awareness, and in our minds. Metanoia means a new mind. About what? About who we are. ...If tonight you're hearing with your heart, it's time for metanoia. It's time for a new mind about yourself and about life. Metanoia is the idea of the need for conversion. And this is then recognizing that we don't know, truthfully don't know, God and truthfully don't feel ourselves as God intends us to. We really need metanoia, which is allowing the grace of God to enter into our lives and teach us how to see ourselves and how to come to the true self. When the authors wrote in Greek about what Jesus really said, they all agree that he preached metanoia. ...one idea is conversion or transformation. Change of heart and, literally, change of mind. "The kingdom of God is at hand," he says, meaning it's at arm's length. But in order for you to grasp it, you have to be able to undergo something like this: a conversion and transformation and change of heart and mind Metanoia is a new-minded way of looking at life. And, in the broader sense, contrition involves a change of mind. And that is really what is meant by the Greek word, "metanoia," whereby we start thinking anew about everything. So to bring our thoughts into a godly, godlike form, that's part of contrition; that's part of metanoia. So I need to really find out what God really is and who God is and what God wants for me. He preached the need for conversion. Now conversion in Greek is "metanioa." And what is "metanoia"? Unfortunately, in English there's not one word that translates it very well. We could say repentance, but that doesn't catch the meaning of "metanoia." "Metanoia" literally means "beyond the mind." So it's an idea of stretching or pushing beyond the boundaries with which we normally think and feel. Now when we push beyond the boundaries what we are doing is we are allowing God really to take an active role in our formation. Repentance, metanoia in Greek, really refers to a complete change in perspective, a change in goal, a change in life itself, really! It means new mindedness, new change of mind and change of heart in the Hebrew sense of heart---how you think. And that means letting go of rigidities because God has to teach us all new about God. And what we have to learn basically is how trustworthy God is, and how in every single situation, no matter what it is, no matter how painful, God is to be trusted. God is always present. So God is always inviting us into more life, and so to be questioning our own ways and our own habits is a good thing--and letting go of rigidity. Thus his entire mission was begun by announcing the need for metanoia, sometimes translated "repentance." But repentance does not mean simply regretting some action or some word. Repentance means completely turning around one's life and one's being. A change, a profound change, of mind and even character. In the Bible, in the New Testament, this change is called "metanoia," often translated repentance. But it's not a backward-looking glance of regret; it's a forward-looking vision of hope. Metanoia is a new openness to what is truly objective, beyond ourselves, our view of life, how we put the data together.
From:
http://www.stjosephdg.org/parish/about/metanoia.html

I need more metanoia!!!

Sawadeeka! Back frm Bangkok

And I am tired. It was fun though :) Overall, it was a good shopping trip, food fest and eye-opener though. Hope to get some pics from Diya and Frances to post up soon. I have too few pics on my own camera, all thanks to my laziness. Heh. Shall elaborate more on the trip when I get the pics ya.
Anyway, I haven't really gotten any rest eversince I got back. Everyday I sleep an average of 4 hrs.... Not to mention that I feel emotionally drained too. That's it. I'm tired. I can't go on anymore, it's time I stopped and take a few steps back. Go get some air.
How do I feel? All I want is to be loved, have someone waiting eagerly for me, instead of the other way round. To be wanted. Not just to want. Perhaps that's why I feel so drained and glum, I need some input of TLC. I feel like as if I am giving all the time. Drained...

An ode to my tooth and about little things

I lost my tooth today, without much fanfare or adieu it was conveniently chucked in the dentist's rubbish bin. I have big gap in my mouth now, feels funny. It was faithful companion, never complained about all the chewing that I made it do. And all that gourmet food! Sigh, I miss that tooth and soon it's mirror image will accompany it in a few days time...
Haha.. Ok. That was an ode to my tooth and the other.
The little things in life count alot and I guess it's a matter of appreciating them. An sms, an uncomplicated gesture, a thoughtful gift. Let me say I Do appreciate everything. Maybe I've been blind sometimes. What can I do for you?

Is it 1 or 2 more weeks to sch??

Heheh. It's actually 1 week to the reopening of school.. But.. I'm going to Bangkok during the National Day week! Never done this before :p Ah well, heck it'll only mean missing 1 or 2 1st lectures anyway. Nothing very important lost out on. Can't wait to eat @ Swensen's in Bangkok, super duper cheap sundaes!!!! Enjoy browsing at Chatuchak flea market too, it's gotta be one of the largest flea markets in the world. I think I should consider learning Thai, since I keep going to Thailand for somekind of strange reason. I just went Phuket last year and the year before it was Bangkok also. In Bangkok, the locals thought I was local too. Hmmm.... I don't mind being mistakened for being one of them, if I could have skin as smooth as theirs. Heheh.
Gives me the heebie jeebies that I'll be in Yr 3 once the Sem starts... So old. The seniors were right to say that Yr 3 is THE most packed one in BS. I thank God that I'll only be around for 1 sem in Yr3, I'll be heading for Atlanta!!!! It's been confirmed for now :D In case you wondering why I don't sound thhhaaat excited, it's because I have this belief that NTU might screw things up for me. So, I'll remain neutral until they start feeding me the details, which I believe won't happen until later part of the year which is in Nov.
I'm breaking the glass wall the separates me from the rest of the world. I'm not gonna stand there like an idiot anymore. Dare to dream, dare to act.

Passing thoughts.

Lyrics by Joss Stone:
I hope you'll understand
That I can't always come when you call
Understand everybody has their faults
Please understand not to worry who I'm with or what I do
Cause I understand that I'm in love with you
Do you understand that I'm in love with you

Time, decisions.. Anything to do with that ticking bio clock??

Sometimes I wish I were younger. Eversince I was 19, I felt that each passing year meant a drastic change to the people around me and things..
What do I mean???
Last year, I was on my way to da pao lunch home and I thought I mistook this pregnant woman for my pri sch classmate. You know how pregnant women get abit swollen?? So, I couldn't really be sure if she was her. A few days ago, I was again on my way to da pao lunch, when this time, I am really sure the girl-woman pushing the baby pram was my pri sch classmate! Unfortunately, she didn't seem to recognize me or didn't want to stop to talk.. She was someone that I invited to my birthday parties once upon a time....
Another thing is... I just read from my friend's blog that my sec sch classmate is now married.

I am shocked.

I am only 21, they are only 21................. Is it me? Or is everyone in a hurry these days??

Sometimes, I feel like I am put behind a glass wall... Someone tells me something and I don't know why I don't really react. I heard it, I want to do something, but in the end I don't and the impression it leaves is I don't care. Or I respond and feel that I've not done enough. Lack of expression??? Too lazy??? Somethings have to change, to show that I do care about what's going on around here.

It's taking forever....

Currently I'm downloading the Windows Service Pack 2 cause 1 expires in Oct.... And it's taking forever, short of eternity.
Anyway, just came back from the dentist. This time it's really painful taking out the wires and putting in new ones. Feels as though I've had all my teeth extracted when she was unclipping my brackets and clipping it to secure the new wire. At least the annoying sharp bracket is gone, no more cutting my lips. No kidding, it really felt like my teeth were extracted. I was pratically clutching onto the dental assistant's hands, but I guess it was still bearable because I could still remind myself not to clutch too tightly.... My death grip was on the poor cushion though. Owie. Think tooth extraction will hurt lesser because of the anaesthetic. Speaking of which, 2 teeth will be removed during my next visit, to further push in the protruding front teeth. Owie, owie, owie......
Just received photos from my colleague, who took the photos :) Some photos to remember that I've worked at breadtalk and the nice people I've known.

ZhenZhi's Bday & My last day

And this is what we do after lunch: Head to the playground! (Just kidding)

Swing!

My Zen: Vision M has finally arrived on Wednesday and its arrival has heralded the start of my unhealthy sleeping hours. On the 1st day, didn't sleep until 3am and had to go to work the next day and of course I was late. The 2nd day was the same story. I really wanted to download all my music and videos in player!! And well.. To my utter disappointment.. I couldnt' convert DVDs to Mpeg format for storage in the player :( couldn't watch my new DVDs on the go.
Still trying to figure out.
My faithful shuffle has been taken by my dad whom I doubt knows how to use it at all. It was a fantastic jogging companion when I jogged alone, pity my new Zen player is too bulky to take on jogging trips. Jogging is gonna be a silent activity from now on. Like when was the last time I went jogging anyway?? Dance has taken over my form of exercise.
I'm addicted to swing.
The turns, the quicksteps, the fluid motion of the dancers (can't say so for myself, hardly fluid!)
Partner dancing is fun, fun, fun! It's challenging and whenever I can do the dance step or dance without mishap to my partner's feet, I get this sense of achievement. ButI have this really bad habit, I'm too busy looking at my feet to notice my frame or my partner. OOps... But, so far all my classmates have been quite encouraging even when I mess up. The guys definitely have it worse, coz all girls have to worry about during dancing is looking good. Thing is, I feel free when I'm dancing. Free to move, free from my thoughts, everything's gone. All's that left is the music and whoever I'm dancing with. I used to have the notion that partner dancing is something really personal or weird to do with a total stranger. But, I guess it doesn't really matter. It's kinda like a handshake, you don't have to know a person to shake somebody's hand. It' s not something that's only meant for couples.
Hope I get to stay for swing fest this week. Swing fest is an after class dance thing where people from all levels come to dance the night away. Minus the alcohol and disco lights, they play pleasant music and people dance really stylishly. Danced with an experienced dancer once, I was so lost.... .... Kinda embarassing too, coz I really didn't know what step he was trying to guide me into. I don't follow leads very well. Talk about communication problems.
My braces are getting to be less of bother as each day passes, that's a really good thing. If it's still as uncomfortable, I really don't know what I'll do. There's still this sharp bracket that keeps cutting my lip. Darn annoying. Can't believe that 6 weeks has went by, it's time to visit the dentist again on Wed and I'll definitely tell her to do something about that troublesome bracket.
Oh yea, and I've stopped working at BT. Last Fri was my last day at work. Took some photos with my colleagues and my boss still wants me to come back if I decide that slacking is too boring. I'm surprised. Haha. Hardly have I ever got employers who invite me back. It rarely happens. Met some nice people there, although the culture at BT is..... errrrggh. It's not a place whereby you can smell the aroma of freshly baked bread or get endless supply of bread. I've been deceived by the name Breadtalk. The turnover rate of staff there is so high that, I've worked longer than some of the permanent staff.
And tis the lighter side of life.

One more week.

I'm happy to say that I got no plans next week, I finally have no outstanding dates. Haha. Like I owe people dates. Like real. Something about planning makes things suffocating sometimes, "Oh I got to do this then this then that." Looking forward to bumming around at home doing nothing after I stop working next Friday. My boss seems a tad sad that I'm leaving so soon, she always gives me the impression that she doesn't want me to leave coz she keeps saying that I'm leaving too soon. I guess this is the 2nd longest job I've held on to. The longest was about 3 months, mammogram tagging remember? That really killed my brain cells, literally just peel and paste all day long.
Working at BreadTalk has really been an exprience, especially since I'm doing the job of an accountant! It has been really stressful having to learn from the scratch about debit and credit. In fact, my last week at BT isn't gonna be pleasant at all.... Coz it's closing time. Argggggh. More stress, more spread sheets, no snacks annnnd still no free bread. Haha. I'll never look at BT bakeries and Food republic, restaurants at Wisma the same way anymore. Everytime I buy something from these places, I'll remember poor sots like me who had to look through every invoice and receipt that passed through these stalls. AND the bread is..... nvm. Actually, it isn't that bad that they don't give out free bread. Let's just say BT is really good at cutting cost. Asking an admin girl to be in charge of projects is so thrifty, since well, one person can do everything. Haha. Aren't we all multi-talented?
In the end my brain cells are still killed, well in a more productive way I suppose. They die anyway, regardless of what I do. I think and therefore they die. Morbid.
I love my dance classes, though they are difficult. I can do pretty cool moves now, but I need a partner. Hai. Bummer. Alright, there are also some moves that I can practice on my own. I wish I were the guy. Darn. Guys get to lead. How unfortunate :( The guys don't really like to lead all the time either, coz it's really stressful. My poor classmate was sweating it, he practically turned me dunno how many rounds before he changed to another move. By then I was literally and mentally spinning. Haha. Not really his fault, basic steps all involve turning and more turning. Only doing the jockey doesn't require turning and that's all we know. Wanna learn more steps, so that we all can stop spinning. :s

When it comes to downloading I'm hopeless.

After a jam packed week of going out, dance and work, I came home yesterday to really surf the internet for a good 2- 3 hrs but guess what?? I just had to go and try downloading movies off the Internet and when I switched off my firewall, some virus, warped programme, the kind that autodownloads killed my computer. It practically hung everytime I opened it. So I spent the gd 2 to 3 hrs in the wee hrs of this morning trying to reformat my lappie. I did it, but all my stuff, music, photos, work I've done for the past 2 yrs in Uni are all GONE!!!!!!!! ALL GONE!!!!! ARGH!!!!! :'( I wanna cry already.... All my precious photos... My music.....
I guess serves me right.... But it's so unfair!!!! Other people have no problems downloading stuff, but me? I always have lotsa problems. I think it's time to do something about my firewall. It's useless. It's so inflexible. And ermm.. Stop downloading stuff?? Ha. C'est impossible. I don't know God what are You TELLING me???? Stop "stealing" people's stuff? :'( I don't know, I'vew never really considered it stealing because I only listen to it myself, I don't sell it to other people and mke any profit out of it ya noe? Or maybe I have really messed up morals when it comes to copyright. Hai.

Before I know it, it's over.

I haven't the slightest clue why I have no time at all. I haven't packed my room at all, so last semester's notes and textbooks are still happily sitting on the shelf, that I have to clear to make room for new notes and textbook. I guess I've been too preoccupied working. Yup, I spend about 8hrs working, 2 hrs travelling and the rest of the time either going out, eating or sleeping. Last week, I had a bad case of flu, therefore I happily stayed at home and slept like a pig. Thank God for that. I must master my use of time. Hope that I'll be able to stop working soon, I need some time to slack before school starts.
Looking at my results, I am neither here nor there. Meaning I am neither very bad nor very good at my subjects. I guess I'm just a average joe-y. I wonder if I'm still in the running for 2nd uppers. Hmmmm... Guess I'd better buck up more eh? If I still wanna do my PhD. God help me. Eversince the A levels, I've stopped giving my all in exams. Lost all the steam to push myself to complete assignments and study. I still do my work, it's just that my heart isn't there anymore. I'm tired. Aiya, I'm just too slack now. Haha.
Went back to church to help out in packing stuff with the younger ones. Being with them makes me feel old. Haha. Feel so lethargic, they all are on the go! and I'm like I all wanna do is sit down. I guess 2 yrs ago I was still like them. Now.... I really cannot liao. Aging prematurely. Darn. I shouldn't be so lethargic. Saw some of old photos and documents. Stuff that recorded who did chairshare and why they did them, attendance, blah, blah... It wasn't so much of nostalgia for me because I wasn't in the photos or documents, it was more of discovery, looking at how things were like and how they changed. Familiar faces of friends when they were younger, very cute leh! Hahaha.
God give me more energy to catch up with the younger ones and a renewed passion for my studies......

Taking a break and not doing anything

I am really sick. Woke up this morning feeling really exhausted even though I got enough sleep, couldn't bear to drag myself off to work. Well, anyway I am down with the usual flu which has been plaguing me since I don't know when. Even my Doc says that I've been down with flu too often and too frequently. Don't know what's up with my immune system, just a few days away at camp without vitamin C pills and I'm sick. How sad. My health is dependent on vitamin c pills.
Perhaps, with insufficient rest, staying out often makes me prone to falling ill. Even when I'm not at work I can't really be found at home. I'm always out these days for all sorts of reasons.
Friends, mum, church, work, etc...
Went out with the cell and ate some really sinful warm brownie and vanilla ice cream yesterday, maybe that's why i'm in this state now haha. Not that I regret, the brownie was worth it :) I'll probably just recover in a few days anyway.
Chewing with braces is literally such a pain. Have to chew really slowly... Because it really hurts to chew. Ouch, the price for beauty as Jason Ong puts it. Well, I guess the braces help me to eat less junk food. Have a craving for dessert from the dessert shop in Bugis.... Maybe I'll drop by this Friday. Heh heh. But, no chewing on gingko nuts :(

All the catchy titles flew out of my head

Back! Back from Port Dickson after a 4 day Church camp. This year's camp was not relaxing like the past years camps. Becoz it was combined with the other churches and the other churches were holding their youth camps, therefore everything was planned back-to-back. Everyday I fell into bed exahusted. Food was almost unedible, both water and electricity went off during the camp. But, in all in all I'm happy that I heard from God Himself, got to know more people better. Was rooming with Jun, Eliz and Joey. It was kinda weird, but the main point that they split us up into cell groups comprising of people from different churches. Joined the 11-14 yr olds, thank God for Zhi Han's company. Think I would have felt really alone if she wasn't there. I'm not going to say what God told me becoz it is too personal, but whatever He told me gave me comfort and direction.
I thought I lost weight.. But I didn't really lose much.. half a kg? Sigh. Oh well. This means that my healthy weight is around there.(And i'm not telling what my weight is!! Haha) Anything less or more means bad news. My lymph nodes hurt. Still kinda tired even though I didn't go to work today. Need my beauty sleep. Zzzzzz

I can't feel my teeth.

I've finally put on braces this Wednesday. Besides the abrasions on my lips and flesh, I can't really feel my teeth and I can't bite. Can't even really bite tofu. Haha.

Definitely didn't regret pigging out the week before, it's only been 2 days of eating soupy rice and I'm feeling really bored already. Besides, I still can eat ice cream :) BUT reaaaaaally slowly. Takes about 45 min to finish my soupy rice, porridge, etc...
Went for dance yesterday and it was fun!!! Doing a partner dance is very very very very difficult.... Well. At least for lindy hop, it's the guy who does all the leading. Girls don't really need to remember the steps, as long as the guy knows what and where he's going. Still, there's a need to coordinate with the guy. Looking at the pros dance makes me wish I knew how to dance more variations. They are so cool!!! OkOk.. Patience is a virtue. Haha. So far I only know how to turn with a partner and it's already very challenging.. Haha. I wanna cut the rug :p

I swear I'm heavier.

Pigging out at Breko

And that's not all. Actually we also ordered one bowl of soup, one apricot float and banana stacko which I ate before taking any photos as evidence of my gluttony.
Ate at Pizza Hut yesterday and today it is Brewerkz. Throw in a glass of beer, fish and chips, mutton, apple galette and chicken wings. Hmmm.. Eating like there's no tomorrow. I dare say I've spent close to a hundred bucks on food, just my own share alone.
Why?
Coz it's gonna be porridge from tomorrow onwards until maybe 1 plus week later? And kinda think braces will spoil my enjoyment for food. Or maybe it might actually make me want to eat more. Haha. I guess I'm overdoing it :p
Good thing is Thursday is gonna be the start of my dance lessons, though there's a slight problem. My leg hurts a little. Hopefully I'll be fine by then.

No more school for all.

The first week at work was.... tiring. I had so many things to learn and make sense of on my own and the only pleasure that I'm at least allowed during work is eating. Bought a whole lot of snacks to store in my drawer to make myself happy during work. I literally feel faint at work and I have no idea why. Lack of sugar?Lack of blood rushing to my brains? I don't know, but I almost fainted on Friday. My colleagues probably thought I was lazing at my desk when I was feeling sick.
My colleagues are pretty interesting too, from all walks of life and totally different from my friends. I'm kinda forced to make new friends. Well, at least my colleagues are friendly and they openly talk about themselves also. There's this girl who's younger than me, really pretty, full of attitude, I kinda admire her guts. She used to work at Kbox and told us some interesting stuff that goes on in Kbox. The jugs that contain beer or water that they serve at KBox are really disgusting because drunk patrons actually puke into the jugs in a fit of nausea. Plus, the people at Kbox aren't too keen on cleaning either, sometimes cups are really dirty that even my colleague also doesn't dare to use them. Well, call me anti-social, but I only really consider one colleague as a friend and she's Vegan Haha. So yup, been eating alot of veggies.
It's also the start of the June holidays, so actually screened The March of the Penguins for my sec 1s yesterday. It was abit slow, but at least they finished watching it. So much for trying to show something related to Science that's interesting. It was the most interesting thing!! If not what, show them the magic schoolbus?? Haha actually I LOVE the magic schoolbus. Maybe I'll do that the next time.
Got a last minute invitation to go crabbing with the secellites.. Considering how much I really don't want to go in this rainy weather I will. I've comitted to be a part of them, so yup. I'll go. Just wish that they wouldn't plan things so last minute, I was looking forward to lazing around the house and resting, doing my Masterlife series today.. Argh... BUsy, busy, busy, busy.... Don't even have time to read the book I borrowed from the library about Jim Elliot.... .... Help....

I'm back from crabbing. It was fun, sinking into the swamp and all, the stuff we caught. Crabs, Prawns, Clams, earthworms big and small. However, I think it would have been more fun if I were younger. It's not really my thing to go clam digging. But, it was fun :) Got to know the secell peeps more. Er.. However, I got a small, but deep cut. Not that it really hurts, but black stuff is stuck on the flesh of my foot. Tried scraping, flushing it out with water at home, but nothing works... How? It hurts after all I did to my foot. Really hope it doesn't get infected.... ....

Gaahhh! Accounts.

I'm beat from yesterday and today. It was fun hanging out with the guys (Jerry and Leon), never played arcade for sooo long before! 3 hrs! Yup, I'm sick of the arcade now :p Then we went cycling at East Coast. Apparently there's a newly built lift for wakeboarding and water skiing, sadly we didn't see anyone attempt to go up the ramp... And we were entertained by the people taking a dunk in the water... *evil* You guys are sick lah.. Traumatized big time. h-a h-a.

Work is crazy. I thought I was going for something brainless, but turned out that they want someone who can do accounts not just data entry alone. Argggghh. Which means I gotta learn how to do accounts from the scratch because I know nuts about accounting. Learnt quite alot of stuff today. Really hope my supervisor doesn't get pissed off at me for asking her so many questions.... ..... I feel really helpless. Annndd.. No FREE bread. :( I work at breadtalk and no free bread!!!!! What a tragedy..... I have to buy biscuits to feed myself during tea break.

The truth about dawn.

I seem tolerant, patient, calm, unaffected. But I'm not like that all the time, everywhere, with anyone. Realised that I need to be more encouraging and gracious towards other people. When someone does something wrong, what do I do? I suppose I nag, find faults instead of encouraging the person to do the right thing. Why is it so difficult to encourage someone to do the right thing??? I suppose it's because I am already annoyed with them and by determining what's right and wrong I guess I've already made some judgement upon them. I mean, yes, somethings are obviously wrong, but why did they do it?? What can I do to help them?? Obviously, the most helpful thing is to make them realise what they are doing is not beneficial to them. How, how, how??? I shouldn't be so swift in judging people.
I'm not very gracious because I nag too much, tend to harbour grudges sometimes too. I guess it's because I am just human and I need time, experiences and God's word to renew, refresh my parched attitudes.

Enjoying while there's still time

Was running about half of yesterday, went for a job interview, took Xrays for my teeth and met the guys for bible study.

God sure works in unimaginable ways, I got a job on the way to the interview, instead of after the interview. Jx helped me ask around, in fact I think she's far better than any job agency. She helped me get a job the last time also. I should be paying her comission man, it's the 2nd time she's helped me get a job already!! Haha. Anyway, it's gonna be data entry at breadtalk pte ltd for a month. Alas, no free bread. I also got an offer from the interview also, after accepting the job at breadtalk, some marketing job... Which isn't what I'm really looking for, but I guess it could have been fun. No regrets about data entry though. Pay's good, job is rather brainless and stress free. It's far easier money than being a food promoter at food fest in expo. 12 hrs on your feet is NO joke! Will be starting work on Monday. Finally! I can't stand bumming around anymore.

Taking Xrays for my teeth hurts less than getting the mould done. Blame it on the horrible sore on the side of my mouth, I swear it enlarges my mouth by causing it to split. Ouch.

Bible study for cell leaders turned out to be for replacement cell leaders. All the cell leaders couldn't make it, so we the 2nd-in-charge took over. It was a good time of discussion, learning about God's word and some fellowship. Wish someone more knowledgeable was there too, it would have been more reliable. Coz the questions were quite difficult to understand.

Will spend my last few days enjoying bumming, starting with a food spree this evening with Germ, before I put on the dang braces and it'll hurt to chew. Cycling with Jerry and his tutee at East Coast on Sunday, oughta take my mind off things. Before anyone rolls their mind into the gutter, there's NOTHING between him and me, never will be. We're just friends. (If you are reading this CHeryl!! I don't need to explain things further. I know you think it's weird.)

Love is..

Everything below is not written by me. (Big Discliamer!!) I just happened to read some stuff that intrigued me and here it is.
1st Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love is not as general as everyone assumes it to be. It's not the air we breathe, that's oxygen. Love is more like that shade of blue the sky gets on warm summer days, when you look up and the trees are outlined in its brilliance. It's there - but not everyone takes as much note of it as they should, and most everyone just doesn't understand how it can be so breathtaking. Love isn't what makes the world go round, that has a bit to do with gravity. Love is more like the warm puffs of breeze that rustle by in the fall, past faces and faces, only being noticed by a select few who keep their hearts open. Love isn't a warm tingly feeling in your stomach, that's adrenalin. Love is more like the sharp sensation when you inhale on bitterly cold winter mornings, that feels like ice ripping into your nasal passages. It's sharper and more unwieldy than most would like to admit. And love isn't the sound of the ocean in a seashell, that's the circulation of blood in your ears. Love is more like the tickle of a Spring flower against your nose when you're smelling it. It's subtle and often shadowed by the lustful scent of romance.
Love is… different.

I wish I could write like that. I love the author's analogy of love. Haha.

Went to the dentist just now to get a mould of my teeth. It hurt. Though it wasn't supposed to because I have this sore at the edge of my mouth and forcing my mouth open to get the mould in hurts. I realised that my mouth is really small. The dentist had to pry my mouth open. *ouch* Almost choked on the plaster she forced into my mouth too, what a way to die. "Girl chokes to death on plaster in dentist chair." The brackets (those shiny silver metal things) will be put on about 2 weeks later. Better enjoy eating while I can, before it really hurts to eat anything but porridge. I'll probably lose weight after putting on the braces too. Wonder if I can even talk properly.

Cashless Cow

What's the biggest problem during the hols? Hmmm.. I would say the lack of money to do the things that I wanna do. If I wanna take up classes, where's the money gonna come from? I doubt my parents will fork out money for me to take dance classes. So I've gotta pay for it and who's gonna pay for the meals I'm gonna eat outside and the excessive shopping?? Me. Yup, so a holiday job is a necessary evil. Highlighted my hair brown today, thank god Mum paid for it. Initially, I wanted to bleach streaks of my hair and then dye it purple. But kinda chickened out, coz I wanted to look unique not weird. Yup. No purple streaks. :(
I need a job to shop, eat and enjoy the hols. Can't rot at home all the time.
Went to the job agency today, seems promisng and I got this dubious job interview tomorrow that's waaaay too formal for my tastes. Hopefully, I can get an internship with IBN.

I'm FREE!!!

Alright, I've gained freedom to do almost whatever I please for the next 3 mths provided that there's enough cash to do them. Which means I have to get a job. Alright any kind soul out there who has a job to recommend and think it's suitable for lil' ole me drop me a msg or something alright? I can't stand having NOTHING to do. For now, I'll enjoy myself playing SIMS till my eyes fall out and finally go visit the dentist and trim my overgrown, out-of-shape hair that hasn't been trimmed since errrm CNY? Hee. ALright, I am trying to grow my hair long ok.
I don't want to think about the results at all. PLS DO NOT MENTION the word results in front of me.
As of now, I am hungry at 1.46 am in morning. I ate enough for dinner and I'm STILL hungry.. Argh. FREEDOM!!!!

Feeling lightheaded and sleepy.. Whee! HAhaha

Finished 208. Virology. Surprisingly it went better than I thought, probably even better than 207. Felt that I could have done better for 207. Yup thank God for keeping me sane thus far, despite the crazy amounts of infomation I have to memorise!!!! Which kinda explains why I feel lightheaded after the exams. Hmm? Unloaded everything on the papers. Ask me next time what I studied and I'll go ??? That's life in uni.
I have this urge to run to the nearest KTV and sing my lungs out. I don't know why. Only thing I can lament about KTV is how weird it is to sing English songs in KTV. It's the MTV with all the scenery and skimpy 'ang moh' models that makes me wanna laugh more than sing anything. Anyone wants to go after the 3rd of May??? Cher!! (If you are reading this) I don't care! Next time you are back in SG, we cuzzies are gonna go Kbox at least once, even though I know you'll be super busy.
Suffering from sleep withdrawal symptom now, thanks to the not very peaceful sleep. Flitting in and out of consciousness. Perhaps it's that rattling skeleton in my closet that's keeping me up. Alright, no more skeletons. Heading off to catch some Zzzzzs then mug more tonight for.... 209. That crazy, overdemanding module.
Kinda CRAVE playing Sims too. I lost my original Sim CD and downloaded a free one off limewire, only problem is I can't add new objects to the game. Bummer. Hope I get my Sims 2 soon.

Where's the light at the end of the tunnel?

Where's the sunshine after the rain? HAha alright, I'll stop being so dramatic. Been trying to mug for Immune for the past few days, not very successful though. Ended up playing Sims, Roller Coaster Tycoon, surfing the Net.... Alright, I did devote about 5-6 hours of studying everyday, but why do I feel that I'm not doing enough??! 8hrs spent sleeping, 3 hrs spent munching, 5-6 hrs studying annnnd 7-8 hrs to rrreeeelaaaxx?! Argh.... Shouldn't it be the other way round?
Other than that, I think I'm pretty apathetic to things happening. Seems like I don't care enough. Somehow, I feel too weary to care. If you knew someone was dying what would you do? Even if you don't the person personally. Haven't really been praying enough for the people around me, or for myself for that matter.
My mind keeps wandering to places that shouldn't be visited and my emotions are unbalanced. I keep asking myself why I feel this way and kinda realised that I'm envious. Envious of what? I'm envious of people who are surrounded by friends 24/7, well except for sleeping time. When I think about such people, I feel really lonely. Sorry I guess this sounds kinda sick. Why can't I be like that too?? Go out in the morning, work, play until wee hrs in the morning, head home. concuss in bed and it's the next day again. I don't know what I'm trying to escape from here. Perhaps just the overwhelming loneliness I feel.

AWOL

I can't rememeber the last time I updated.. So I'm either having memory loss or it's because I really haven't updated for a long time. Came upon something today, gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling after reading it. It was a book of bestfriends coupons, chuckled while reading it. Does it sound familiar to you? Hope it does. See you soon bestfriend!! Missed ya.

Am I mugging or ??

Spent 6 straight hours mugging today. Will be back to more mugging after this break from 6 plus to 10 plus?? I feel quite tired actually, just want to plonk into bed and zzzzz...... Been listening to many songs thanks to limewire, but then... I hate the pop-ups!!! It's so irritating. That's the repercussions of using such programs. Prefer getting cds... But... I'm poor. Have to really like the songs in the CD before I can buy it. Cheryl recommended rachael yamagata. She's really good! Somehow I'm feeling rather contented. :)

L.I.F.E at NTU

Is made more bearable with friends, aka fellow sufferers in BS. I've finished my 2nd last lab report today, one more to go on Thursday. More hardship to come this month. Argh. Sometimes, I really think I'm really dumb. On my way to being a bimbo. Maybe I should bleach my hair? Hmmmm? *blink**blink**smile* Being in uni has made me dumb. :'(

Let's do the hustle!

Jac, Candice & Moi @ Cher & Fel's 21st!

Another weekend, another week passed. Been super duper busy, didn't do any revision last weekend at all. Hai. It's my fault, I know. 2 more weeks to exams... ... Argh... I'm so dead. Went to Fel and Cher's birthday party, went on an 11km hike at Macritchie and food trail. Woah. It's really time to sit down and study. I wonder if I am growing fatter. Hm....

Seems like it will never end.

I am exasperated with the neverending lab reports. Need time to revise for my exams! Argh.. I'm starting to think that my life is really unglam. Hur hur. Which probes me think what am I really living for? Hm.. I do admit that I want a glam life. So what's a glam life? Famous somebody? Alright, maybe not famous, but happening. I am starting to wonder what else am I good at other than my *ahem* not so fantastic studies. When I was 6 (i think), I wanted to become a pianist and perform on stage, heh but I was no child prodigy. I suppose I lacked the focus, you know child prodigies are very focused at what they like. Me? I can't even play anything on the piano now. Then, there was the cello. Haven't played it for years, forgotten all the basics. I feel so hopelessly stupid. Besides playing any instrument, there was also this fantasy about being a lawyer. Other than watching them debate, I didn't know what else they did. You know the glam stuff on TV... ...
Really wondering if this is the kind life I want. Graduate and try to go on to do a phD and then research in the lab for the rest of my life. Maybe discover something and in the process be so alone. I see my professors eating alone during lunch everyday, they don't really seem to talk to each other for fear of leaking out their research. It feels so lonely... I wanted to be a doctor, be surrounded by people, to be able to care for people. But, there seems to be no way to be one. I hate being alone. Every year I ask myself the same question. What do I want???
I feel that I'm being carried away, further and further away from everyone. Maybe one day when I talk, no one can understand what I say anymore.

The separation of the mind and body.

I'm typing now and I'm physically at home, but obviously my heart is somewhere else. Been staying at home to do my work or else I was in school. Well, short of getting lost in NUS again yesterday when I went in search of Yl to get my chem notes. Yup, other than that I've been slogging over 2 lab reports and tutorials, not forgetting that I keep dozing off during lectures this week. I keep feeling that I haven't gotten enough sleep, but I feel so awake at night! I should force myself to sleep by 10.30pm. The last time I really went out was Sunday. Should I be proud of myself? Still , I haven't been very productive and I'm getting quite kan cheong especially when I look at my notes and don't understand more than half of it. I AM SO DEAD!!!! I have no idea what the lecturers want this semester. Thanks to all the mumbling. They should really go for speech lessons, or get a better microphone. Argh.
Reprinted this particular lab report 3 times... Made changes till I lost count. I realised that I have no idea what I've been doing for my reports, or rather I can't remember. My brain feels like it's wrapped in cotton or should I say it feels like soup? I NEED A BREAK. Let me study and know what I'm studying.
Besides that I have fantasies about enjoying beancurd and you tiao at Yong He. Throw in durian too. *Drool* And I wanna go to this Cantonese cafe... WHen?!!!?

Normalcy

I'm finally doing what students are supposed to do. i.e. tutorials, lab reports and projects. Sometimes, life seems to be better off when it's all about work. At least, work is still under my control? To a larger extent I suppose.
I couldn't make it for SCCC and I'm wondering if I should have went because now I really cannot gauge if I can actually serve in secell. I doubt I could have spent much time there even if I went, 2-3 hrs? I really pray things will work out eventually...
Had a great time last week meeting up with my dear friends. Sheena, Teng and Yl. Nothing fanciful, just sat in KFC at Braddell reminiscing about old times and catching up with AWOL Yl. It doesn't really matter where we met, there'll always be this common bond that we shared, same experiences, those long gone loony moments. I miss them. Things can never go back though, we're all changed people, we were this way for a while and then gone. Even I am different. But, my fondness for them and those JC years still and will remain. Perhaps, one day I'll say the same about my uni life.
It's going to be all about work this week. I've had enough.

Life is strange.

I've been having alot of difficulty blogging about what I've been up to. Not that I've been up to anything... Been quite shaken by the thoughts I'm capable of thinking. Makes me want to be left alone.
Went to watch Munich. I liked it more than I thought, so did my friend. It was a dark, thought provoking movie featuring the never ending feud between the Arabs and Jews. Endless, senseless killing massacares. Well, it was pretty gory, a good reason why it was M18. Had to figure out the plot while watching, it wasn't a light show to watch, required some thinking. It starts with the killing of the terrorists and their hostage of 11 Israeli athletes. I give it 4 out of 5 stars. :)

Jam-packed

T'is the 1 week break and it hasn't been much of break. Hahaha. I can only think of 2 reasons why it doesn't seem like a break. 1. I'm so free during normal school days, therefore having a break seems to be no difference. 2. I've been so busy doing something at all times, to the extent that I feel that I haven't been resting. I suppose it's between 1 and 2. Been making full use of my time to do things that I normally don't get to do, like going to the KTV with Angie, hanging around aimlessly at Orchard, going back to NIE lib to sign up as a member and borrowed the much sought after Voet and Voet (finally!!!) going to get the uber thick textbook photocopied. SO much for copyright laws... ... I am only a poor student who can't afford the text.
Sent Cheryl off at the airport yesterday, it doesn't seem like 3 mths ago that we flew Phuket. Time sure flies. Ah well, 3 1/2 mths will pass faster than I can say, " Exams are coming!" I dread the exams... ARgh.... It'll be so stressful after the break. Sigh. At least, the 3 mth break will be after the exams :D
Been watching House MD. It's really excellent!! Love the graphics, the plot, the characters, the case studies!!!! Hahaha. Combine Sherlock Holmes and Medicine and you'll get House MD. Greg House's sarcasm really gets me. He isn't corny funny or lame funny. He is smart funny. And amazingly, he never gets a case wrong and he only accept cases that are out of this world. E.g: Tapeworm in the brain?! It's making life sciences seem like a whole lot of fun :p

Laaazzzy to Blog.

Alright I haven't been that busy, I've been waiting for things to happen so that I can blog. Hm.. Let's see. I finally finished the horrible no good lab report only to find that I'm expected to do even more horrible no good lab reports. On the bright side, I've got lab reports to do and a school to attend! Haha. I'm just glad that also have less horrible no good lab reports to do. I pray for wisdom to understand what I'm supposed to do.
Attended my church's anniversary dinner on Friday, took many pictures with the snackies and my tablemates.Dinner overall was a racuous affair with Tim and Jon finding a new friend. :p Went home with a very weary Gail and the guys OCX, James and Kevin. Dear James gave us a lift to Bishan where we could flag a cab home as the restaurant was quite ulu. Tessesohn Rd? That was the 1st time I've heard of it.







The following day,Cheryl, Miss-I'm-turning-21 cum bestfriend, gave us a treat at Akashi!! Seriously the best Jap food I've ever tasted. The unagi sushi was the best I've ever eaten, and I mean it tastes really good since unagi isn't one of my favourites. Thanks for the sumptious treat and I'm glad you enjoyed yourself :)
Went for KTV with angie and we were busy dedicating songs to people we know because it suited them to the T. Song of the day by 五月天：别惹我 Hahaha. I really like it!! And singing those songs back from the 80s early 90s was nostalgic, it sure brought back many memories. Especially listening to the grasshoppers. Cheesy.

G for Gullible and Gluttony

It's strange that the person didn't get back to me, if they really needed blood so urgently. I guess I overreacted. Heh. Apparently, the blood bank in Singapore makes sure that they have all varieties of blood available. But, I suppose for my case I oughta create a stash of blood at a private hospital for myself or others when the need arises. Not that I'm cursing myself, but what if?? Just look at the way I cross the road, Germ always says its a miracle that I'm still alive after looking at the way I cross roads.
Been eating alot of junk this week. I've gotta recommend FRIED MARS BARS at Far East. The British take-out shop just beside Shilin. Bite sized fried chocolate with ice cream, it's heaven I tell you. MUST try!! Geez, I'm craving for it now.

Fly my aeroplane.

Met up with the co-ordinater it's confirmed that the "exchange" will be postponed till next year January. Sigh. Yup, I am disappointed and annoyed. So much for telling me that I can go and now? Then she also said that even then it'll still be subjected to changes. Factors dependent on my grades, NTU's budget, viral outbreak over there, more hurricanes, etc... Things are unpredictable. I give up!!! If God really wants me to go, He will let me go. I'll stick with that. If it's yours, it's yours.
Busy weekend, went out with Cheryl, watched "Matchpoint". Went to church, visited Matz and Mary's place. Their parents were most kind and gracious hosts, bought lots of KFC chicken for us to munch on. Then went to exchange my too small T-shirt at Bugis, then Orchard again. Monday's mind-numbing, my sleep addled brain can only take so much and I kept dozing off during my lectures. Though I hope readings will help me to catch up.
There's this 4 year old girl who needs my blood. Tried calling the contact number left on the SMS but no reply... I'm quite freaked out by the needle and pumping my blood out during blood donation, but it's someone's life. So, yup. Do the right thing Dawn!!!!

I thought I wasn't going anywhere. Haha.

Went over to Quan Ee's place for lunch yesterday and Say Ee was also there with Elizabeth and Joy. Joy my youngest cousin is already 11!! Wow. I still remember her as a baby, it didn't seem that long ago. 11 years has passed?! Woah. My aunt cooked up a storm, there was shark's fin (don't look at me animal lovers!), abalone, emperor chicken and ma po dou fu. There were 7 people present and strangely we couldn't finish the food. Think we probably were filled drinking soup. Seems like she really enjoys cooking after coming back from Vancouver. Did you have anything to do with her enthusiasm for cooking Cher? Then my aunt generously opened her bottle of Bailey's and told me to help myself. Was quite tempted to drink more, but... it's not apt to end up drunk midday isn't it? Still had another place to visit.
Went over to Auntie Poon's place. Didn't stay for long as she had alot of visitors over and even if she didn't her 4 grandsons who are aged 1-4 respectively will keep her SUPER DUPER busy. They are so CUTE!!!! Especially Zhenting. He's the oldest and the most mischievious, I wonder if his younger brother will outsmart him next time. I lament that I've got no pictures. SIgh. My mum claims that she'll replace me with Zhenting when I go over for exchange. Not that I mind Haha :D
Then off to Jac's 21st birthday bash. Stayed at her place for a few hours, ate, watched TV and played some brainless games. My reflexes took a day off and I kept losing, thankfully they haven't brought out the alcohol yet. If not, I think I'll become even slower. Took a few pictures on Charlene's camera and I think her perm looks great. Jac's place is really cozy, like her glow- in-the dark stars. Left with Candice, since I didn't really know anybody else except for Charlene who also left shortly after us.
Since it was still early, I went for an unplanned supper with Caleb who drove :) 3 cheers for the driver and the car!! Haha. Went to River Ang Bao and pigged out. Cannot fathom his obsession for genuine smelly tofu. Find the smell quite tolerable these days, probably getting used to it. But, that doesn't mean I like it. And I will NEVER EVER buy bing tang hu lu again. Everytime I watch those period dramas that candied haw seems to be such a hot fav, but it tastes bad.. Well, at least to me.
Today.. Dropped by at Pa's friend's place. Finally met Jeanine, whom my Dad kept wanting me to meet. Because she does medicine in MelbUni and can give me sound advice regarding studying medicine overseas. However, I think I'll be shelving these plans aside until God (hopefully) opens those doors. She knows my JC classmate, who is coincidentally her present classmate now. The world is so small. She burned for House MD, which is like CSI for me. Yay!! New serial to watch. I guess I can get to know her better since she's staying till May this year before heading back to MelbUni.
School starts tomorrow and report rushing starts now (Yes, now!!!). Procrastination is my middle name. Dawn P Koh.

Less bustle, less noise, more rest?

Reunion dinner and the first day of new year and not much to prepare. Not much fan fare this year, didn't buy new clothes for the new year, since I do have enough clothes and not doing much visitation either. Looking on the bright side, I've got 4 days to rest and catch up with my work, instead of running everywhere to visit relatives whom I hardly know. It's fun when my cousins are there, we have no problem entertaining ourselves or if I know someone from the family that I'm visiting. Or else, it's just stoning in front of the TV and answering questions such as... " Where are you studying now?" Though people don't ask me if I'm studying anymore, they seem to assume that I'm working. Hm... Hope that doesn't mean I look old...

This year is quiter because... CHERIE. You are not here.. Hmph. It's different without you and your family. Byron wanted to gamble and nobody was banker this year. Normally Ah Ee will be the banker and the table will be one rowdy mess because Nick or Bryon will insist they didn't lose or won. Haha. Miss you all. Chinese New Year and family gatherings won't ever be the same again. If you are reading this Cher, glad you woke up so early to meet us on the web cam!!! Haha. Your eyes look so small as usual :p Leng has the pics of our reunion dinner. Be back next year for new year?? :p

Watched "The Promise" with Jun, since my mother bought the VCD. Very lame movie... Apparently everything happened all because the girl stole the bao from the boy. Then the boy so kua zhang, he felt he cannot trust anybody for his entire life anymore all because the girl stole his bao.. Doinks. Then Jun forgot to bring her stuff home.. Woke me up from my nap today to get her stuff. So annoying. :p

Went for service today, this year's theme is Be a disciple and make disciples. Underlying fact that we have to be disciples before we can make disciples, being a disciple = discipline?? :p I'm linking everything together. Ahh.. Then Pastor Mark preached about the 3 priorities that must not overtake God. People, Possesions and Purpose. I guess I got abit restless at the end.. Was talking more than listening... Oops..

Some pics *oink*

Unpredictable part 2.

God showed me something again today. Yesterday I was lamenting about the unpredictability of life and today, "Wham!" I get an answer smacked in my face just when I don't expect it at all.
I was upset over an email that simply stated that the exchange to US is under review and to wait for another semester and even then nothing's confirmed. I truly felt sick of waiting and hanging around for confirmation. Why? Few months back, I applied. Some got accepted and others rejected. Me? I waited and waited but no answer came, at that point in time, I thought they had thrown my application away and didn't even bother to tell me about the outcome. So I gave up hope. Suddenly, they called. I GOT IT!!
Then now this. I feel like they're playing with my feelings.
This morning, the office called again and now the co-ordinator wants to see me. I wonder. For what? I have no idea what she's going to tell me. Though I replied that brief email asking about what's going on, I doubt she wants to meet me because of my reply. She could have just emailed back. So, frankly I have no clue.
The main thing that happened was not about the exchange programme.
It is about my attitude. I dislike it. Why can't I be more patient and wait upon the Lord?? And why am I always so uncontented?
Unlike Uncle Joey Kong who's a friend of 老爸. He has a rare kind of cancer and is the longest survivor of it. He was diagnosed with it 10 years ago at an advanced stage and the doctor told him was going to die in a few weeks. By God's grace he is still alive now and on trial for a new drug. I know it sounds really simple, but do you have any idea how many people he had brought to salvation because of his illness? Instead of staying at home away from the crowd like what the doctor told him to (a simple flu can kill him now), he continues to volunteer/counsel at the cancer centre and work. He even has a family to take care of. Auntie Yvonne, his wife, is a wonderful person. The drug he's taking now is giving him kidney failure and the loss of sense of taste. He thanks God for using him to bring so many people to Christ, but he suffered so much for it and he thinks it's worth the price.
His testimony makes me think. Here I am lamenting over losses and broken promises and feeling sorry for myself and there he is serving God and really living life to the fullest. Honestly, what really matters?

Unpredictable.

Like what Prof Lun says, " There's no such thing as 100%, there will always be a chance that..."I can't seem to appreciate the unpredictability of life. A girl whom I knew came down with a relapse of cancer again. She was someone with everything that I wanted, but now she's lying in the hospital bed instead. Unable to eat at all. I pray that God will perform a miracle, this kind of unpredictability I can accept.
Things keep going wrong all the time, I really need a break whereby things just flow smoothly, predictably for awhile. Everytime when things seem rosy and fine, something has to change to spoil the picture. I hate it when circumstances swallow me up, I feel so defeated. Even when there's something that I can do about the situation, I'll learn not to act on it until I have seeked His will. Heh. I know God will never stop sending trials my way because He knows that I need alot of sharpening to be effective. But, I feel so tired!!! Help. I'm only 20 and I already wish that I could go to sleep and never wake up.

Cell leading = Heavy Responsibilty

I signed it. I signed it. I just signed it a couple hours back!! This is another significant event in my Christian life. Of course the 1st was baptism, immersed in the pool in the middle of the sanctuary, then return back to the stage decked in all white then walking down the aisle (sounds like dum da da dum) in twos with a guy I hardly knew. Right, I was baptised without company, so no friends to walk with.
This is different. Somehow, God is so real in my life than He has ever been before. Yes, I still fall and hurt myself, but I know He will be there to kiss the wound and make it all better. I really depend on Him, there's no other way to get enough wisdom to be able to take care of other people. There will always be kinks in life and life without kinks is plain meaningless. I should I say tasteless? I still wonder if life will be meaningless if we don't fall down and suffer.
My main concern now is... Getting my spiritual food, so that I can feed others. And.. Why do I feel so needy??

Revelations, some of which I really don't like.

I've been like a demagnetised magnet. I used to think that I have pretty good polarity, but after 1 year plus in university I feel like I actually am pretty directionless. Yes yes, I do have goals... But, it's not about goals. I feel that I don't really know myself very well. For example, what I enjoy doing or who I really am. I'm pretty confused. Plus, I'm pretty good at lying and justifying things to fit my fancy. Blergh. It's time to get repolarized according to His word and oh man, it hasn't been easy. Been reading this book by Joshua Harris, it's been a pretty difficult book for me to read as it shone right smack on the dark crevices in my cracked life and it really hurts my eyes to read the book. But, hey it's been helpful, I pray I can live up to it. The message was, "Intimacy is the reward for being committed". It's selfish if I want to enjoy being close to someone and yet don't want to or rather cannot commit. After everything I did, I can only conclude that I am ignorant and foolish. But, I honestly had no idea that things will become like that. Let this be a lesson learnt that will not be repeated again, no matter what my flesh says.
Other than doing alot of soul searching, I've watched In Her Shoes and Elizabethtown.
Personally, I think In Her Shoes is lots better, it's not a chick flick as I thought it was, it talks alot about forgiveness and family. Life's been different and it will get even more different as my perspectives change. Perhaps my "depolarisation" is a result of changing attitudes. Hope I get the right ones.
School's been good :) Strange that I actually feel this way despite all the crazy questions that's been thrown at us. Feel that I haven't been really living life to the fullest.

A really looooong day...

Woke up at 7.30am today and my first contemplation of the day was, "Should I skip lect today?" I was super tired, all the accumulated lack of sleep is taking its toll on me already and it seems to be psychological. I mean I didn't sleep much during the hols. I guess it's the waking up early thing. Went for lecture and then rushed to class.. Was a few minutes late and as a result was quite flustered, which was baaad. Felt like a disorganized mess. Had a angry parent confronting me...But things were fine in the end. After class, rushed to church and finally reached home at 10.30pm. Could have went home later, but half of me wanted to go home. Haven't been doing much work either. Sigh. Oughta spend tomorrow catching up with my books.
Will be officially commissioned as cell leader next week, increasing the stress level further. Well, I'm quite happy with all the 'busyness' actually. But, all of it is pretty self-centred. Algene calls me 'ice queen', but will say something if I have something good to say. NOOOO!!! I don't want to be 'ice queen'... Sigh. Reminds me of the white witch from the chronicles of narnia... Ok, out of point, she's the villian in the story and I'm not supposed to be villianous. I wonder what's wrong with me. Too self-conscious? In other words... *ahem* self-centred?

Shopaholic

This is my room. I'm starting to think that it resembles a hostel room, perhaps I brought my way of life from hall back with me. But, my room is definitely more cluttered than my hostel room and slightly bigger too. :p But, somehow I still like my room. The clutter and the wooden furniture makes things cozy. Alright. It's messy, but it's an organized mess. Haha.

This strawberry look-a-like was THE reason why I went all the way to NUS. Only 50 copies sold in NTU for a cohort of 150 people!! What's wrong with the school bookshop? Don't even want to do business. Well, I have many readings from the book, which is why I have a good reason to get so 'kan cheong'. All 50 copies were sold out on the day of the 1st lecture, which explains how enthusiastic my fellow coursemates are about Immunology... Too enthu if you ask me...
Went shopping in school! Wahaha. Seiyu had a sale over in the auditorium, we bought a couple of things and it was sooooo cheap. A calender that normally costs about 20 plus only cost about 6-7 buckaroos there. So satisfied! Hahaha.

Some Phuket Photos. Finally!

A small glimpse of what we were up to in Phuket. :p

I just want to leave everything behind.

My spirits haven't lifted up much. That's as much as I can say. In the year of 2006, there will be so many more new responsibilties and challenges to face. I've never felt this tired before, not even when I was in JC and knew that I almost got retained. Things get harder every year don't they? Currently, my S1 science class has 9 students. But, they are alright. Hope they actually learnt something from my classes!!! Put in effort to make notes for them. Somehow, they do cheer me up a little by making me forget about myself. In class, I become Miss Koh or rather Dawn, the blur science teacher. Haha. As for my P4s... Well. There's really alot more that I need to do for them. I'm quite clueless. How does one go about teaching English??!! Argh.
I used to attend Morris Allen speech and drama lessons and find that it really helped me in mastering English. But, I would say that their methods are rather unconventional, involving mostly play and reading. There was not other way I could learn things in primary school. Seriously. I was one of those kids who can't study. Alright I wasn't stupid, perhaps just slow.
I miss Faye, my DG leader from school. She just flew over to Atlanta a few days back and will only be back before I go to the same place that she went to. It's pity that we miss each other this way. She's going to the same place, but at a different time. Just 1 sem before me!!! :( Bleah. Maybe God wants me to continue what she's going to accomplish there. I'm sure God didn't allow me to go there to twiddle my thumbs.
Perhaps I want to leave because, the past is not doing me any good. I haven't been myself and I'm in so deep that I don't even realise it. People tell me that I've been staring into space looking distracted. Being unaffected and leaving everything behind is impossible, unless by the grace of God I get partial amnesia. Been escaping of late. When I can't solve the problem, I try to escape from it. I tried so hard, but it doesn't leave me alone. There's no where to run and hide. I wish I were unaffected too. How long will it take to heal these wounds? When will they even start healing? They are not healing. Time doesn't make a difference when I'm not allowed to heal. What will it take to heal me then? If only I could get the message across.

nerd. Not!

A Confession: I am weird.

Yes. So I am weird. I hate to admit it but I seriously cannot get the frequency of most people. I'm becoming an alien. It didn't seem so bad last time, but now I really don't understand what you guys are laughing about. I really don't understand. Perhaps it's not just one person I cannot understand, but all of you. What was said makes sense now, perhaps it's not only you that I cannot connect with, but with the rest of the crowd. Or maybe, what happened made me more aware of my disability to connect with others and makes me feel worser than ever. I will never understand how and why things turned out this way.
It's so difficult to talk to anyone.
It works in some twisted way. To me, you have the same frequency as a normal person and if I can't communicate with you, I can't communicate with them either. So, that makes me an alien. And guess what? It's true. I can't get through to all of you.

It's only school.

Went for the 1st lecture yesterday, I couldn't understand what Dr Rupert was talking about. Looks like I've got quite alot to work on and I better work instead of talking about it only. This week's still pretty slack, only 2 lectures. School hasn't gone into full swing yet, which is quite comfortable actually. Sometimes I think that uni is reaaaally waaaay too slack because of my seemingly short timetable..Must not forget that alot is about self-studying now.
Glad to see everyone back in school, got to know more people from my course from the recently ended hols. 2 of my classmates are back from exchange, they sound really happy. Can't wait for August to come around!
In case you are wondering why I removed the last post.. It's because it was too depressing, reading it makes me feel uncomfortable. I pray that Jesus will heal me and help me to be more like Him, instead of being more cynical, etc...

2 more days to the new year

School's starting soon. Don't really like the new timetable because lessons start at 8.30am and end as late as 5.30pm.. Not going to take any electives this semester since I've already completed all the units required for electives. So au revoir francise. Don't expect it to be a more relaxing semester although there are only 5 modules. Besides school, I've got tuition to teach and new responsibilities in church. Life for the next 6 months.
YEP is on Saturday, been asked share my testimony on how I came to Christ. There's nothing dramatic about how I accepted Christ into my life, things happened gradually. I did not face resistance from my parents, things fell into place. But, life as a Christian has been a tumultous one, it's exactly like running a marathon. Sometimes, my lungs feel like they're going to burst, but I have to continue the race.

Merry Christmas!

Performed outside Takashimaya on Friday, half an hour of carolling sure can pass by really fast! Didn't even feel like it was over. I don't know why, but something is missing this Christmas or is it different? The lights down Orchard Rd don't hold too much appeal to me anymore, the hustle and bustle due to Christmas shopping seems disconnected from my life. Like I am not part of it anymore. This is also the 1st time in many years I am spending Christmas eve at home, usually I probably be out. When I was younger, it was always with my parents at St. Andrew's cathedral's midnight mass. For the past few years, it has been dinner at my aunt's or hanging out with friends till wee hours in the morning. Christmas day is the day to get concussed. Or rather, I suppose I don't need much sleep nowadays. I desire sleep but sometimes it doesn't come easily. Perhaps drowning myself in work has taken away all my expectations for Christmas.
Of course, I musn't forget that this is the day that Christ our Saviour is born. That is something to celebrate!!

4 days flew by.

4 days of being a camp group leader has taught me many things and how I can improve. I can't help but admit that I am socially challenged. Seriously have to learn how to play more ice breakers and how to interact with people without stressing myself out, which results in mental blocks. My behaviour goes funny when I'm stressed and that's not good!!! I'm sure some of my grp members found me slightly off the kilter at times.
Thank you God for being there and blessing my group members individually, that each of us went home refreshed and with renewed fervor for You despite all that had happened during the camp. There were ups and downs. All I can say is that I would have been much worse off if I hadn't surrendered and kept asking Him, "How? What should I do now Lord? How can I bless my group members??"The thought of asking and seeking God did not come to me initially and this made me realise how self-reliant I was, how much I was using my own strength to accomplish tasks. What I based my self-worth on. If people are not pleased by what I do or didn't do, I will feel that I am inferior. But, God doesn't want me to please people, He wants me to please Him and this doesn't mean pleasing people for the sake of them liking me. This was a tough lesson for me to understand as it's been pretty confusing to differentiate between the 2 sometimes. Sometimes, decision making is a pain to me, especially when it involves other people. There's this over-whelming fear that the wrong decision will result in embarrasment or hurting the other person.
Things that have lost their meaning over the years have regained their meaning again, if not even more. The words hit me so hard that I reached another level of worshipping God altogether. It truly is much better to give than to receive. I wish I could give even more, but I feel so limited. I have to learn how to trust God and not to keep a death-grip on the way I run my life. Meaning that I shouldn't be so adamant about things and the possible outcomes. As we played the games, attended the sessions, worshipped God and carried on with other activities, things I thought which would never work out broke down right before my eyes. I've gotten some solutions and I can't wait to learn about even more solutions that I can find from the Bible.
Things are not going to be easy and I pray that I will be able to apply what has been taught to me.
There were times I felt like breaking down and there were times when I thought only of myself, those were the times when I felt so weak that I was ready to throw in towel and forget about everything. Especially when God what was dealing with things that I couldn't let go of.

Away for 4 days!

Camp's today! Won't be back till it's Monday. Hope I'll survive... ... Tired even b4 camp starts that's not a good sign. Got my voice back, but still sick.. Should I visit the doc again? Is it neccessary? Don't want to eat any more antibiotics. Pray that I'll be able to take care of others...

Please oh please pray for me

My voice is still taking a vacation in Phuket and has left me speechless. Jac insists that I sound like Ronald Weasley and gets entertained by me saying, "Bloody Hell!" I guess that's the only good thing that came out of this sore throat. I'm pretty entertained by my voice too, if not for the upcoming christmas choir and youth camp.
DOUBTS. I really wanna minister to others, but somehow I am not filled with the Spirit. How can I minister to others when I, myself am not able to listen and follow instructions from the Holy Spirit? I fear that whatever I say will sound shallow and meaningless to others. Why am I not filled???
Perhaps it's not that I am not filled, it's because I have to many things on my mind that I am deaf to the Spirit's calling. Like what?? I've got tuition stuff to prepare, which I must do by at least Thursday. My throat is still very bad, how to lead my group like that??! (and the camp is on Friday.) Worried that I cannot minister well enough to my group members because I'm so unsure if it's the Spirit leading or my own human wisdom. 2 other personal issues annnnd my results for this sem are coming out soon! This week or the next. Didn't fare very well this semester, was pretty careless during the exams. I feel like I have done some kind of injustice to myself if I get bad grades. Getting bad grades, will affect alot of things. E.g.: The honours, the exchange programme, my career and the list goes on... No need to elaborate.
I feel helpless. There's only so much I can do and why do I even feel more stressed than during the exams??! It's odd. The only thing I can do now is to commit every single thing to God and pray that He will have grace and mercy on me. Please pray for me. Arghhh. 疯了。

Hardly home these days.

I've officially fallen ill. Had to visit the doctor today. Was so uncomfortable that I woke up at 2am to throw a flu tablet into my ulcerated mouth and I lost my voice. Singing's out, therefore no choir practice for me today. I wonder how am I going to catch up... I wonder how is Cheryl faring in Paris.. Hope she's fine because we're both so sick.
Felt unrestrained and free in Phuket, like I was a born beach bum. Or maybe just bum. Haha. Because I spent quite a fair bit indoors, instead of outdoors tanning. Wore beach gear that I won't wear in Sg, for example a white spaghetti top. Perhaps I haven't gotten over being a beach bum yet, wearing jeans and covered shoes seem uncomfortable. Drank oversized cocktails at a mere price of 6 buckaroos. Tell me, where can you get such cocktails in Sg? Still, I'm slightly disappointed that I'm not as tanned as I would like to be and didn't get to shop as much as I hoped to. Will blog more about Phuket with the pictures.
Life's like a colour palette to me. Except the paints are all mixed up to produce different hues. I've dark grays, blue, bright red, orange, etc... Point is everything is mixed up!!! I am big contradiction myself.

Back from Phuket!

Left Singapore for Phuket on Monday morning. Reached the airport at 12am in the morning when our flight was 7am!!! Felt kind of depressed having to leave my home so early in the morning. Well, it's my fault. If I had insisted on taking a taxi or staying over at Cheryl's, I wouldn't have felt this way. In case you wondering why there are no pictures... I haven't got them yet. Have to wait till Cheryl's back from Europe before I'll meet up with her again and currently I don't feel too well... I left Sg feeling fluish and poor Cheryl caught the flu in Phuket...
Phuket.. is. kinda of boring. Then again, we did some fun stuff! The most exciting part of the trip was visiting Phi Phi Islands (Pronounced as Pee Pee). Went snorkelling with the colourful fishies, deep sea swimming and... Swam at the beach where they filmed, "The Beach" starring Leonardo DiCaprio. That beach was BEAUTIFUL!!! For once I really understood what it meant by deep blue sea after spending half a day in a speed boat out in the blue waters of the Andaman Sea. The water was so clear that you can see the sea bed and corals! Unfortunately it started raining when we reached that beach, but we still played and swam in the heavy rain. No wonder that we're sick. The currents in the sea were pretty strong too.
We stayed at sleazy Patong in Phuket.. Didn't snap any photos of the sleazy places, even boat quay, mohamed sultan combined is much less sleazy than what I've seen. You don't have to walk into the club, bar, pub to see the sleaze. Just walk along the streets. There are 3 streets filled with them. Transvestites, prostitutes and pole dancing galore. The place screamed, "Sex!"
Even Patong beach in the day is infested by vendors who sell souvenirs, drinks and offers of parasailing, jet-skiing and renting beach chairs. Been asked a million times if we wanted to go jet-skiing while tanning. Annnd maybe because we are uniquely Asian girls (Phuket is filled with Ang Mohs btw), the Thai guys on the beach flirted shamelessly with us... I felt kind of uncomfortable with this sort of attention. So much for peace and quiet. Ha. If a guy had went along with us, I think things would have been different.
Feeling tired. Will continue blogging soon... Can't wait to get the photos.

Officially declaring that I'm out of this freakin' world.

Realised that the passage into adulthood is not an easy rite. Lines that used to define what was right or wrong are now blurred or maybe I have never really questioned the values that were taught to me for the past 20 years. Which leads to the question of are some things really wrong? A simple example. Smoking is neither right nor wrong. But, from my point of view it's wrong. Before you smokers out there jump down my throat let me explain where I'm coming from. To me... Our bodies are temples for God. Knowing that smoking is harmful and addictive, I'm defiling my body= defiling God's temple? Same goes to other stuff that destroys/defiles the body. Ok... Once I was asked what about BBQed food? Isn't it carbon filled and carcinogenic (cancer causing)? Ah, then Dawn ah why you still eat ah? Alright. BBQ food is not toxic if it's not purposely burnt and eaten excessively ok? The amount we eat is insufficient to cause your cells to behave weirdly. Please lah. In that case, don't use shampoo lah! Shampoo also probably contains alot of carcinogens.
There's no absolute answer in this dynamic world. Bit my tongue countless times to stop myself from passing narrow-minded judgements. But, sometimes I fail. I suppose if you share the same perspective that our bodies are God's temple, then perhaps you can understand. Because smoking and a whole lot of other things used to be pretty neutral as long as they don't harm others and whether we harm ourselves is our own business. Until I really knew Him. Therefore, I will try my best, or rather, must not do anything that defiles God's temple. My life is not mine. So to speak.

More stamina please.

Started attachment in school today, really happy to see familiar faces in the lab. Wanted to wake up earlier to eat breakfast in school at Mc's today, but I couldn't wake up due to my screwed bio clock. Been sleeping on the average at 3am everyday for the past week and was expected to sleep at 12 plus and wake up at 8.30am today, which is an impossible feat!! So at least I managed to reach school on time. First thing the prof said when we reached his lab was," Do you want to see your results?" And stacks of our exam papers were piled up on his desk. Very nice way of welcoming us to the lab. Haha. So.. Yep. I knew my results for my worst paper. I PASSED!!! Hope I can get a B. I expected to fail. Because I made so many mistakes. Apparently, I didn't fail the section that I expected to fail. Thank God :) Prof Y was very nice too. He taught us a few things today, thought he would just leave us without much guidance. Some profs don't guide you much and you wonder at the end of the day if you learnt anything at all. Hope that by the end of this stint in the lab, I'll be more familiar with preparing stuff.
Met Mummy at Causeway Pt. Ended up buying more stuff than I wanted. Instead of buying just shorts, ended up buying other stuff also... And I'm glad I ate enough for dinner. Coz... We bumped into my Mum's friend who has a 3 yr old little girl. She sure can run!!! Ended up chasing after her and I got NO stamina. After half an hour of playing.. I was telling her, "Jie Jie is tired cannot chase you liao."Hahahaha. Then she didn't want to let me go home. Then after I left, she was shouting at the top of her lungs, " Bye bye!!!" Little monster. Hee. But a very cute one!!! I like playing with kids.. But, realised that I probably don't have enough energy to play like one and don't have much chance to. I'm shy!! Haha.

Liberty.

Exams are FINALLY over. However.. The last paper was also my worst paper... ... Was quite disappointed that I filled in the blanks wrongly. Felt like kicking myself after checking through the notes. I really hope I can pass. Maybe a C. That's the worst I have ever done so far. :'( I blame my poor memory. Need to find more methods to improve memory!!! I WILL trust God no matter what.
Cheryl's back!!! Yay!!!It's time to start living for the hols. Phuket trip, birthday celebrations, christmas celebrations, tuition to give, books to read, friends to hang out with and exercise to do. Weeell, met Cheryl for a sumptious Jap dinner yesterday. Yummy! One of the best Jap meals I ever had.


Yup, really had a jolly good time stuffing ourselves with authentic Jap food (and not Sakae Sushi) for once. Annnnd finally, after 4 months, we can talk face to face. Felt it was some kind of surreal. Hahaha.
Have to save up for the trip... No more splurging. Ack. Sigh. Walked around Orchard and Cheryl did both of our share of shopping, so didn't need to buy anything at all :p Nah. I am really trying to save up so we can do more things over there.
Met up with Lenggity for waffles!! Yea, really missed Gelare waffles haven't eaten them for... Only God knows how long. Still... They were overpriced even when they're half-priced today. Waffletown sells nice and cheaper waffles, but not great ice cream. It's infuriating to suggest activities to a near pauper. I know. I don't like it either that I have to turn down ideas because I don't have the moolah to do them. But... I am a pauper. Sigh. 没有钱也有没有钱的玩法。Went to her place and collected my souvenir from Taiwan! Wahahaha. New bag. *Wide Grin* Then.... LEnggity designed a new blog interface for me! Hahaha. Thank you so much cuzzie!!! You know I'm hopeless with JAva and HTML. I'm just a Bioscigeek. *Wider grinz*
Borrowed some books from the lib can't wait to read them. And.... bought purple hair dye. Haven't dyed my hair yet... but... well...

Thank you God!!!

Been too lax with the exams this semester... Only started studying for my paper today at 7pm yesterday :p Yup, that's how unmotivated I am. Or maybe it's because I really cannot stand studying for microbiology. Hate memorising the names of the bacteria, I like reading it and somehow I can remember the discoveries and techniques just not the names of the bacteria and not to the T. Never liked memorising things word-for-word, I like to improvise!! But, sometimes I get the meaning wrong and therefore the answer is wrong! Sigh. I really thank God for pulling all of us through. Could answer the questions that came out and won't fail. But as for an A, it's really all up to God... Of course I hope to get As. I did say I'm leading a pretty well-balanced life. Played tennis on Monday, watched Just Like Heaven on Tuesday and STUDIED on Wednesday evening. Hai, terrible. Will not repeat this for the last paper.
Can't wait to watch Harry Potter next week!! Whee! Finally. I LOVE Draco Malfoy. Hee..

Les Examens

Je dois rappeler Il est meme hier, aujord' hui et demain. J'ai examen francaise demain, besoin du paix de Dieu.

Fragile

Whatever I am going to post is just a random rambling produced by my overheated brain.
The world is full of lonely people and I admit that I am often part of this crowd. Can't be surrounded by people 24/7 and even if it were so, being in a crowd can be lonely too. So what do we do to keep these shadowy feelings at bay? We occupy ourselves with work, the companionship of other people, etc... But, somehow in some twisted way, we still feel lonely. I'm not saying that work and relationships are unimportant, but can they alone make the emptiness go away??
Tried burying myself in work to assuage these feelings and given no work to do, I'll probably get a mental breakdown. Then again, when I have work I procrastinate. (Which gives you a good idea of this crappy entry.) Studying for exams can be the most hermitical thing you can do. People are forced to isolate themselves, unless they can resist the temptation of chatting and get down to the serious business of studying. Can't go shopping, can't go watch movies, can't go do anything. I suppose this semester I've been less hermitical during this period of revision. Perhaps just more lazy.
At this moment, I don't feel that empty. I don't know if it's because there are many lonely people out there or because I know Someone loves me for being me. Sometimes, it gets a little confusing.
It's the exams and all my friends are busy mugging, most of them are not the type who can study in groups. So, that really puts a crimp on my social life. I could go back to school and look for my friends, but somehow I am too lazy to move my butt to Boon Lay. It is ridiculously far.... ... Companionship or no companionship, I can't make myself go all the way there.
Books for company and notes to talk to.