When it comes to downloading I'm hopeless.

After a jam packed week of going out, dance and work, I came home yesterday to really surf the internet for a good 2- 3 hrs but guess what?? I just had to go and try downloading movies off the Internet and when I switched off my firewall, some virus, warped programme, the kind that autodownloads killed my computer. It practically hung everytime I opened it. So I spent the gd 2 to 3 hrs in the wee hrs of this morning trying to reformat my lappie. I did it, but all my stuff, music, photos, work I've done for the past 2 yrs in Uni are all GONE!!!!!!!! ALL GONE!!!!! ARGH!!!!! :'( I wanna cry already.... All my precious photos... My music.....
I guess serves me right.... But it's so unfair!!!! Other people have no problems downloading stuff, but me? I always have lotsa problems. I think it's time to do something about my firewall. It's useless. It's so inflexible. And ermm.. Stop downloading stuff?? Ha. C'est impossible. I don't know God what are You TELLING me???? Stop "stealing" people's stuff? :'( I don't know, I'vew never really considered it stealing because I only listen to it myself, I don't sell it to other people and mke any profit out of it ya noe? Or maybe I have really messed up morals when it comes to copyright. Hai.

Before I know it, it's over.

I haven't the slightest clue why I have no time at all. I haven't packed my room at all, so last semester's notes and textbooks are still happily sitting on the shelf, that I have to clear to make room for new notes and textbook. I guess I've been too preoccupied working. Yup, I spend about 8hrs working, 2 hrs travelling and the rest of the time either going out, eating or sleeping. Last week, I had a bad case of flu, therefore I happily stayed at home and slept like a pig. Thank God for that. I must master my use of time. Hope that I'll be able to stop working soon, I need some time to slack before school starts.
Looking at my results, I am neither here nor there. Meaning I am neither very bad nor very good at my subjects. I guess I'm just a average joe-y. I wonder if I'm still in the running for 2nd uppers. Hmmmm... Guess I'd better buck up more eh? If I still wanna do my PhD. God help me. Eversince the A levels, I've stopped giving my all in exams. Lost all the steam to push myself to complete assignments and study. I still do my work, it's just that my heart isn't there anymore. I'm tired. Aiya, I'm just too slack now. Haha.
Went back to church to help out in packing stuff with the younger ones. Being with them makes me feel old. Haha. Feel so lethargic, they all are on the go! and I'm like I all wanna do is sit down. I guess 2 yrs ago I was still like them. Now.... I really cannot liao. Aging prematurely. Darn. I shouldn't be so lethargic. Saw some of old photos and documents. Stuff that recorded who did chairshare and why they did them, attendance, blah, blah... It wasn't so much of nostalgia for me because I wasn't in the photos or documents, it was more of discovery, looking at how things were like and how they changed. Familiar faces of friends when they were younger, very cute leh! Hahaha.
God give me more energy to catch up with the younger ones and a renewed passion for my studies......

Taking a break and not doing anything

I am really sick. Woke up this morning feeling really exhausted even though I got enough sleep, couldn't bear to drag myself off to work. Well, anyway I am down with the usual flu which has been plaguing me since I don't know when. Even my Doc says that I've been down with flu too often and too frequently. Don't know what's up with my immune system, just a few days away at camp without vitamin C pills and I'm sick. How sad. My health is dependent on vitamin c pills.
Perhaps, with insufficient rest, staying out often makes me prone to falling ill. Even when I'm not at work I can't really be found at home. I'm always out these days for all sorts of reasons.
Friends, mum, church, work, etc...
Went out with the cell and ate some really sinful warm brownie and vanilla ice cream yesterday, maybe that's why i'm in this state now haha. Not that I regret, the brownie was worth it :) I'll probably just recover in a few days anyway.
Chewing with braces is literally such a pain. Have to chew really slowly... Because it really hurts to chew. Ouch, the price for beauty as Jason Ong puts it. Well, I guess the braces help me to eat less junk food. Have a craving for dessert from the dessert shop in Bugis.... Maybe I'll drop by this Friday. Heh heh. But, no chewing on gingko nuts :(

All the catchy titles flew out of my head

Back! Back from Port Dickson after a 4 day Church camp. This year's camp was not relaxing like the past years camps. Becoz it was combined with the other churches and the other churches were holding their youth camps, therefore everything was planned back-to-back. Everyday I fell into bed exahusted. Food was almost unedible, both water and electricity went off during the camp. But, in all in all I'm happy that I heard from God Himself, got to know more people better. Was rooming with Jun, Eliz and Joey. It was kinda weird, but the main point that they split us up into cell groups comprising of people from different churches. Joined the 11-14 yr olds, thank God for Zhi Han's company. Think I would have felt really alone if she wasn't there. I'm not going to say what God told me becoz it is too personal, but whatever He told me gave me comfort and direction.
I thought I lost weight.. But I didn't really lose much.. half a kg? Sigh. Oh well. This means that my healthy weight is around there.(And i'm not telling what my weight is!! Haha) Anything less or more means bad news. My lymph nodes hurt. Still kinda tired even though I didn't go to work today. Need my beauty sleep. Zzzzzz

I can't feel my teeth.

I've finally put on braces this Wednesday. Besides the abrasions on my lips and flesh, I can't really feel my teeth and I can't bite. Can't even really bite tofu. Haha.

Definitely didn't regret pigging out the week before, it's only been 2 days of eating soupy rice and I'm feeling really bored already. Besides, I still can eat ice cream :) BUT reaaaaaally slowly. Takes about 45 min to finish my soupy rice, porridge, etc...
Went for dance yesterday and it was fun!!! Doing a partner dance is very very very very difficult.... Well. At least for lindy hop, it's the guy who does all the leading. Girls don't really need to remember the steps, as long as the guy knows what and where he's going. Still, there's a need to coordinate with the guy. Looking at the pros dance makes me wish I knew how to dance more variations. They are so cool!!! OkOk.. Patience is a virtue. Haha. So far I only know how to turn with a partner and it's already very challenging.. Haha. I wanna cut the rug :p

I swear I'm heavier.

Pigging out at Breko

And that's not all. Actually we also ordered one bowl of soup, one apricot float and banana stacko which I ate before taking any photos as evidence of my gluttony.
Ate at Pizza Hut yesterday and today it is Brewerkz. Throw in a glass of beer, fish and chips, mutton, apple galette and chicken wings. Hmmm.. Eating like there's no tomorrow. I dare say I've spent close to a hundred bucks on food, just my own share alone.
Why?
Coz it's gonna be porridge from tomorrow onwards until maybe 1 plus week later? And kinda think braces will spoil my enjoyment for food. Or maybe it might actually make me want to eat more. Haha. I guess I'm overdoing it :p
Good thing is Thursday is gonna be the start of my dance lessons, though there's a slight problem. My leg hurts a little. Hopefully I'll be fine by then.

No more school for all.

The first week at work was.... tiring. I had so many things to learn and make sense of on my own and the only pleasure that I'm at least allowed during work is eating. Bought a whole lot of snacks to store in my drawer to make myself happy during work. I literally feel faint at work and I have no idea why. Lack of sugar?Lack of blood rushing to my brains? I don't know, but I almost fainted on Friday. My colleagues probably thought I was lazing at my desk when I was feeling sick.
My colleagues are pretty interesting too, from all walks of life and totally different from my friends. I'm kinda forced to make new friends. Well, at least my colleagues are friendly and they openly talk about themselves also. There's this girl who's younger than me, really pretty, full of attitude, I kinda admire her guts. She used to work at Kbox and told us some interesting stuff that goes on in Kbox. The jugs that contain beer or water that they serve at KBox are really disgusting because drunk patrons actually puke into the jugs in a fit of nausea. Plus, the people at Kbox aren't too keen on cleaning either, sometimes cups are really dirty that even my colleague also doesn't dare to use them. Well, call me anti-social, but I only really consider one colleague as a friend and she's Vegan Haha. So yup, been eating alot of veggies.
It's also the start of the June holidays, so actually screened The March of the Penguins for my sec 1s yesterday. It was abit slow, but at least they finished watching it. So much for trying to show something related to Science that's interesting. It was the most interesting thing!! If not what, show them the magic schoolbus?? Haha actually I LOVE the magic schoolbus. Maybe I'll do that the next time.
Got a last minute invitation to go crabbing with the secellites.. Considering how much I really don't want to go in this rainy weather I will. I've comitted to be a part of them, so yup. I'll go. Just wish that they wouldn't plan things so last minute, I was looking forward to lazing around the house and resting, doing my Masterlife series today.. Argh... BUsy, busy, busy, busy.... Don't even have time to read the book I borrowed from the library about Jim Elliot.... .... Help....

I'm back from crabbing. It was fun, sinking into the swamp and all, the stuff we caught. Crabs, Prawns, Clams, earthworms big and small. However, I think it would have been more fun if I were younger. It's not really my thing to go clam digging. But, it was fun :) Got to know the secell peeps more. Er.. However, I got a small, but deep cut. Not that it really hurts, but black stuff is stuck on the flesh of my foot. Tried scraping, flushing it out with water at home, but nothing works... How? It hurts after all I did to my foot. Really hope it doesn't get infected.... ....

Gaahhh! Accounts.

I'm beat from yesterday and today. It was fun hanging out with the guys (Jerry and Leon), never played arcade for sooo long before! 3 hrs! Yup, I'm sick of the arcade now :p Then we went cycling at East Coast. Apparently there's a newly built lift for wakeboarding and water skiing, sadly we didn't see anyone attempt to go up the ramp... And we were entertained by the people taking a dunk in the water... *evil* You guys are sick lah.. Traumatized big time. h-a h-a.

Work is crazy. I thought I was going for something brainless, but turned out that they want someone who can do accounts not just data entry alone. Argggghh. Which means I gotta learn how to do accounts from the scratch because I know nuts about accounting. Learnt quite alot of stuff today. Really hope my supervisor doesn't get pissed off at me for asking her so many questions.... ..... I feel really helpless. Annndd.. No FREE bread. :( I work at breadtalk and no free bread!!!!! What a tragedy..... I have to buy biscuits to feed myself during tea break.

The truth about dawn.

I seem tolerant, patient, calm, unaffected. But I'm not like that all the time, everywhere, with anyone. Realised that I need to be more encouraging and gracious towards other people. When someone does something wrong, what do I do? I suppose I nag, find faults instead of encouraging the person to do the right thing. Why is it so difficult to encourage someone to do the right thing??? I suppose it's because I am already annoyed with them and by determining what's right and wrong I guess I've already made some judgement upon them. I mean, yes, somethings are obviously wrong, but why did they do it?? What can I do to help them?? Obviously, the most helpful thing is to make them realise what they are doing is not beneficial to them. How, how, how??? I shouldn't be so swift in judging people.
I'm not very gracious because I nag too much, tend to harbour grudges sometimes too. I guess it's because I am just human and I need time, experiences and God's word to renew, refresh my parched attitudes.

Enjoying while there's still time

Was running about half of yesterday, went for a job interview, took Xrays for my teeth and met the guys for bible study.

God sure works in unimaginable ways, I got a job on the way to the interview, instead of after the interview. Jx helped me ask around, in fact I think she's far better than any job agency. She helped me get a job the last time also. I should be paying her comission man, it's the 2nd time she's helped me get a job already!! Haha. Anyway, it's gonna be data entry at breadtalk pte ltd for a month. Alas, no free bread. I also got an offer from the interview also, after accepting the job at breadtalk, some marketing job... Which isn't what I'm really looking for, but I guess it could have been fun. No regrets about data entry though. Pay's good, job is rather brainless and stress free. It's far easier money than being a food promoter at food fest in expo. 12 hrs on your feet is NO joke! Will be starting work on Monday. Finally! I can't stand bumming around anymore.

Taking Xrays for my teeth hurts less than getting the mould done. Blame it on the horrible sore on the side of my mouth, I swear it enlarges my mouth by causing it to split. Ouch.

Bible study for cell leaders turned out to be for replacement cell leaders. All the cell leaders couldn't make it, so we the 2nd-in-charge took over. It was a good time of discussion, learning about God's word and some fellowship. Wish someone more knowledgeable was there too, it would have been more reliable. Coz the questions were quite difficult to understand.

Will spend my last few days enjoying bumming, starting with a food spree this evening with Germ, before I put on the dang braces and it'll hurt to chew. Cycling with Jerry and his tutee at East Coast on Sunday, oughta take my mind off things. Before anyone rolls their mind into the gutter, there's NOTHING between him and me, never will be. We're just friends. (If you are reading this CHeryl!! I don't need to explain things further. I know you think it's weird.)

Love is..

Everything below is not written by me. (Big Discliamer!!) I just happened to read some stuff that intrigued me and here it is.
1st Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love is not as general as everyone assumes it to be. It's not the air we breathe, that's oxygen. Love is more like that shade of blue the sky gets on warm summer days, when you look up and the trees are outlined in its brilliance. It's there - but not everyone takes as much note of it as they should, and most everyone just doesn't understand how it can be so breathtaking. Love isn't what makes the world go round, that has a bit to do with gravity. Love is more like the warm puffs of breeze that rustle by in the fall, past faces and faces, only being noticed by a select few who keep their hearts open. Love isn't a warm tingly feeling in your stomach, that's adrenalin. Love is more like the sharp sensation when you inhale on bitterly cold winter mornings, that feels like ice ripping into your nasal passages. It's sharper and more unwieldy than most would like to admit. And love isn't the sound of the ocean in a seashell, that's the circulation of blood in your ears. Love is more like the tickle of a Spring flower against your nose when you're smelling it. It's subtle and often shadowed by the lustful scent of romance.
Love is… different.

I wish I could write like that. I love the author's analogy of love. Haha.

Went to the dentist just now to get a mould of my teeth. It hurt. Though it wasn't supposed to because I have this sore at the edge of my mouth and forcing my mouth open to get the mould in hurts. I realised that my mouth is really small. The dentist had to pry my mouth open. *ouch* Almost choked on the plaster she forced into my mouth too, what a way to die. "Girl chokes to death on plaster in dentist chair." The brackets (those shiny silver metal things) will be put on about 2 weeks later. Better enjoy eating while I can, before it really hurts to eat anything but porridge. I'll probably lose weight after putting on the braces too. Wonder if I can even talk properly.

Cashless Cow

What's the biggest problem during the hols? Hmmm.. I would say the lack of money to do the things that I wanna do. If I wanna take up classes, where's the money gonna come from? I doubt my parents will fork out money for me to take dance classes. So I've gotta pay for it and who's gonna pay for the meals I'm gonna eat outside and the excessive shopping?? Me. Yup, so a holiday job is a necessary evil. Highlighted my hair brown today, thank god Mum paid for it. Initially, I wanted to bleach streaks of my hair and then dye it purple. But kinda chickened out, coz I wanted to look unique not weird. Yup. No purple streaks. :(
I need a job to shop, eat and enjoy the hols. Can't rot at home all the time.
Went to the job agency today, seems promisng and I got this dubious job interview tomorrow that's waaaay too formal for my tastes. Hopefully, I can get an internship with IBN.

I'm FREE!!!

Alright, I've gained freedom to do almost whatever I please for the next 3 mths provided that there's enough cash to do them. Which means I have to get a job. Alright any kind soul out there who has a job to recommend and think it's suitable for lil' ole me drop me a msg or something alright? I can't stand having NOTHING to do. For now, I'll enjoy myself playing SIMS till my eyes fall out and finally go visit the dentist and trim my overgrown, out-of-shape hair that hasn't been trimmed since errrm CNY? Hee. ALright, I am trying to grow my hair long ok.
I don't want to think about the results at all. PLS DO NOT MENTION the word results in front of me.
As of now, I am hungry at 1.46 am in morning. I ate enough for dinner and I'm STILL hungry.. Argh. FREEDOM!!!!

Feeling lightheaded and sleepy.. Whee! HAhaha

Finished 208. Virology. Surprisingly it went better than I thought, probably even better than 207. Felt that I could have done better for 207. Yup thank God for keeping me sane thus far, despite the crazy amounts of infomation I have to memorise!!!! Which kinda explains why I feel lightheaded after the exams. Hmm? Unloaded everything on the papers. Ask me next time what I studied and I'll go ??? That's life in uni.
I have this urge to run to the nearest KTV and sing my lungs out. I don't know why. Only thing I can lament about KTV is how weird it is to sing English songs in KTV. It's the MTV with all the scenery and skimpy 'ang moh' models that makes me wanna laugh more than sing anything. Anyone wants to go after the 3rd of May??? Cher!! (If you are reading this) I don't care! Next time you are back in SG, we cuzzies are gonna go Kbox at least once, even though I know you'll be super busy.
Suffering from sleep withdrawal symptom now, thanks to the not very peaceful sleep. Flitting in and out of consciousness. Perhaps it's that rattling skeleton in my closet that's keeping me up. Alright, no more skeletons. Heading off to catch some Zzzzzs then mug more tonight for.... 209. That crazy, overdemanding module.
Kinda CRAVE playing Sims too. I lost my original Sim CD and downloaded a free one off limewire, only problem is I can't add new objects to the game. Bummer. Hope I get my Sims 2 soon.

Where's the light at the end of the tunnel?

Where's the sunshine after the rain? HAha alright, I'll stop being so dramatic. Been trying to mug for Immune for the past few days, not very successful though. Ended up playing Sims, Roller Coaster Tycoon, surfing the Net.... Alright, I did devote about 5-6 hours of studying everyday, but why do I feel that I'm not doing enough??! 8hrs spent sleeping, 3 hrs spent munching, 5-6 hrs studying annnnd 7-8 hrs to rrreeeelaaaxx?! Argh.... Shouldn't it be the other way round?
Other than that, I think I'm pretty apathetic to things happening. Seems like I don't care enough. Somehow, I feel too weary to care. If you knew someone was dying what would you do? Even if you don't the person personally. Haven't really been praying enough for the people around me, or for myself for that matter.
My mind keeps wandering to places that shouldn't be visited and my emotions are unbalanced. I keep asking myself why I feel this way and kinda realised that I'm envious. Envious of what? I'm envious of people who are surrounded by friends 24/7, well except for sleeping time. When I think about such people, I feel really lonely. Sorry I guess this sounds kinda sick. Why can't I be like that too?? Go out in the morning, work, play until wee hrs in the morning, head home. concuss in bed and it's the next day again. I don't know what I'm trying to escape from here. Perhaps just the overwhelming loneliness I feel.

AWOL

I can't rememeber the last time I updated.. So I'm either having memory loss or it's because I really haven't updated for a long time. Came upon something today, gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling after reading it. It was a book of bestfriends coupons, chuckled while reading it. Does it sound familiar to you? Hope it does. See you soon bestfriend!! Missed ya.

Am I mugging or ??

Spent 6 straight hours mugging today. Will be back to more mugging after this break from 6 plus to 10 plus?? I feel quite tired actually, just want to plonk into bed and zzzzz...... Been listening to many songs thanks to limewire, but then... I hate the pop-ups!!! It's so irritating. That's the repercussions of using such programs. Prefer getting cds... But... I'm poor. Have to really like the songs in the CD before I can buy it. Cheryl recommended rachael yamagata. She's really good! Somehow I'm feeling rather contented. :)

L.I.F.E at NTU

Is made more bearable with friends, aka fellow sufferers in BS. I've finished my 2nd last lab report today, one more to go on Thursday. More hardship to come this month. Argh. Sometimes, I really think I'm really dumb. On my way to being a bimbo. Maybe I should bleach my hair? Hmmmm? *blink**blink**smile* Being in uni has made me dumb. :'(

Let's do the hustle!

Jac, Candice & Moi @ Cher & Fel's 21st!

Another weekend, another week passed. Been super duper busy, didn't do any revision last weekend at all. Hai. It's my fault, I know. 2 more weeks to exams... ... Argh... I'm so dead. Went to Fel and Cher's birthday party, went on an 11km hike at Macritchie and food trail. Woah. It's really time to sit down and study. I wonder if I am growing fatter. Hm....

Seems like it will never end.

I am exasperated with the neverending lab reports. Need time to revise for my exams! Argh.. I'm starting to think that my life is really unglam. Hur hur. Which probes me think what am I really living for? Hm.. I do admit that I want a glam life. So what's a glam life? Famous somebody? Alright, maybe not famous, but happening. I am starting to wonder what else am I good at other than my *ahem* not so fantastic studies. When I was 6 (i think), I wanted to become a pianist and perform on stage, heh but I was no child prodigy. I suppose I lacked the focus, you know child prodigies are very focused at what they like. Me? I can't even play anything on the piano now. Then, there was the cello. Haven't played it for years, forgotten all the basics. I feel so hopelessly stupid. Besides playing any instrument, there was also this fantasy about being a lawyer. Other than watching them debate, I didn't know what else they did. You know the glam stuff on TV... ...
Really wondering if this is the kind life I want. Graduate and try to go on to do a phD and then research in the lab for the rest of my life. Maybe discover something and in the process be so alone. I see my professors eating alone during lunch everyday, they don't really seem to talk to each other for fear of leaking out their research. It feels so lonely... I wanted to be a doctor, be surrounded by people, to be able to care for people. But, there seems to be no way to be one. I hate being alone. Every year I ask myself the same question. What do I want???
I feel that I'm being carried away, further and further away from everyone. Maybe one day when I talk, no one can understand what I say anymore.