Let's do the hustle!

Jac, Candice & Moi @ Cher & Fel's 21st!

Another weekend, another week passed. Been super duper busy, didn't do any revision last weekend at all. Hai. It's my fault, I know. 2 more weeks to exams... ... Argh... I'm so dead. Went to Fel and Cher's birthday party, went on an 11km hike at Macritchie and food trail. Woah. It's really time to sit down and study. I wonder if I am growing fatter. Hm....

Seems like it will never end.

I am exasperated with the neverending lab reports. Need time to revise for my exams! Argh.. I'm starting to think that my life is really unglam. Hur hur. Which probes me think what am I really living for? Hm.. I do admit that I want a glam life. So what's a glam life? Famous somebody? Alright, maybe not famous, but happening. I am starting to wonder what else am I good at other than my *ahem* not so fantastic studies. When I was 6 (i think), I wanted to become a pianist and perform on stage, heh but I was no child prodigy. I suppose I lacked the focus, you know child prodigies are very focused at what they like. Me? I can't even play anything on the piano now. Then, there was the cello. Haven't played it for years, forgotten all the basics. I feel so hopelessly stupid. Besides playing any instrument, there was also this fantasy about being a lawyer. Other than watching them debate, I didn't know what else they did. You know the glam stuff on TV... ...
Really wondering if this is the kind life I want. Graduate and try to go on to do a phD and then research in the lab for the rest of my life. Maybe discover something and in the process be so alone. I see my professors eating alone during lunch everyday, they don't really seem to talk to each other for fear of leaking out their research. It feels so lonely... I wanted to be a doctor, be surrounded by people, to be able to care for people. But, there seems to be no way to be one. I hate being alone. Every year I ask myself the same question. What do I want???
I feel that I'm being carried away, further and further away from everyone. Maybe one day when I talk, no one can understand what I say anymore.

The separation of the mind and body.

I'm typing now and I'm physically at home, but obviously my heart is somewhere else. Been staying at home to do my work or else I was in school. Well, short of getting lost in NUS again yesterday when I went in search of Yl to get my chem notes. Yup, other than that I've been slogging over 2 lab reports and tutorials, not forgetting that I keep dozing off during lectures this week. I keep feeling that I haven't gotten enough sleep, but I feel so awake at night! I should force myself to sleep by 10.30pm. The last time I really went out was Sunday. Should I be proud of myself? Still , I haven't been very productive and I'm getting quite kan cheong especially when I look at my notes and don't understand more than half of it. I AM SO DEAD!!!! I have no idea what the lecturers want this semester. Thanks to all the mumbling. They should really go for speech lessons, or get a better microphone. Argh.
Reprinted this particular lab report 3 times... Made changes till I lost count. I realised that I have no idea what I've been doing for my reports, or rather I can't remember. My brain feels like it's wrapped in cotton or should I say it feels like soup? I NEED A BREAK. Let me study and know what I'm studying.
Besides that I have fantasies about enjoying beancurd and you tiao at Yong He. Throw in durian too. *Drool* And I wanna go to this Cantonese cafe... WHen?!!!?

Normalcy

I'm finally doing what students are supposed to do. i.e. tutorials, lab reports and projects. Sometimes, life seems to be better off when it's all about work. At least, work is still under my control? To a larger extent I suppose.
I couldn't make it for SCCC and I'm wondering if I should have went because now I really cannot gauge if I can actually serve in secell. I doubt I could have spent much time there even if I went, 2-3 hrs? I really pray things will work out eventually...
Had a great time last week meeting up with my dear friends. Sheena, Teng and Yl. Nothing fanciful, just sat in KFC at Braddell reminiscing about old times and catching up with AWOL Yl. It doesn't really matter where we met, there'll always be this common bond that we shared, same experiences, those long gone loony moments. I miss them. Things can never go back though, we're all changed people, we were this way for a while and then gone. Even I am different. But, my fondness for them and those JC years still and will remain. Perhaps, one day I'll say the same about my uni life.
It's going to be all about work this week. I've had enough.

Life is strange.

I've been having alot of difficulty blogging about what I've been up to. Not that I've been up to anything... Been quite shaken by the thoughts I'm capable of thinking. Makes me want to be left alone.
Went to watch Munich. I liked it more than I thought, so did my friend. It was a dark, thought provoking movie featuring the never ending feud between the Arabs and Jews. Endless, senseless killing massacares. Well, it was pretty gory, a good reason why it was M18. Had to figure out the plot while watching, it wasn't a light show to watch, required some thinking. It starts with the killing of the terrorists and their hostage of 11 Israeli athletes. I give it 4 out of 5 stars. :)