2 more days to the new year

School's starting soon. Don't really like the new timetable because lessons start at 8.30am and end as late as 5.30pm.. Not going to take any electives this semester since I've already completed all the units required for electives. So au revoir francise. Don't expect it to be a more relaxing semester although there are only 5 modules. Besides school, I've got tuition to teach and new responsibilities in church. Life for the next 6 months.
YEP is on Saturday, been asked share my testimony on how I came to Christ. There's nothing dramatic about how I accepted Christ into my life, things happened gradually. I did not face resistance from my parents, things fell into place. But, life as a Christian has been a tumultous one, it's exactly like running a marathon. Sometimes, my lungs feel like they're going to burst, but I have to continue the race.

Merry Christmas!

Performed outside Takashimaya on Friday, half an hour of carolling sure can pass by really fast! Didn't even feel like it was over. I don't know why, but something is missing this Christmas or is it different? The lights down Orchard Rd don't hold too much appeal to me anymore, the hustle and bustle due to Christmas shopping seems disconnected from my life. Like I am not part of it anymore. This is also the 1st time in many years I am spending Christmas eve at home, usually I probably be out. When I was younger, it was always with my parents at St. Andrew's cathedral's midnight mass. For the past few years, it has been dinner at my aunt's or hanging out with friends till wee hours in the morning. Christmas day is the day to get concussed. Or rather, I suppose I don't need much sleep nowadays. I desire sleep but sometimes it doesn't come easily. Perhaps drowning myself in work has taken away all my expectations for Christmas.
Of course, I musn't forget that this is the day that Christ our Saviour is born. That is something to celebrate!!

4 days flew by.

4 days of being a camp group leader has taught me many things and how I can improve. I can't help but admit that I am socially challenged. Seriously have to learn how to play more ice breakers and how to interact with people without stressing myself out, which results in mental blocks. My behaviour goes funny when I'm stressed and that's not good!!! I'm sure some of my grp members found me slightly off the kilter at times.
Thank you God for being there and blessing my group members individually, that each of us went home refreshed and with renewed fervor for You despite all that had happened during the camp. There were ups and downs. All I can say is that I would have been much worse off if I hadn't surrendered and kept asking Him, "How? What should I do now Lord? How can I bless my group members??"The thought of asking and seeking God did not come to me initially and this made me realise how self-reliant I was, how much I was using my own strength to accomplish tasks. What I based my self-worth on. If people are not pleased by what I do or didn't do, I will feel that I am inferior. But, God doesn't want me to please people, He wants me to please Him and this doesn't mean pleasing people for the sake of them liking me. This was a tough lesson for me to understand as it's been pretty confusing to differentiate between the 2 sometimes. Sometimes, decision making is a pain to me, especially when it involves other people. There's this over-whelming fear that the wrong decision will result in embarrasment or hurting the other person.
Things that have lost their meaning over the years have regained their meaning again, if not even more. The words hit me so hard that I reached another level of worshipping God altogether. It truly is much better to give than to receive. I wish I could give even more, but I feel so limited. I have to learn how to trust God and not to keep a death-grip on the way I run my life. Meaning that I shouldn't be so adamant about things and the possible outcomes. As we played the games, attended the sessions, worshipped God and carried on with other activities, things I thought which would never work out broke down right before my eyes. I've gotten some solutions and I can't wait to learn about even more solutions that I can find from the Bible.
Things are not going to be easy and I pray that I will be able to apply what has been taught to me.
There were times I felt like breaking down and there were times when I thought only of myself, those were the times when I felt so weak that I was ready to throw in towel and forget about everything. Especially when God what was dealing with things that I couldn't let go of.

Away for 4 days!

Camp's today! Won't be back till it's Monday. Hope I'll survive... ... Tired even b4 camp starts that's not a good sign. Got my voice back, but still sick.. Should I visit the doc again? Is it neccessary? Don't want to eat any more antibiotics. Pray that I'll be able to take care of others...

Please oh please pray for me

My voice is still taking a vacation in Phuket and has left me speechless. Jac insists that I sound like Ronald Weasley and gets entertained by me saying, "Bloody Hell!" I guess that's the only good thing that came out of this sore throat. I'm pretty entertained by my voice too, if not for the upcoming christmas choir and youth camp.
DOUBTS. I really wanna minister to others, but somehow I am not filled with the Spirit. How can I minister to others when I, myself am not able to listen and follow instructions from the Holy Spirit? I fear that whatever I say will sound shallow and meaningless to others. Why am I not filled???
Perhaps it's not that I am not filled, it's because I have to many things on my mind that I am deaf to the Spirit's calling. Like what?? I've got tuition stuff to prepare, which I must do by at least Thursday. My throat is still very bad, how to lead my group like that??! (and the camp is on Friday.) Worried that I cannot minister well enough to my group members because I'm so unsure if it's the Spirit leading or my own human wisdom. 2 other personal issues annnnd my results for this sem are coming out soon! This week or the next. Didn't fare very well this semester, was pretty careless during the exams. I feel like I have done some kind of injustice to myself if I get bad grades. Getting bad grades, will affect alot of things. E.g.: The honours, the exchange programme, my career and the list goes on... No need to elaborate.
I feel helpless. There's only so much I can do and why do I even feel more stressed than during the exams??! It's odd. The only thing I can do now is to commit every single thing to God and pray that He will have grace and mercy on me. Please pray for me. Arghhh. 疯了。

Hardly home these days.

I've officially fallen ill. Had to visit the doctor today. Was so uncomfortable that I woke up at 2am to throw a flu tablet into my ulcerated mouth and I lost my voice. Singing's out, therefore no choir practice for me today. I wonder how am I going to catch up... I wonder how is Cheryl faring in Paris.. Hope she's fine because we're both so sick.
Felt unrestrained and free in Phuket, like I was a born beach bum. Or maybe just bum. Haha. Because I spent quite a fair bit indoors, instead of outdoors tanning. Wore beach gear that I won't wear in Sg, for example a white spaghetti top. Perhaps I haven't gotten over being a beach bum yet, wearing jeans and covered shoes seem uncomfortable. Drank oversized cocktails at a mere price of 6 buckaroos. Tell me, where can you get such cocktails in Sg? Still, I'm slightly disappointed that I'm not as tanned as I would like to be and didn't get to shop as much as I hoped to. Will blog more about Phuket with the pictures.
Life's like a colour palette to me. Except the paints are all mixed up to produce different hues. I've dark grays, blue, bright red, orange, etc... Point is everything is mixed up!!! I am big contradiction myself.

Back from Phuket!

Left Singapore for Phuket on Monday morning. Reached the airport at 12am in the morning when our flight was 7am!!! Felt kind of depressed having to leave my home so early in the morning. Well, it's my fault. If I had insisted on taking a taxi or staying over at Cheryl's, I wouldn't have felt this way. In case you wondering why there are no pictures... I haven't got them yet. Have to wait till Cheryl's back from Europe before I'll meet up with her again and currently I don't feel too well... I left Sg feeling fluish and poor Cheryl caught the flu in Phuket...
Phuket.. is. kinda of boring. Then again, we did some fun stuff! The most exciting part of the trip was visiting Phi Phi Islands (Pronounced as Pee Pee). Went snorkelling with the colourful fishies, deep sea swimming and... Swam at the beach where they filmed, "The Beach" starring Leonardo DiCaprio. That beach was BEAUTIFUL!!! For once I really understood what it meant by deep blue sea after spending half a day in a speed boat out in the blue waters of the Andaman Sea. The water was so clear that you can see the sea bed and corals! Unfortunately it started raining when we reached that beach, but we still played and swam in the heavy rain. No wonder that we're sick. The currents in the sea were pretty strong too.
We stayed at sleazy Patong in Phuket.. Didn't snap any photos of the sleazy places, even boat quay, mohamed sultan combined is much less sleazy than what I've seen. You don't have to walk into the club, bar, pub to see the sleaze. Just walk along the streets. There are 3 streets filled with them. Transvestites, prostitutes and pole dancing galore. The place screamed, "Sex!"
Even Patong beach in the day is infested by vendors who sell souvenirs, drinks and offers of parasailing, jet-skiing and renting beach chairs. Been asked a million times if we wanted to go jet-skiing while tanning. Annnd maybe because we are uniquely Asian girls (Phuket is filled with Ang Mohs btw), the Thai guys on the beach flirted shamelessly with us... I felt kind of uncomfortable with this sort of attention. So much for peace and quiet. Ha. If a guy had went along with us, I think things would have been different.
Feeling tired. Will continue blogging soon... Can't wait to get the photos.

Officially declaring that I'm out of this freakin' world.

Realised that the passage into adulthood is not an easy rite. Lines that used to define what was right or wrong are now blurred or maybe I have never really questioned the values that were taught to me for the past 20 years. Which leads to the question of are some things really wrong? A simple example. Smoking is neither right nor wrong. But, from my point of view it's wrong. Before you smokers out there jump down my throat let me explain where I'm coming from. To me... Our bodies are temples for God. Knowing that smoking is harmful and addictive, I'm defiling my body= defiling God's temple? Same goes to other stuff that destroys/defiles the body. Ok... Once I was asked what about BBQed food? Isn't it carbon filled and carcinogenic (cancer causing)? Ah, then Dawn ah why you still eat ah? Alright. BBQ food is not toxic if it's not purposely burnt and eaten excessively ok? The amount we eat is insufficient to cause your cells to behave weirdly. Please lah. In that case, don't use shampoo lah! Shampoo also probably contains alot of carcinogens.
There's no absolute answer in this dynamic world. Bit my tongue countless times to stop myself from passing narrow-minded judgements. But, sometimes I fail. I suppose if you share the same perspective that our bodies are God's temple, then perhaps you can understand. Because smoking and a whole lot of other things used to be pretty neutral as long as they don't harm others and whether we harm ourselves is our own business. Until I really knew Him. Therefore, I will try my best, or rather, must not do anything that defiles God's temple. My life is not mine. So to speak.