It never rains but pours.

It's rather sad that my 3 month old Zen player has spoilt. The FM radio has NO reception even when the player is in open field. Sigh. 2-3 weeks without my player, how am I gonna live without any music??!! Well, I could do without the FM radio, but why shortchange myself when I've got 1 yr warrenty, after all i bought the player over ipod because it has radio and voice recorder. So.. Yea..A little pain for a good cause.
But I am sad.... No music... :'(
Starting to look at winter clothes too. Took this picture in the winter clothes shop. Found it quite cute. Hehe. The hat can keep my ears warm.


Played host to Shalom's friends on Sunday, it was fun getting to know new people. Janice said that I look 15... Hahahaha. If only. Hope that they'll drop by again to visit soon. Oh well, school starts again. At least I've finished typing my CV by cutting, pasting and adding new information. Wonder what Bose will write about me... He's a really nice prof though, not all profs will write a testimonial for you.

We finally went for Nokia Starlight Cinema!! Was it romantic. Haha. But, the movie? Not. We went on horror night, the movie on Tuesday was Darkwater (English version). The ghost looked rather human in our opinion, not like the Jap movie ghosts. Some parts were rather scary, even though we were sitting in an open field. Hey! It was dark alright? Haha. Could hardly see what we were eating. Each of us contributed to the potluck. Ereen was the best! She got us pizza! Hahaha. Tim and Isaiah brought curry and sardine puffs respectively. There was kueh, samosas and more.. I got cheesy curry chicken and calamari from fish and chippy express, but by the time we started munching they were all soggy.. :( Not that nice anymore. Sharon came but she had to leave early though.

Out there in the field.
More photos @
http://ntu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=172&id=227800168&l=41e80

Other than that... I've been climbing the hill everyday to the office to settle my application to GT... Very good exercise. Not that I did want to in this horrible haze. Stepped out of amtech after ESL meeting today and I felt like I was in some fog infested place, but the fog smelt burnt of course and gave me a sore throat. Sigh.. What's going in Indonesia?! I wish they would stop burning trees. Can't wait for the smog to go away. Wonder if I'll leave before the smog or will the smog leave first? Hopefully, the 2nd option happens.

Big spender.

So many things to do!!! Aaaaaah!!! But, I'm not accomplishing much. Blogging is one way to escape. :P
Went down to Chinatown to look for good travel deals to Hong Kong today with Gie and Yammie. After going to a couple of agencies in the same building the flat rate for HK is around 600++ .... Which is ex. So, we didn't book tickets for HK. Instead, we booked tickets for Taiwan! Which also amounted to 625. Oh man, I feel so guilty. Parents aren't exactly happy. Taiwan seems like a better deal as the hotel rooms are relatively cheaper and we get more value for money. Yea... Still... Ouch. Just went to Bangkok not very long ago... Probably spent close to 600 also... Yikes. Wonder how much I'll spend this time??? The main point of going there is to get some winter wear, which I maybe able to find in Taiwan in that season? Not forgetting that I still have to get tickets, that'll cost 2000+ to fly to Atlanta in Jan. Hai. Really. Broke. My 21st birthday is coming, anyone care to buy me an airticket? Hehe..
Still, I am very EXCITED to go to Taipei!!!! Hahahahahahahaha... Shilin here I come! Can't wait for Dec to come around. I'll be doing quite alot travelling for the next 1/4 of the year. So cool! Taiwan, US and Canada. Think my nightmare will come after my exchange, no more travelling until I settle down in a stable job. Which hopefully, by God's grace, be in a research lab. I sure can hope, can I?
Was sending an email to a prof just now, was wondering where my CV was and stumbled on some old personal statements I've written. Found them seriously cheesy. I'm comforted that my writing now is probably less chessy and more brief. No wonder Germ can't stand me sometimes, coz she hates cheese.
1 practical, 2 tutorials, 1 assignment and countless readings to do... Tell me where to start...

Maybe unattached and unwanted this Dec.

Yet to be attached to a lab this Dec holidays, so all scientists out there, I'm up for grabs! I'll make your gels and run them, make buffers for free!!! In return for working experience in the lab and to catch a glimpse at your interesting experiments. Ok.. I really wish to go to the lab this Dec before school starts again.
Oh no. I can't really recall what I've been doing this week. This is how busy I am. Ok.. I went for dance and my classmates except for Boon all flew my aeroplane. Almost died doing the scissors...How I miss them.
On Friday, went for ESL and surprised Mel at the MRT station. Haha. OCX was funny, flapping out infront of Mel like that.. Haha.
Sat was Secell's 1st ML!! And we used the new church building in Amtech. It's nicely renovated, from an empty warehouse to 3 halls and 6 rooms. Much bigger than what we used to have.
Sun. Church and dinner with the family. We (Geraldine, Cheryl, Karen and me) trooped to Huijun's house for lunch after service. Her mum and aunt were very nice, very hospitable!! Quite embarrassed coz we went over at the last minute, however there was more than enough food! Huijun's house has a really nice view and her block of apartments isn't the run-of-the-mill HDB flats. Very different. Dad treated Uncle Steven for dinner at the Sze Chuan restaurant at Seletar Hills.. Really spicy... No complaints about the durian pudding though :D

In some kind of mood.

This poem by James Fenton kinda appealed to me, this isn't my work (disclaimer!)

Nothing

I take a jewel from a junk shop tray,
And wish I had a love to buy it for.
Nothing I choose will make you turn my way,
Nothing I give you will make you love me more

I know that I’ve embarrassed you too long,
And I’m ashamed to linger at your door.
Whatever I embark on will be wrong,
Nothing I do will make you love me more.

I cannot work. I cannot read or write.
How can I frame a letter to implore.
Eloquence is a lie. The truth is trite,
Nothing I say will make you love me more.

So I replace the jewel in the junk shop tray
And laughingly pretend I’m far too poor.
Nothing I give, nothing I do or say,
Nothing I am will make you love me more.

Ok.. More stuff...
The Heart Of The Matter by Don Henley
I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness

Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined...
People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, Baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out,
I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
ForgivenessEven if, even if you don't love me anymore
There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
ForgivenessEven if, even if you don't love me anymore
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgivenessForgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

Stories, it's all there in the stories

Graduated from Lindy 2! Haha. Apparently, Lindy 3 is going to be more of variation and improvisations that will largely depend on me, rather then being taught basic rigid steps. Sounds so artsy fartsy... But, that's how it is. Improvisation is definitely fun-ner considering that we already know the basics. Which also means I can choose not to go for lessons every week. At the moment, I think I still can go for lessons, but once October rolls by.... I can kiss lindy hop good bye. :'( Wonder if GT has lindy hop?
Finally watched Forbidden City on Friday, Jas bought the 2nd cheapest tics, which weren't cheap at all.... As expected, the stage was still kinda small...
Itsy bitsy props.
Couldn't see any of their faces on stage, was trying to spot my dance instructor on stage. I guess she was there, coz I heard her voice. I'm really happieee that I finally got to watch the musical, although I have the soundtrack, but watching it is a whole different story. I can really feel the emotions (anger, joy, despair, etc..) behind each song and piece the whole story together. Could kinda piece the story together by listening to the soundtrack, but there were a few missing parts, so watching the real thing gives it new meaning. The SSO was fantastic! It wouldn't have been as nice without them playing. Went over to Jazz @ South bridge after a dinner at Mc's... Yea. Mc's... Heh. Some expats were jamming and boy were they good! The saxaphone and bass took turns to play solo. They best part is.... thay played impromtu. So cool. Enjoyed listening to them play, definite ear candy.
And. I am still sick. My throat is dying. Went to the doc's, got more medicine today and turned up for Candice's Bday dinner. HAha. :p Was raining heavily today, instead of steamboat, it became buffet. Proceeded to chill at Giraffe's.. Been chilling out too much man... Which reminds me... What am I gonna do for my 21st??? I am a lazy pok.

Singapore Dreaming

Courtesy of Jason Tay, we (Karen, Daniel, Phillip, Arjun, Isaiah, Matz and I) got free tics to attend the gala premier for the local movie, "Singapore Dreaming". Thought it was gonna be another Jack Neo-type kind of show. But, nope it was better than I expected. Guess because the producer wasn't Jack Neo this time round? Heheh. Woffles Woo (infamous plastic surgeon), Woo Yen Yen and Colin Goh. This proves that being a doctor doesn't stop you from doing other stuff also. I mean heck, I've got a rocker lecturer who jammed at the same club as U2.
Well.. Anyway, the plot was, pretty run-of-the-mill, about 5Cs... But, seriously what else is the general population interested in other than the 5Cs??? Perhaps this explains why our plots can only go this far. Kinda identified with 2 characters. (What to do? I'm a typical Singaporean wat. Maybe not exactly that general. ) The elder sister and the guy's girlfriend. I guess I'm the sort of person who will give up everything for someone she loves. Even if it means getting hurt in the end. I guess she had suspicions that her boyfriend was stringing her along, but I guess when you really love someone you just want to give the person your best. You choose to practice selective vision even if you know that person does you wrong. Anyways, I thank God that I haven't met anyone as horrible as that guy in the movie. Yep, that guy was really horrible to the point of cruelty.

Colin Goh, Woo Yen Yen & Woffles Woo @ the
end of the show.

Feeling weaker everyday

It hasn't been an idyllic week. There's a mountain of work and I really don't know where to start this time. It's the 5th of week of school and I've yet to attend 1 plant lecture this sem. This is VERY bad. I did wake up in time, but felt that my day was going to be so long that I fell right back into bed again. Lately, I keep feeling that the day just goes on and on, activities keep lining up right one after another, there's never an end to anything.
I came down with fever on Tuesday night and the aches kept me up the whole night. Started hallucinating that I was in neurobio tute and the prof was asking me questions. Could remember the chim questions and how I couldn't answer them and how the prof was spewing out all the ans. Neurobio is making me neurotic. Keep missing the 8.30am lessons because I feel so tired.
It's only the 5th week!!!! I've never been this messed up in uni before. Guess it's a 3rd year thingy. I've been warned by my friends anyway, just couldn't imagine that things will be this bad.
Many people, events and circumstances bog me down. I feel pressured and tied down. Other than God, there doesn't seem to be anyplace or person that I really want to run to now. I can't seem to find solace anywhere. Being in school reminds me of certain things, being with certain people remind of other things... The best part is, I feel that I'm not close enough to Him. No time to talk to Him because I'm too busy doing other stuff.
Can't say the whole week was one big doozy. There were happier stuff too! Must say that Thursday was the best day, today isn't that bad too. Went for dance (love dancing) and met the snackies later to chill out at cozy canopy. Stocked with lotsa snacks for lects now! Haha And Matz gave each of us a personalized door hanger. Snackies rule!!!! Today because of the company and dinner :) Yummy toast.
I left the cashcard with 10++ dollars in the photocopier machine again. 2nd time this has happened.... Heartache...

Snackies @ Cozy Canopy

Can't tell the difference between night and day

Woo. I've slept 8 hrs after coming back from cycling and I'm wide awake now. Feels as though I'm suffering from jet lag. It'll be cool f I could lay my hands on some melatonin now and the only way is to extract it from some other human brain. Hehehe.. Ok.. I sound mad.
Buttaches. Strangely, my legs aren't hurting.
I've been busy, busy, busy, busy...... Not even going for tuition tomorrow because I need to rest and settle my own work. Which I doubt can ever be finished, yet they must be. Really glad that Wy is willing to take over my classes, hope my kids won't scare her off. Though I will have less to spend.. I think it's worth it. I need to rest. Speculating with Candice and Angie if we could go to Hong Kong during the Christmas break, hopefully we will be able to get a job in the lab that will finance this little shopping getaway. Haven't really told mum about my intentions because I've just travelled to Bangkok like a month ago, don't think she'll be very pleased to know about me travelling again.
I guess my emotions are more settled now, but occasionally it goes off the kilter when I remember things or when unbidden thoughts float across. Despite everything, I miss the old days. Nobody can ever replace anybody I suppose. Feeling rather helpless over the internal struggle to forgive and forget versus hanging on to the hurt.
Last cell lunch tomorrow, Matz's cell is evolving. I really hope one day I can be as close to my cell members just as we've been as close.