Raindrops keep fallin' on my head

Somehow, the cloud of depression still hangs over my head.. Don't ask me why. I would like to know the reason too. I just overreact at times. But, the cloud's shrinking which is good thing. I just have to learn how to 'tune out' like what Matz says.
Played 'lightbulb' for Germ, at least now I can put a face to the person she talks about constantly. Haha. Had a great time with them, went for dinner at cineleisure and went to watch Madagascar. Germ's treat. As I was too broke to watch a movie on weekends...Was really funny. Especially when Alex the lion started to hallucinate and think that everyone looked like talking steaks. I'll treat you back next time Germ! Thanks, the movie and company helped cheer me up :)

Went to collect specs today. Met Leb for lunch in the CBD area, which was weird. Because he was wearing his green army uniform. You don't see soldiers strolling around Chinatown on a Monday afternoon do you? Went home after that since I couldn't think of anywhere else I could go and I couldn't tag along.
Went out again in the evening with Cheryl back from Down Under. She's leaving again for HK soon. We walked around, ate delicious crayfish pasta at Coffee Club Express. Went shopping, more of browsing for me. Haha. So glad she's back :) We can hang out together again! No longer separated by continents. K-lunch here we come! Haha.
Jodie's born today! Thank God for the smooth delivery! Something to be happy about :)

Roaccutane--Isoretinoin + Farewell

Data Summary:
Some of the serious adverse event reports FDA has received regarding isotretinoin include birth defects and psychiatric effects (i.e., suicide ideation and suicide). Isotretinoin is a well established teratogen. Although causality has not been established for isotretinoin and psychiatric events, the following information is important to consider:
Preclinical and neuroimaging data suggest that isotretinoin produces behavioral effects (i.e. activation) in rats, impairment of neuronal division in the murine hippocampus, and reductions in orbitofrontal brain metabolic rates in humans. This preclinical and neuroimaging data may suggest biological plausibility for the suspected psychiatric adverse events associated with isotretinoin.
From isotretinoin’s initial marketing in 1982 through August 2004, 4,992 spontaneous reports of psychiatric disturbances associated with using isotretinoin in patients in the United States have been submitted to the FDA.
The number of reported suicides among isotretinoin users in the United States was 190 through January 2005. Between 1982 and 2002, there were 165 reported suicides, which were fewer than the 220 predicted based on U.S. vital statistics data. However, because the degree of under-reporting of suicides is unknown, the fact that the reported number is lower than the predicted number cannot be interpreted as evidence against a causal association.

All patients treated with isotretinoin should be observed closely for symptoms of depression or suicidal thoughts and referred to a specialist if necessary.
All patients should be informed to discontinue isotretinoin, and inform his/her healthcare professional right away if any of the following happens:
- Start to feel sad or have crying spells
- Lose interest in activities once enjoyed
- Sleep too much or have trouble sleeping
- Become more irritable, angry, or aggressive than usual (for example, temper outbursts, thoughts of violence)
- Have a change in appetite or body weight
- Have trouble concentrating
- Withdraw from family or friends
- Experience loss of energy
- Experience feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt
- Start having thoughts of self-harm, or suicide
Discontinuation of the drug may not be sufficient; psychiatric evaluation and further intervention may be necessary.
Physicians are reminded that isotretinoin is marketed with a risk management plan to reduce fetal exposure to the drug. The goals of the program are that no woman should be given isotretinoin if she is pregnant and that no pregnancy should occur while a woman is taking isotretinoin.

I have just seen the dermatologist for my pimples. I was quite aghast by the price. $320! Yep. Anyway, I was intrigued by the drug Roaccutane. It's extremely vitamin A rich and costs $6 per pill. :) So, I went to search more infomation about it on-line. Apparently, it not only causes malformation in babies, but also depression by affecting activity in the frontal lobe of the brain. Haha.. Even without the medicine I am already depressed enough on my own. Will this cause my depression to worsen? I wonder. Let's just see shall we?

Cher and her family left for Vancouver today. We spent the last evening at her house yesterday, till 10pm. She was busy answering her phone calls, while leng and I were busy fooling around and taking snap shots. We didn't cry today. I felt that the whole event was pretty surreal. I came back dead tired, but couldn't fall asleep. Then went to see the doctor since I couldn't sleep and wasn't going out in the afternoon anymore. I just felt too depressed to fall asleep?
I'm slightly cheered up now after going out with Wy. We just strolled around Orchard. Yay! We're going to watch Madagascar on Tues :)
I wonder if I have really gone nuts.

Cher & Leng

I hate My Pimples

I didn't get the ushering job at Esplanade. Felt a little disappointed. Could it because of my pimples?? Could it be because of my incessant grouching while waiting for my turn to get interviewed? 1. Jx said they didn't judge people by their facial texture. 2. I kept my grumbling to a minimium, doubt the management will know about it. Can only believe that God has His plans. Maybe because he knows I'll "pon" Saturday night youth service in other to go work? Haha. I mean that's what I'll want to do. But, will not in the end because of my conscience.
Spent the whole day being around my family today. Because Cher is leaving tomorrow. My heart felt a little squeezed when I went to Cher's house to see that everything was packed. Last time ever seeing that house again. Been there since my childhood days, remember running around in the garden, having bbqs outside and playing badminton in the backyard. Those were the less troubled days of my life. Never really expected that growing older really meant that much more burdens. Still remember when they just moved into that house and now they are moving out. So fast.
We took alot of pictures... Alot of them were 3 headed. Cher was busy picking up phone calls from her friends and we were busy poking fun at her "love life". It was all done in the name of fun. No offense cuz. Besides can't blame us because your dear friend told us so. Haha.
Feeling tired now.. Have to wake up early tomorrow to send Cher and her family off. Gdnite peeps!

Corrinne May - I'm mesmerized... Haha

Being stuck at the shop, I've practically memorised all the songs played by HMV throughout the day. The songs that left me with the deepest impressions thus far are sang by this lady above. She sings like Sarah McLachlan. Suppose it's the soulful voice and lyrics, I don't get tired of hearing her though HMV plays her songs everyday when I'm there. Hope I'll some spare cash left over to get her CD at the end of this month. Must learn how to save!! Argh.
Today's my off day. Off lasts till this Sunday.. How I hate working. Nothing very eventful for the past 2 days.
Thanks Wy for warning me about the Chocolate buffet, in time. Apparently it was a major disappointment for those people who went there. Buffet table was pathetic, only enough for 5-6 people to crowd around... Definitely not worth 18 bucks! I guess I'm still naive. I tend to believe in things readily. Maybe I'm becoming more jaded already. Haha

Out for the day.

Went to work in the morning. I was slightly late, but no one knows better. So work dragged on till 5pm, sold some stuff, managed to meet the target thanks to this lady who bought 2 bags from me at one go! She said she has a hobby of collecting bags. So rich. She gave me half of my sales target for the day. Haha.
Went to meet my mother at J8 and bought a new pair of spectacles. Another funky looking pair. Hope it doesn't look to out of this world though. Let me clue you all in, it's pink. I have a thing for special frames. Can't bring myself to wear normal, dull, mundane frames any more. Hope I'm not becoming AA. :p
Rushed to my aunts' place for a reunion dinner. Cher and her family are leaving soon! Only 5 more days left. You don't know what you are missing until it's gone... Hope to visit them in Canada next time. Now I'm embarking on Plan B. Which is to stay on in my course. If I can go for an exchange programme to Seattle, I can always visit them next year. Since Seattle is near Vancouver, according to Cher and Nic. We had delicious Chilli Crabs! Yummy. But, almost maimed myself trying to break the shell. Ouch. I loooooove crabs. Chilli crabs. Hairy Chilli crabs. Possible? Remember the crabs we caught in Batam? If only they were ten times bigger. Yum.
Btw, thanks for the CD Leng :) Avril Lavigne rocks!

Work again.

Woke up at around 11.30am today. Missed service. I did try to fall asleep by 12.40 plus... But, my overactive brain just refused to shut down. Hope I'll be able to get a good shut eye today. Maybe it's because of all the stress that I can't sleep. Seriously need some cheering up... ... Some cheering up that will last long and not fade away so quickly. I won't say I lead an extremely miserable existence, happy things do occur.. But, they don't last long enough to make me happy constantly. Maybe that's why people take drugs.
Went to work today because my boss had to rush home to take her daughter to the doctor's. Felt like dozing off while working, but I can't do that. I'll be the first to take a nap in crowd infested CityLink. Worked for 6 hrs. Not fun at all. Have to work 6hrs again tomorrow. Will someone just pop by and talk to me?! Seriously sound desperate... I must endure. For the sake of my extremely long weekend starting on wed and my pay.
I need cheering up. :(

Time Stood Still

Went to work for the last time this week today. Yay! But, business was bad. People just walked on by without browsing or, better yet, buying. Therefore, I was stupendously bored sitting there. Kept looking at my watch. Time hasn't been this slow for me for such a long time. Perhaps it's a good thing, I should use this time to contemplate. Kept myself sane by smsing people. After work, went to lounge around at Esplanade library while waiting for mother to reach City Hall. Borrowed this book called, "The Virgin Suicides". Heard about the show, but never got to watch it. Look out for the book review! Bought myself a shirt on my way to the library. Hope I will find something to occupy myself on Monday... Perhaps, I can work on my shop display skills.
Perv called again. This time, he said in his perverty voice, "Hi Dawn it's me again... ..." I hung up immediately. What can I do?? Feeling very irritated.

Perv.

Received a call this morning before going to work. The guy said he saw my white undies while I was in NJ. 1. He called me Dawn. No one calls me Dawn in NJ. 2. I don't own white undies. 3. I wear shorts under my skirt. Pervert!!! He talks in this breathy tone and ask me to guess who is is . So gross! I got fed up and practically shouted, " I don't know you!" and hung up. He spoilt my day. Only got to know later that he also victimized Yl. Therefore, he targeted on my classmates. Somehow, the class contact list leaked into the hands of outsiders... If I find out who is the idiot who leaked it... I will personally wring the person's neck.
Got back my IELTS and school results today. I did very very very well!!! I'm really happy and thank God for it. 8.5 for IELTS and 3As, 1B and 1C. C for translation. Like I care about translation, since I don't intend to minor in it anyway. Really not my cup of tea. Dad tells me to do my accounts... If things really can break even. I'll be going to KL after all to study Medicine... Am I really leaving this time? What do You say?
Was sleepless last night because of the horror movie I watched with Teng on Thurs. Serves me right to watch a horror movie so near bedtime. Tend to get freaked out easily these days.. Getting old. Haha

Decisions

Life gets confusing sometimes.. Especially when all roads seem to be open to you and somehow you just don't know which is the right road. While reading the Bible just now, it seemed that God wanted me to pick the path that will reflect His Glory. 1 Thessalonians 2: 10-12. " You are witnesses, and God also, how devoutly and justly and blamelessly we behaved ourselves among you who believe; as you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children, that you would walk worthy of God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory. I just hope that He will give me a sign of confirmation as I am having doubts about the entire situation because things just don't seem they way they are.
Anyway, have to work and my results will be out tomorrow. 1pm. I pray very hard that I will not 'da pao' or ruin my chances of getting a 2nd class honours. Hey, I'm not greedy. Having a degree that is good enough for postgrad is good enough. Then again, maybe it's not enough. I don't have enough fiances to make it on my own. Need help from agencies such as a*star and to get help from them means 1st class honours, distinction student... Yada Yada..
Went out with Teng to eat dinner and we watched , "The Amityville Horror", supposedly based on a true story. Well, it was filled with suspense and kept me at the edge of my seat most of the time. Had to walk home ALONE at 11 ++ pm at night after a horror show. To me, the show signified an exaggerated version of spiritual warfare. Hey, but the good will always triumph :) Teng was so sweet! She made a bunch of miniature bouquet of straw roses for me! Thanks lots Tengz! *muackz*
We just have to learn how to be contented with what we have.

K-box, Blurred Neoprint and the Esplanade

Went to K-Box for the 1st time with my cuzzies! Can't really remember when was the last time I sang karaoke.. I think it was at home. Haha. I actually have microphones at home! Surprise Surprise. It was really fun going with my cousins. We went off key countless times, sorry not professional singers. The down side was that there weren't many updated English songs... ... So it was more fun singing the Chinese songs. Most of the songs we picked were sang by male singers.. No wonder that we 'zao sia' so many times. Imagine 3 girls singing Jay Chou's songs...Hahaha. I really like the 'you tiao and dou hua?' song by JJ. Argh! Been infected by the K-bug. Hmph.
Later, we got cheated by the neoprint machine.. Probably one of the worst neoprints I've ever taken. Supposedly we should have 6 different shots from 21 takes. Before we could choose our 6 shots, the machine decided that time was up! So much for all the posing. Sad.
Went for an interview at Esplanade. The queue was extremely long! They are looking for 50 people, but the people that turned up definitely exceeded 200... Hope I get selected. Really hope to get the job! Got quite irritated that I was asked to queue behind people that didn't make an appointment when I made it to my appointment at even earlier time than asked. But, my irritation wore off after awhile. After all, Wy was with me. So, I had company :) Thanks Jx and Wy.

IELTS

Went to take the exam early in the morning today. Woke up at an unearthly hour, 6+am. It rained the moment I reached Orchard to take a bus to the PSB building whereby I had absolutely no idea where it was. Thank God for providing a kind soul who not only shared an umbrella with me, but also brought me to the building as she was taking the test too! Surprise surprise, people who took the test were all foreigners, including the kind lady who sheltered me. I felt out of place as they were all foreigners and looked so much older... ... Kept wondering if I came to the right place. During the test, I actually slept. It was relatively straight forward. Hope I'll do well. Anyway, there's still oral on Monday.
Guess what? After 3 hrs of English and all the effort spent in contacting the Malaysian university. I have came to the conclusion that I should not go after all. Though there is a sense of loss in not going to apply, I feel more at peace with myself. Why? Because I don't have the $ to apply and that means borrowing. If I can't even afford application fees... ... It's just troubling. I'll just pin my hopes on Australia. At least, it's safer and more reliable. Though it'll be a miracle if the bank actually loans me the $ or some heroic person is rich enough to save the damsel in distress. I leave it to God.
Came back and slack after that. Ate lunch by myself, but I was too absorbed in my chinese novel to care about being alone. Suppose being alone sometimes is not that bad, especially when you have a good book in hand! Dawn reading chinese novels?! Has the sun risen from the west? Hur Hur. No. Been chasing after "Huan Zhu Ge Ge" since secondary school, therefore I am now reading the last installment of the series. I can't stand watching the show because they cry too much... At least you can just quickly get over those parts when you are reading. By the way, I normally DON'T read chinese novels. This is an exception.
Went out again to meet "Mary" for dinner. Ate yummy tiramisu and more!! We are always eating. Going out with him means eating = weight gain. Thanks for listening to me though.
Passed by my work place. Was quite tempted to walk over to my boss and say hello. But.. I really didn't want to hear anymore about work. Also, I felt that by walking over it just seems rather mean of me. She's working and here I am enjoying myself strolling around. Though I knew she wanted me to take the break, but I still feel uneasy.

Off Day.

Was dead tired yesterday.. Had some problems settling the accounts. Sat there like an idiot recounting all the money till it was near 11pm. Realised that I forgot to include the coins!! I suck at doing accounts.(Believe me being a treasurer does not make a good accountant) Well, at least I realised the discrepancy. If not, I would have made a big mess out of the accounts. Leng and her friend dropped by and I was cheered up by their visit. It does get a little lonely sitting there sometimes. Still not used to managing the shop by myself. Bought Leng a wallet as it was her birthday and both of them bought the bangles in the display window. I have such a cute cousin. Haha.
It's not easy selling things. Sometimes I just muse, " My salesperson ship needs improving." Having my IELTS tomorrow. Don't understand why I have to sit for such a thing. I am sufficiently proficient in my English and I have a Cambridge certificate to prove it. Argh!! My poor wallet. I wonder if majoring in Medicine is really worth my every tear, sweat and blood. Even my family and friends... Hope I'm not being too dramatic.
Went out to meet Wy for lunch at Lot 1 today. We were supposed to go to City Hall with Yl. But, Wy couldn't travel far. Yl also couldn't travel far to Lot 1 or Causeway Pt. So we opted for another day. Bought a pair of new shoes today. Thought for a long time before deciding to purchase them. After all, I cannot spend money like I used to any longer. Find it difficult to cut down on my expenditure.

Tired...

Managed to save my hair.. According to Mum, I look more 'stylo'. However, it just got shorter. I was wondering if I should just get Joanna Peh's hairstyle instead... Since my hair is already gone.. Feel like a boy now. Hair today, gone tomorrow!
Went to work at 4pm.. I hate working... Apparently, there's this pervert who comes to Citylink everyday to look at girls. And I really mean look. He stares at you. I caught a glimpse of him. Hope he will leave me alone!! I will just wear ugly clothes to the stall. Besides that.. I didn't really manage to sell anything today. Felt quite bad, but I tried my best. Think I have to do something about my sales pitch. Other than that, I'm tired and stressed. Trying to get used to the environment. I felt dizzy while I was at the stall,but after eating my dinner, consisting of 2 pork floss buns, I felt slightly better. My female boss gave me a lift home today and was very patient with me despite my really bad sales, it was really nice of her! I never had such nice bosses before. But, the job is tough...
Happy Birthday Leng!

Eats Galore!

Started work today at 11am. Was smart enough to grab a sandwich before going to work and thankfully my boss was later than me. It would have been very bad if she arrived before me. Anyway, think I have alot to adapt to and learn at work... ... Have to learn how to sell stuff. Especially to fickle females who take forever to decide on a particular bag, shirt, etc... ... God help me!
Headed down to Orchard to meet my dear cuzzies for sushi buffet! But, the sushi was a little disappointing, but we had an extremely full dinner. Almost felt like throwing up. *Bleah* We really stuffed ourselves and we ended dinner with a water melon feast and "Muah Chee" ice cream. Watermelons must be really cheap because they gave us too much! Think Cher has an extremely good appetite, still can fit in supper after more ice cream. Anyway, thanks for the ice cream Cher! Nothing beats Bravassimo. Hopefully we can go for K-lunch before Cher flies away! Right peeps? Leng's birthday is coming! Can't believe they are going to turn 17 this year... ... Which explains why they call me , "Ah Ma"... *Sob*
I'm going to do something about my hair again. It's really too even. So much for free haircuts from a famous hairstyling academy. Somehow, I'm used to bad haircuts. Such things always happen to me :'(

3 hr haircuts

I got a job from Germ's cousin-in-law. Interesting I would say as she will give me free rein of the push-cart shop in Citylink. Which means I am free to do whatever I please as long as I don't offend the business management people in Citylink. She warned me about the neighbours and the art of bargaining. I suppose things will be challenging, I'm not exactly good at handling such issues. *sweat*
After meeting my employer, I met up with Jx and Wy to go for our free haircut in Bugis. Wy was late, so Jx and I went first. It was a pretty scary experience as the students cutting our hair never cut anybody else's hair before! Wy's hairdresser nearly removed her scalp. As for mine.. She was fine, except... She took 3 hrs to cut my hair!! I grew numb sitting in the hairdresser's chair. I just thank God that my hair looks normal. My mum says that my hair looks like hers. *Sob* Conclusion: I look OK. Just that my hair is shorter then what I did like it to be.
Went home after that, just wanted to go home after sitting in that chair for 3 hrs straight, didn't want to shop at all.

The Reunion

Went for my JC class outing today. Total of 10 plus people, more guys turned up and for the girls we have Yl, Jx, Wy, Sj and me. Well, looks like we still have some class spirit, considering the fact that half of the class turned up. Don't know why, but I felt tired going out today. We went for lunch at Millenia Walk and the service there was horrible. The waiter spilled soup on Jx and Yl and wasn't even sincerely apologetic and we had to serve ourselves water! I'll never go back there again even though it sells cheaper food. Bad experience. Though there was no service tax, I still think that the waiter's attitude was terrible.
After that, we wandered aimlessly in Suntec... ... Finally, Sj got fed up and made up our minds to watch a movie. On reaching the cinema we spent 1/2 hour deciding on what to watch. Hai. We are an indecisive bunch. It's difficult to go out with so many people! We settled on *drumroll* House of Wax. It was a seriously sick movie I tell you. I spent $9.50 on a psycho killer film that can't even be classified as cheesy. It was sick! How can anyone think of supergluing anybody else's mouth. Nevermind the gore, but the part whereby the killer waxed the guy alive, was really too much. Think the guys really enjoyed the scene with Paris Hilton in it...Geez. Guys. *Rolls eyes* Hopefully, our next class outing will be more planned. It's difficult in the sense that everyone enjoys doing different things. BBQ on the beach anyone?

Thanks Cuzzie!

Dear Claire has made a chocolate skin for moi! I'll not let her efforts go to waste :) Hope to make this blog a well visited one. More popular than Xiaxue's? Haha. Dream on! Basically, I suppose I'll write about my sometimes uneventful life. Right, I'm starting this blog partly because of my darling kiddies and out of fun? Or is it an outlet to crap? Won't write things that are too personal here. That's a challenge for me :p
Alrighty, I will try to use proper English here.
Had a wonderful brunch at Maxwell market. Yummy! Honestly, I couldn' remember when was the last time I woke up in time for breakfast. Went to Orchard Rd after that, then Ikea for Swedish Meatballs!! For toffee lovers: Make sure you try the Diam Cake at Ikea's Cafe. Sickeningly sweet chocolate cake with toffee bits to die for! Watched *Kingdom Of Heaven* at Yishun 10 after that. You can never get movie tickets in Orchard located cinemas on weekends. It's as if the whole of Singapore goes there to catch their movies. Never go to these cinemas if you want to buy last minute tickets, forget it, just head to your friendly neighbourhood cinema.
The movie was filled with blood splattering everywhere, well it's about the "holy" war for Jerusalem. What else could one expect? Plenty of action, but felt that it got draggy at certain parts. Just felt that all the fighting for Jerusalem, supposedly because God is there, is a lost cause. Why bother? God's omnipresent! Just give the Jews back their land...
Been gorging myself eversince semester break started. Better start jogging soon! Else, I won't be able to fit into my clothes anymore. No money to get a new wardrobe. Another is to get a job that earns me some income to survive during the break and to save. All I have been doing thus far is to spend and eat. Piggy me.