5 minutes of fire.

So, I've been asked to preach for 5 minutes the very next after I return from Tokyo. So I am a wee bit irresponsible and a wee bit lazy. I have so many thoughts flooding my mind. But, today. today. I feel slightly deflated. I keep thinking that this is about me, but it is NOT!!!!!! This is not about me. Praying to God and hearing His reply from His words always pick me up, but I want to see things happen dear God. Just show me that you are here in 3D reality. Help me to remember who You are and what You do. Sometimes, I am so afraid of failing you God, but I should always remember that You are graceful and failing is part of this walk. I may keep failing, but it is going to be OK. Because at the end of the road, You are there to work Your miracles. Thank You for not giving up on this lazy bum. I am less lazy now.

You pick me up when I fall to pieces.
There's no one like You.
You are the super glue that fixes the brokeness
My bestfriend whom I never tire talking to
You guide me with Your firm hand,
You love me so much that you gave everything away
Everything that You held so dearly to You.
Your only son, your throne, your glory.
No one can love me like You do,
no one knows me like You do.
You see all my imperfections and love me anyway.
How can I ever turn my back on You and say You never
existed? And these imperfections, you turn into something beautiful.
And now I am waiting, change seems hard, but like how You provided in the past
I know You'll do it again.

What went wrong??

Looking back in perspective, (oh how i hate looking back!!!) I still can't understand how things went so wrong. Did I do something unforgivable? Perhaps. In all truth, I felt that I couldn't be myself. And the worse was that, I was obsessed till it was unhealthy. The thoughts kept me awake at night. But, I thank God that I am finally free. Today's sermon made look back and want to move on. And God in all His mercy and grace is going to give me a chance again, I pray won't screw things up. I guess everything is really premature though, all I hear is a whispered promise from God.

Not written by me, but by a friend. I'm not so eloquent.

'Jesus, are You crazy?'

I saw these words displayed as a piece of art at a friends house a few days ago. Though interesting, the words didn't really strike me until about 48 hours later. Over the course of those 48 hours, I experienced what I'm afraid is a very familiar cycle:

one hour, my heart was so overwhelmed with the glorious beauty of the knowledge of the gospel that I thought it might explode; the next, I was using that glorious grace as license to sin against a holy God. With one breath, I was blessing the God of my salvation, but with the next, cursing the righteousness He's called me to.

As His kindness always does, I found myself led to repentance (quick repentance, thanks to His tender mercies) but as I first approached His throne of grace--disgusted with my repetitive idolatry and harlotry--I couldn't help but wonder, quite seriously, "Jesus, are you crazy?"

Why would you ever offer mercy to your enemies in the first place?
Why would to freely give endless grace to those who hated you?
Why would you give your life for people who would continue to mock you?

Why would you adopt a child, diseased and disfigured by sin,
and through disobedience, foolishness, rebellion, and self-inflicted sickness,
continue to call her your well-beloved daughter?
Why would you choose your betrothed from out of a whore-house,
and though she discards the white dress you dress her in,
runs from the safe house you have built her,
leaves your arms to cling to other cruel lovers,
You repeat your vows to her-- without ceasing you whisper,
“I will betroth you to me forever;
I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
in love and compassion.
I will betroth you in faithfulness,
and you will acknowledge the LORD.”

Jesus, are you crazy?

Later, I was processing some of this with my friend Aubrey and he put it well: Grace is not reasonable. Justice is reasonable. And substitionary justice is not reasonable. The fact that Christ died for us is not reasonable because unconditional love is not reasonable. It's true that it is reasonable in a sense because in the end God will receive the glory, but it's still a little crazy. Jesus is a little crazy. And I'm glad he is.


So with a deep knowledge of myself as a sickly and rebellious daughter
and as an unfaithful, adulterous wife,
I will daily put on the stark-white garments of mercies that are new every morning,
And though, while I dress myself in the shining righteousness of Jesus,
and as I take my place at His banqueting table and in His loving arms,
I may occasionally pause and nervously wonder, "Jesus, are you crazy?"

Then I will raise my eyes to look into His eyes of blazing fire,
I hear Him continually whisper His vows,
and I will rest, in humility and with immeasurable adoration,
upon His crazy, crazy unconditional love.




"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:8&9

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:6-8

Internationally speaking....

A real struggle.

Sometimes, it is difficult to pick yourself up. Especially when people who matter to you hurt you unknowingly or worse, knowingly. And though they hurt you, they still matter, which is probably the worse part. You can't just walk away. So what can I do?? I can't pretend it doesn't upset me. I've done that enough to know that denial just makes it hurt more later.

So I am upset again. And again I remember that God has promised me victory from such things. I am meant to live joyfully, not in permanent gloom. From this I understood how vast was God's love too. How much He has done for us and how it must hurt God so much that we don't understand or care for His sacrifice at all. My wee bit compared to His is nothing at all. If I live in gloom, He will be sad too. For I cannot glorify Him and His sacrifice for me will mean nothing because I am not free. Once again, I choose to believe that I'll be healed from my wounds and be set free.

All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial.. Time to be firm and not take any more nonsense.

Time really flies.

I talked to a friend today, and realised how time really flies!

Music is beyond words

There is this Japanese song that I daisuki ( really really like) and I decided to find the translation for it. To my surprise, the lyrics hit too close to home. Perhaps it would've been better if I didn't understand the lyrics. I guess the point is I am drawn to music that match my feelings, even if I don't understand the lyrics. I guess music gives me away.

That Missing Thing That I Didn't Quite Get Until Now.

This sounds really strange coming from a 10yr old Christian. But, this baka here finally experienced something so amazing. Which is... JOY
All along I have been mistaking happiness for joy. I thought I had it with me, but I didn't. Because when things changed for the worse, they upset me and people who know me well can see that I am sad, angry, annoyed.. In other words, I was on an emotional roller coaster and my emotional health depended very much on the circumstances around me. I often convinced myself that life on earth isn't supposed to happy anyway, so it's alright not to be happy 24/7, "Oh well, this is life. What can I expect?Life's not supposed to be that great after all, if not I won't be looking forward to heaven." I couldn't understand how to be joyful under all these circumstances whereby nothing seems to be working out for me. So I behaved the way I felt, whether I knew it or not.

Then came the turning point. My attitude and character improved as I served as a cell leader in Secell. I learnt how to take care of people, but there were occasions when my ghosts came to haunt me. I became happier, but still I wasn't joyful. I was still on that dratted emo roller coaster when it came to relationships with other people. Career became less important to me, though of course I do want to do well! And now I KNOW what is joy because I am experiencing it now. Because I came to realise that all I NEED is God. The rest is just icing on the cake. Friends, family, money and career. They are just icing. I just need the CAKE. Nothing and nobody can meet my needs. Not my cell leader, not my friends, not my sheep, not my ministry, not anything or anyone. Just God. Knowing that nothing else well make me get off the emo roller coaster, I decided to just be joyful knowing that God is faithful and is constant. Who cares about the rest?? Never changing and when I spend my time and effort on Him, I don't feel tired, but refreshed. By spending time and effort, I mean talking to him and reading His word, doing Bible study and being a living testimony for Christ.

I have lots of time for that now, since I didn't have Internet access at home and when I go to work the first thing I do is to read the Bible. I talk to God throughout the day, because there are few people that I can talk to. Though I have awesome churchmates in Japan, I do not get upset anymore when they are too busy to talk to me. Because, I know I am responsible for my own joy. So, CHOOSE to be joyful in God. He is the only ONE who doesn't disappoint.

Condom lubricant popular acne cure for Cambodian women

Condom lubricant popular acne cure for Cambodian women

A condom lubricant designed for sex workers and gay men has become a popular acne cure among female Cambodians, women in the capital and local media said Thursday.

Number One Plus, a water-based lubricant produced by health organisation Population Services International (PSI), is an excellent cure for acne, 29-year-old vendor Tep Kemyoeurn told AFP.

"After I used it for three days, all of my acne dried up and went away," she said. "Many people believe in it," she added.

Khen Vanny, 29, from Phnom Penh, told AFP that women of all ages have taken to using the lubricant to get rid of spots.

"It is very effective. Some people don't believe in it but people who do really get a good result," she said, adding: "My youngest sister and my aunt use it too."

Another woman told Khmer-language Kampuchea Thmey newspaper that she had used many kinds of medicine to treat acne but none had worked.

"After that my friends, who work at garment factories in Phnom Penh, advised me to apply the lubricant from Number One Plus condoms on my face every night," she told the paper.

"And just within three to four nights, the acne on my face gradually and then totally disappeared," she added.

A vendor near a factory in the coastal city of Sihanoukville told the newspaper that she sold packets of Number One Plus lubricant for 500 riels (12 cents) to many women every day.

The paper urged experts to conduct research about the phenomenon.

PSI were not immediately available for comment on the apparent cosmetic benefits of their product.

Carrying the Cross

Question and Answer

Carry Your Cross

Question:

I have a question concerning one of Christ's teachings. I was wondering, what exactly does Christ mean when He says, "Carry your cross" or bear your cross?

Answer:

The answer to your question lies in Luke 9:22-26. Notice first verse 22: "The Son of Man must suffer many things, and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed [crucified on a cross], and be raised the third day." So, first, there is a connection between the cross which Christ urges His disciples to carry (as they follow Him) and the cross on which He was destined to die for the sins of His people. BUT the crosses are not the same.

That's what is wrong with the chorus of the old gospel song, "The Old Rugged Cross." In the verses, particularly the first, the subject is Christ's cross. Then the chorus goes, "So I'll cherish that old rugged cross till my trophies at last I lay down; I will cling to that old rugged cross and exchange it some day for a crown." The chorus refers to the Christian's cross; but they are not the same:
1. Christ's cross is an atoning sacrifice. We could die a thousand deaths and yet not atone for a single sin. We are sinners and therefore can do nothing perfectly. Jesus was the perfectly pure and holy Son of God; therefore His blood did atone for all our sins.
2. Christ's cross called literally for His death. The Christian's cross must be carried faithfully till he dies. But that doesn't necessarily call for the Christian's death.

What connects the two? Our cross is the symbol of our total commitment to be true to Christ, even to death, but we are not commanded to die for Jesus, only to be faithful. For most of us, although we may experience some persecution or mocking because of our confession of trust in Christ, we are not ordinarily called to actual physical martyrdom. In certain situations, however, it could be that bearing our cross might call for us to be martyrs for Jesus. While following Jesus, I could be confronted with a situation where I would be put to death because of my faith in Him. It could be that the only way I could save my life would be to deny Christ and curse His name, but refusing to do so, I would be put to death.

That is what took place in the shooting that took place in Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, just over a year ago. The assassin pointed his gun at a high school girl (I can't remember her name). He asked if she still believed in Jesus. She said yes. Immediately he pulled the trigger. She was faithful unto death! She didn't plan the situation in which she suddenly found herself. The assassins did plan it, but the Bible says "And we know that God works ALL THINGS together for good to those who love Him, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). So, according to this Scripture (and Ephesians 1:11), God's providence brought this girl into a situation in which she had no choice as a follower of Christ but to confess Him and die, or deny Him and live! It is not for us to desire martyrdom; that's in God's hand. It's for us to be faithful unto death.

Now, look at Luke 9:26: "For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, of him the Son of Man will be ashamed when He comes in His own glory, and in His Father's, and of the holy angels." Here we see the most clearly, the relation between Jesus' death on His cross and our bearing our cross for Him. Jesus died all but naked on the cross. Further, "He was despised and rejected of men, a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him" (Isaiah 53:3). At His cross, to say anything good about the divine sufferer brought shame and reproach. So I believe we can say that our cross equals our willingness to take the shame and reproach from His enemies as a badge of our union with Him as our Savior and Lord.

I suffer from arthritis. It is a burden to me, but not a cross. It has nothing to do with my being a follower (disciple) of Jesus.

Take another example. There are a few real followers of Christ in the US Congress. Now they should stand up and oppose abortion whenever they get the opportunity. If their opponents ask them why they so vigorously oppose abortion, they are temped to find non-religious reasons, when in reality their reasons are that God made mankind in His own image, and to wantonly take human life is murder because the Commandment says "You shall not murder"! Now if he were running for re-election and his opponent charged him with "dragging religion into the woman's 'right' to choose," he might lose a lot of votes. Better to find secular reasons for opposing abortion. BUT, wouldn't he be less faithful to his Lord by "hiding his light under a bushel"? The girl in Columbine High School didn't have to think before she answered!

Let's now look at Luke: 9:23: "If anyone desires to come after Me [to be my disciple], let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me." Two things stand out: (1) To deny myself means to refuse to let MY will be the controlling pattern of my life. If Christ is now my Lord, then His will is my command! (2) We are to do this DAILY. As you must know, our lives are a continuing fabric of decisions. God does not make decisions for us; we must make our own decisions. So to take up the cross of the reproach of Christ daily means that, no matter what people think of us, we must make it our day-to-day habit of conforming our choices to Christ's will as we know it from His word. Self denial, as explained above, should be the constant of our lives.

Finally, verses 24 & 25: "For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what profit is it to a man if he gain the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?" Matthew 16:26 (in his parallel account of these verses) adds: "Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?" Really, cross-bearing for a Christian is not always reproachful, but it is always sacrificial. That is, we need to sacrifice our sinful desires in favor of doing what Jesus our Lord would have us to do.

One more thing: None of us will do this perfectly. God knows this, and so should we. At times we will slip and give way to our own sinful nature. That's why daily repentance is called for. But what God requires in us is an undivided heart. The overall desire of our hearts, and the burden of our prayers, must always be, "Not my will, but Thine be done!

In summary, the Christian's cross is one of doing the will of God no matter what. Living to please our Lord must be uppermost in our minds, just as being obedient to the Father and going to Calvary was uppermost in our Lord's mind. Christ's suffering was redemptive, while ours is not (we are sinners, while he was and is the sinless Son of God), but it should not be surprising that, as we deny ourselves and follow the One who suffered such abuse from the world, we ourselves experience some suffering because of our association with Him.

http://www.opc.org/qa.html?question_id=140

This is the very first SIM music video I watched. Thought I did share the good stuff :D as Germ did.

I keep seeing rats in the neighborhood, scuttling across my path and freaking me out. They're huge I tell you, nothing like hamsters. I wonder if Japan has rats? Probably more. Which reminds me of the bubonic plague, which reminds that I have to read more about such stuff. Maybe I'll work with rats in the lab? Haven't got much time left here.

Been trying to meet up everyone at least once before leaving, it's harder now that most of my friends are working. No more carefree student days! The same can be said for me the moment I arrive in the lab. Everyone is exhausted on the weekdays and have even lesser time to recuperate on the weekends.

I will miss those carefree days. Short of the last semester and exam period, the rest of uni has been pretty idyllic. Everyone's going their own way, fulfilling their destinies. What lies ahead? It's all in God's hands. His firm and secure hands and no one can snatch me away.

Healer

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You’re my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You’re my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
You hold my world in Your hands



If you have heard of this film, book called, "The Secret", there is something fundamentally fishy with it. The principal behind it is, that we think what we will be because the universe welcomes it. E.g. If we think we will be healed then we will be healed. What's fundamentally odd is, where does the power to heal come from then? I just want to complete the picture. We don't have the power, we know it. We didn't create the world, we didn't create the universe. The power comes from a higher being, no? Hence, a demonstration here in believing in higher powers. That God can heal and He heals! Believe in things of substance. Keep believing in Jesus if you already do, and if you haven't I hope one day you'll experience for yourself how awesome believing in Him can be. All things are possible in Christ!

Thanksgiving

After 4 years, I made it. Thank you God, thank you to everyone who made this possible. Without you, nothing could have been. Family, friends, colleagues for past few months and people who have in some way or other been there along the way. It is done. 

Oh forgive me. I couldn't resist not putting this. HAHAHAHA....

A depressed dog.

Ruff was discovered with a fishball sized lump on her ear this Sunday. She finally got the lump operated on Wednesday. It has been :s eversince. I feel depressed looking at her. Look how sad she looks in this picture. Not to mention it's been difficult looking after her.  She stinks btw, all thanks to the wet wound after the operation. And while unwrapping the bandages yesterday, she flapped her ears real hard to get rid of all the stuff that oozed out of her wound after the op, and guess where all that gunk landed? On me and the floor. Bleah. 

10 more days of this. I know we can make it. Right Ruff? 

David Bromberg's song "Kaatskill Serenade" tells the story of Rip Van Winkle from the first-person perspective. The chorus is:

Where are the men that I used to sport with?

What has become of my beautiful town?

Wolf, my old friend, you don't even know me.

This must be the end; my house has tumbled down.

The last few months has been Rip Van Winkle. Instead of literally sleeping, life has stopped in all its work. Disconnected.

This is what I've been up to :D My new bestfriend *muacks*

Erm. Yea guess I'm still in Yr 1.

Not exactly back from the dead. Taking some time off to mess with this blog :D Time's running out and I'm still procrastinating. Shucks.

It happened.

Really upset. My phone was first lost at the science center and kept by some dishonest creep, which ruined the day for Candice too. I knew something like this would happen one day because I'm so careless. Plus my phone is NEW. Arrrrgh. I've misplaced my umbrella and pencil case within the last 2 weeks too. What is happening to me? Geez. I've never lost things continuously, guess I must have been rather distracted. *tears hair out*

Lost all my contacts :( I'm going to get a new SIM card ASAP. So if I can't recognize your call or SMS, please don't be too upset.