Complexities

Youth Service was a blast today! Really thank God that everything went smoothly. It's so easy to forget that God has a big hand in it when things are well. We tend to assume that we are responsible for everything going well. But, when things don't, who do we blame? Anyway, no hiccups today. Hope things will become even better though. Amen to that.
I really don't have enough of God's presence in my life.. I am still haunted by many unspeakable things in my dismal existence. I wish I could stop being such a whiny little idiot, but it's such an insurmountable task. How much do I really trust God to do something?? I really wonder. I suppose I am living a pretty confused existence. I am stuck in my career, finances and a particular relationship that I don't want to talk about. God help!!! Perhaps I just refuse to see things from God's perspective, I just want things to go the way I want things to go.. And that's S-I-N. Let me define sin. It's when we want to go our own way, when we know it's not what God meant for us to do. I told God that my motives for my career are for Him, for His kingdom, but noo.. He chooses to put me somewhere else, which I still cannot understand. In one word, I am uncontented/ discontented?? I must stop being so proud... When it has never been about me at all.