Revelations, some of which I really don't like.

I've been like a demagnetised magnet. I used to think that I have pretty good polarity, but after 1 year plus in university I feel like I actually am pretty directionless. Yes yes, I do have goals... But, it's not about goals. I feel that I don't really know myself very well. For example, what I enjoy doing or who I really am. I'm pretty confused. Plus, I'm pretty good at lying and justifying things to fit my fancy. Blergh. It's time to get repolarized according to His word and oh man, it hasn't been easy. Been reading this book by Joshua Harris, it's been a pretty difficult book for me to read as it shone right smack on the dark crevices in my cracked life and it really hurts my eyes to read the book. But, hey it's been helpful, I pray I can live up to it. The message was, "Intimacy is the reward for being committed". It's selfish if I want to enjoy being close to someone and yet don't want to or rather cannot commit. After everything I did, I can only conclude that I am ignorant and foolish. But, I honestly had no idea that things will become like that. Let this be a lesson learnt that will not be repeated again, no matter what my flesh says.
Other than doing alot of soul searching, I've watched In Her Shoes and Elizabethtown.
Personally, I think In Her Shoes is lots better, it's not a chick flick as I thought it was, it talks alot about forgiveness and family. Life's been different and it will get even more different as my perspectives change. Perhaps my "depolarisation" is a result of changing attitudes. Hope I get the right ones.
School's been good :) Strange that I actually feel this way despite all the crazy questions that's been thrown at us. Feel that I haven't been really living life to the fullest.